5 ms·

If you have children or niblings, you’ll realize how ostracized from the community one gets if they have no access to social media. It would work if parents ban

by kredd 2y ago

If you have children or niblings, you’ll realize how ostracized from the community one gets if they have no access to social media. It would work if parents banded together and nobody in school would get access, but otherwise it just becomes a “there’s a giant club and you’re not a part of it”. As a child, that really hurts. When I was in high school, Facebook was just opening up access to everyone. I remember literally everyone getting on it, and swapping between messages in MSN, and some posts on FB. We had whole school wide conversations, planning and etc. on social media, and on days when I didn’t get in front of the computer to check things, I remember feeling left out. It’s just so much worse now, because every kid expects every other kid to be on the loop of things 24/7. I think that’s where we screwed up. Having just casual access without mobile phones was the sweet spot, in my opinion.

rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago
But why do you make it sound like it’s not an option to teach kids to not have fear of missing out and having meaningful ways of spending their time in the real, offline world? I guarantee you that there is nothing of value that other teens are saying that your own children need to be updated 24/7
- gommm 2y ago
  I also guarantee you that a teen who is not in the loop is much more likely to be ostracized and bullied in the offline world. So, yes you might try teaching your kid that they're not missing out that they can find more meaningful way to spend their time in the real offline world but, the fact is, they go to schools with kid who overwhelmingly are not taught that and who will dislike your kid for being different. Your kid doesn't live in isolation, he lives in society and, during school years is when social pressure to conform to the group norm is strongest. I'm speaking from experience here, I've been bullied as a teen, I definitely would rather avoid my son going through a similar experience.
  - rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago
    Eh, that’s not necessarily true. Other kids might bully your child for having a healthy set of offline interests and for not being like them who are all plugged in online, but I don’t see how it’s not an option to teach your kids to have a strong sense of identity and not give in to peer pressure while also assuring them that you’ve always got their back. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like parenting to me, it’s giving in to peer pressure. From kids. And you’re supposed to be an adult who already knows what’s right and wrong. If your kid’s peers all gain a liking for drugs or gambling or some other vice and they bully your child for not partaking, are you going to tell your child to participate? No, what you should do is show them the right way and to what’s good for them in the long term, even if it’s difficult for them to see it now because of their youth.
    - gommm 2y ago
      I had a strong sense of identity, I had good results, a good family life, my parents had my back, etc.. That didn't stop me from being bullied or pissed on while being held down by fucking assholes. So, I'd say, you either don't know what bullying is like or you're overly naive. And by the way, having my parents having my back and telling my teachers about the bullying just made things worse. It only improved when I changed school and punched the first guy who namecalled me. Anyway, to respond to your points: > What you’re describing doesn’t sound like parenting to me, it’s giving in to peer pressure. What I'm describing is knowing how society works and planning around it. It doesn't mean that I would give unrestricted access to social medias, it also doesn't mean that I would not be there to guide my child about how to use them, what the dangers are etc... I'm saying that straight up abstinence is not a good idea and doesn't work if your child lives in a society that doesn't abstain. There are also perverse effects whereby preventing your child from completely accessing social medias, you end up with a child who just hides it from you. > If your kid’s peers all gain a liking for drugs or gambling or some other vice and they bully your child for not partaking, are you going to tell your child to participate? I'd probably consider switching my child to a different school.
      - circlefavshape 2y ago
- raziel2p 2y ago
  You seem to be ignoring the fact that people plan things in real life over the internet. Conversations started online continue IRL, and vice-versa. Social media can be really bad, and maybe it's actually mostly bad, but it does facilitate real life interactions and good things. Imagine your child going to school but not being allowed to play with other kids in recess. Lots of bullying and physical violence can happen during recess, after all. Would you use that as an opportunity to teach them the dangers of FOMO, and to just read a book?
  - rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago
    It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them the lack of value of FOMO, especially when it’s validation from people who would bully you that you seek. I don’t see why what you’re recommending is a healthy response.
    - coldtea 2y ago
      >It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them the lack of value of FOMO Ever tried teaching anything to teenagers where their peers and society in general promote the opposite? Good luck with that...
      - short_sells_poo 2y ago
        I agree with you. It feels like some people here never interact with kids. It really is a very difficult problem to solve. You ban your kids from participating in social media, and you might end up hurting them much more by isolating them and getting them ostracized. In the end your cure ends up doing more damage than the illness would've. I absolutely agree that we should do something, and I'm trying my best. However, as long as a critical mass of young people are partaking, I cannot in good conscience force kids to stay off, because I know how bad that would make their life. So it's all about education and drilling the dangers into them as much as I can. Ultimately, this is a new world, with new rules and new dangers. The generation of millenials, boomers, etc - we are on the way out. We can advise the new generation, but they will have to find their own way to handle the dangers.
- searchableguy 2y ago
  Because people will not invite you if you are not in the group chat. Unfortunately, people have forgotten how to call and are afraid of receiving calls. This is more prominent among people who grew up with social media everywhere compared to ones who did not.
  - JoshTriplett 2y ago
    > Unfortunately, people have forgotten how to call and are afraid of receiving calls. That's unnecessarily reductionist. Calling is less convenient and takes longer.
    - doublerabbit 2y ago
      > That's unnecessarily reductionist. Calling is less convenient and takes longer. No, I don't think so. The time for me to ring you, tell you this in voice would be far quicker than typing. Calling conveys so much more than text ever can. A call can take seconds, "hey mate, want to go to the cinema tomorrow? Ill text you the time" "yeah cool, see ya". Voice expresses emotion, you can pick up the mood of your buddy if they're up, down, need cheering up. Its real, you hear a voice and you know it's your mate. Text, you assume. Text leaves you on edge waiting for confirmation. The only inconvenience is that you could be interrupting something and even if so, then send a text.
      - JoshTriplett 2y ago
        > The time for me to ring you, tell you this in voice would be far quicker than typing. The post you I was responding to was talking about "group chat". How long would it take for you to call 6 people? How long would it take for you to text 6 people? I'm all for calls from one person to another person, if you know that person doesn't mind voice calls. Text and group chats are great for coordination of groups.
        doublerabbit 2y ago
        Then apologies, I didn't clock on to that the discussion was regarding to group chats.
- kredd 2y ago
  I’m sorry for sounding so harsh, but have you been through public or private school where you’re some sort of a group of at least 50+ children? Sense of belonging is so natural, especially at that age, that you can’t tell a kid that it doesn’t matter. If your child just tells you “yeah I don’t care about others’ opinions”, then I’ll have a hard time to believe as well. As we age, and grow up, sure those things matter less. But come on, we’ve all been children, we’ve all wanted to be a part of some group. Some of us got bullied, some of us got ostracized, but we always wanted to belong.
  - watwut 2y ago
    > If your child just tells you “yeah I don’t care about others’ opinions”, This usually means "my close friends and peers have same opinions as I do and nobody else matter to us".

