> some of the decisions they've made in the name of self-respect have come across to me as instead being facile or purely vindictive at best, or psychologicall

> some of the decisions they've made in the name of self-respect have come across to me as instead being facile or purely vindictive at best, or psychologically unsound at worst That's the crux. Self respect means valuing your own judgement and feelings, and holding to them in the face of disapproval. It's valuable even, and especially when, you're wrong. Making a petty, unstable, vindictive decision and owning it can be better in the long run than caving to social pressure. You learn from your choices, instead of learning how to hide them away inside yourself.