4 ms·

Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hi

Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hiking groups, etc. etc. Of course, you wouldn't attend those with the explicit goal of finding someone special. I'd argue that the other way around is much healthier: go out there, explore activities that mesh with who you are, or get you a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll likely meet new people who might just surprise you.

namaria 2y ago
Yeah you can always make genuine connections anywhere. This isn't insightful...
- HelloMcFly 2y ago
  It's a fair comment in response to your "You get restricted to the bar/party scene" comment, which is a pretty significant overstatement.
  - namaria 2y ago
    I'm talking about the dating scene. Meeting people and making connections is not hard. It came across as condescending really. I'm talking about changing social dynamics and I'm getting life advice? Dating apps changed the dynamics of meeting people to the worse in my experience and I'm sharing that experience.
    - karlshea 2y ago
      > Meeting people and making connections is not hard. Wow, talk about condescending. You’re not wrong about what dating apps have changed but don’t discount issues others have faced that you may not have.
      - namaria 2y ago
        Hey context matters. I'm not responding to someone who complained about that.
        bee_rider 2y ago
        People on this site have a really annoying habit of taking a selective quote to destroy any context. I think it actually is bad for writing, protecting against motivated mis-quotes is not something good authors worry about.
        smegsicle 2y ago
        im glad you have such a firm grasp on what makes a good author and how they think
tivert 2y ago
> Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hiking groups, etc. etc. I think the specific activity is less important than whether it's done by a community or not. That's especially true if you're the kind of person who has trouble connecting quickly with new people. Some of those things (e.g. volunteering, gyms) can turn out to be relatively solo activities or have a lot of people treating them as such. > Of course, you wouldn't attend those with the explicit goal of finding someone special. I'd argue that the other way around is much healthier: go out there, explore activities that mesh with who you are, or get you a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll likely meet new people who might just surprise you. I agree with that broadly, but I think if "finding someone" is on your list of priorities, you should try to gravitate to things with a larger group or a just-right amount of churn.
- ethbr1 2y ago
  Good point, in that some of these are not like the others. Imho, if you're joining a group with a goal of meeting people to possibly have a relationship with, you want a group that: - Is a community (people stay in it) - Is growing or has turnover - Has enough of a connection to make friends And a particular note that you might not meet people in the group, but... the people you meet in the group might introduce you to other people. That's the way things used to be done before social/dating apps -- "Hi, have you met ____? I think the two of you have a lot in common..." And by and large, it worked pretty well. Who better to matchmake than people who actually know both of you?
  - tivert 2y ago
    > That's the way things used to be done before social/dating apps ... And by and large, it worked pretty well. Who better to matchmake than people who actually know both of you? I feel like some uncomfortably large fraction of consumer-focused tech is like that: take something that worked, and replace it by some new-shiny junk-food like thing that's actually worse in all important ways.
  - CaptArmchair 2y ago
01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
I dunno. None of those activities mesh with me. I went on a dating site and over the course of about a year found a couple other girls to watch movies and have sleepovers with. We all work and don't have hobbies like those, so we would not have run into each other. My favorite group activity is sleeping together with lesbians.
- wil421 2y ago
  Not sure if the last one has easily discoverable clubs.
  - 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
    haha they're certainly not easy to discover :P

namaria 2y ago

Yeah you can always make genuine connections anywhere. This isn't insightful...

HelloMcFly 2y ago
It's a fair comment in response to your "You get restricted to the bar/party scene" comment, which is a pretty significant overstatement.
- namaria 2y ago
  I'm talking about the dating scene. Meeting people and making connections is not hard. It came across as condescending really. I'm talking about changing social dynamics and I'm getting life advice? Dating apps changed the dynamics of meeting people to the worse in my experience and I'm sharing that experience.
  - karlshea 2y ago
    > Meeting people and making connections is not hard. Wow, talk about condescending. You’re not wrong about what dating apps have changed but don’t discount issues others have faced that you may not have.
    - namaria 2y ago
      Hey context matters. I'm not responding to someone who complained about that.
      - bee_rider 2y ago
        People on this site have a really annoying habit of taking a selective quote to destroy any context. I think it actually is bad for writing, protecting against motivated mis-quotes is not something good authors worry about.
        smegsicle 2y ago
        im glad you have such a firm grasp on what makes a good author and how they think

tivert 2y ago

> Cooking classes, volunteering, sport clubs, the gym, group travel, boardgames, photography classes, dancing lessons, language classes, concerts, movie clubs, hiking groups, etc. etc. I think the specific activity is less important than whether it's done by a community or not. That's especially true if you're the kind of person who has trouble connecting quickly with new people. Some of those things (e.g. volunteering, gyms) can turn out to be relatively solo activities or have a lot of people treating them as such. > Of course, you wouldn't attend those with the explicit goal of finding someone special. I'd argue that the other way around is much healthier: go out there, explore activities that mesh with who you are, or get you a bit out of your comfort zone, and you'll likely meet new people who might just surprise you. I agree with that broadly, but I think if "finding someone" is on your list of priorities, you should try to gravitate to things with a larger group or a just-right amount of churn.

ethbr1 2y ago
Good point, in that some of these are not like the others. Imho, if you're joining a group with a goal of meeting people to possibly have a relationship with, you want a group that: - Is a community (people stay in it) - Is growing or has turnover - Has enough of a connection to make friends And a particular note that you might not meet people in the group, but... the people you meet in the group might introduce you to other people. That's the way things used to be done before social/dating apps -- "Hi, have you met ____? I think the two of you have a lot in common..." And by and large, it worked pretty well. Who better to matchmake than people who actually know both of you?
- tivert 2y ago
  > That's the way things used to be done before social/dating apps ... And by and large, it worked pretty well. Who better to matchmake than people who actually know both of you? I feel like some uncomfortably large fraction of consumer-focused tech is like that: take something that worked, and replace it by some new-shiny junk-food like thing that's actually worse in all important ways.
- CaptArmchair 2y ago

01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago

I dunno. None of those activities mesh with me. I went on a dating site and over the course of about a year found a couple other girls to watch movies and have sleepovers with. We all work and don't have hobbies like those, so we would not have run into each other. My favorite group activity is sleeping together with lesbians.

wil421 2y ago
Not sure if the last one has easily discoverable clubs.
- 01HNNWZ0MV43FF 2y ago
  haha they're certainly not easy to discover :P