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And if their parents aren't safe people, they remember that too. I experienced feeling truly, deeply, completely safe for the first time in my thirties. It roc
by smeej 3y ago
And if their parents aren't safe people, they remember that too.
I experienced feeling truly, deeply, completely safe for the first time in my thirties. It rocked my world. Things almost didn't seem real immediately afterward, like I was dreaming. I compare it to visiting France when I could speak Spanish, but not French. My brain wanted to reply to people in "not English," so kept trying to spit out Spanish responses to French questions. My brain didn't have a context for "safe" other than "not real life," so it tried to react like I was dreaming.
I don't want to go into all the details about what it's like to try to teach your parasympathetic nervous system how to come fully online when you're this far into adulthood, but I recommend making sure children do have somewhere they can practice coming down from stress way before they're my age.
- MichaelZuo 3y agoBut this is just a feeling, not reality? e.g. The risk of being instantly erased by a falling meteorite/random airplane part/space debris/etc. is never literally zero. Just very very low.
- smeej 3y agoMy sister died very suddenly, apparently fine one minute and irrecoverably dead the next. I know I'm never completely safe. Maybe the better term in this case is "protected," but I'm not sure. "This person, here with me, is not a threat to me, and I know that in my bones. Further, he would interpose himself between me and any threat that should arise in this moment." That's the feeling. Most people experience that as infants. Parents are supposed to love their children this way. And it's important for the neurological development of the parasympathetic nervous system. I just didn't get to until my thirties.
- lazyasciiart 3y agoAbsolutely: it’s only because of the tremendous impact of lacking felt safety as an infant that we know they can tell the difference.