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Much to my annoyance, the men who most often play this sexism-neutral role tend to be polite enemies rather than allies: Men who don’t much like me or who are s
by cantastoria 14y ago
Much to my annoyance, the men who most often play this sexism-neutral role tend to be polite enemies rather than allies: Men who don’t much like me or who are subtly trying to keep women out of a male-dominated area or some such but who are basically decent, professional people who don’t stoop to personal attacks and ugliness.
Do you think they actually are sexist but are just acting indifferent? What makes you think they are trying to keep you out because of your sex? Wouldn't the fact they play a sexism-netural role make that less of a possibility?
- Mz 14y agoI offered two possibilities there, one of which was that they don't much like me personally, which may have nothing whatsoever to do with my gender. So I am not suggesting that such men are necessarily sexist. But there are definitely cases where my read of a particular situation is that it is a subtle form of sexism, sometimes probably not consciously intentional but there nonetheless. Thanks.
- cantastoria 14y ago...where my read of a particular situation is that it is a subtle form of sexism, sometimes probably not consciously intentional but there nonetheless. Can you give an example of this?
- Mz 14y agoSome years ago, I belonged to a forum where two of the top dogs in the forum basically challenged me to post a nude photo of myself. I do not think either man was intentionally trying to be sexist but I read the situation as a group attempt to say "You cannot run with the big dogs. You are just a girl." It was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation -- a put up or shut up challenge where I should have "lost" no matter how I responded.
- SoftwareMaven 14y agoI don't know that I would call that subtle.
- Mz 14y agoI do not think anyone in the forum but me read it that way (because it was a subtle powerplay). It grew out of good natured kidding around. It is hard to convey the exact context. Let's just say I was doped to the gills, in constant excruciating pain and I have a ribald sense of humor. So I went quite a long ways towards setting myself up for the challenge.
- oh_sigh 14y agoThe best example you can come up with is something which happened in an online forum? A fabricated, but relevant "real life" story would have been much more appropriate. Heck, a less-relevant, but real "real life" story would have been more appropriate. My issue is that, if this is the best example you can think of, it makes me think you have not encountered these situations in "real life"
- Mz 14y agoIt happens to be the first thing that comes to mind for me because it happens to be an anecdote I reread moments before submitting this piece. Real life example: In a college class, my Egyptian professor would ask me three or four times "How do you know that?" every single time I answered a math question. It became blatant enough that he was being obtuse that a male class member blurted at some point "She has obviously already worked it out in her head." Best I can do for now as I have to go. Catch you later. Thanks.