by kredd 2y ago

rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago

But why do you make it sound like it’s not an option to teach kids to not have fear of missing out and having meaningful ways of spending their time in the real, offline world? I guarantee you that there is nothing of value that other teens are saying that your own children need to be updated 24/7

gommm 2y ago
I also guarantee you that a teen who is not in the loop is much more likely to be ostracized and bullied in the offline world. So, yes you might try teaching your kid that they're not missing out that they can find more meaningful way to spend their time in the real offline world but, the fact is, they go to schools with kid who overwhelmingly are not taught that and who will dislike your kid for being different. Your kid doesn't live in isolation, he lives in society and, during school years is when social pressure to conform to the group norm is strongest. I'm speaking from experience here, I've been bullied as a teen, I definitely would rather avoid my son going through a similar experience.
- rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago
  Eh, that’s not necessarily true. Other kids might bully your child for having a healthy set of offline interests and for not being like them who are all plugged in online, but I don’t see how it’s not an option to teach your kids to have a strong sense of identity and not give in to peer pressure while also assuring them that you’ve always got their back. What you’re describing doesn’t sound like parenting to me, it’s giving in to peer pressure. From kids. And you’re supposed to be an adult who already knows what’s right and wrong. If your kid’s peers all gain a liking for drugs or gambling or some other vice and they bully your child for not partaking, are you going to tell your child to participate? No, what you should do is show them the right way and to what’s good for them in the long term, even if it’s difficult for them to see it now because of their youth.
  - gommm 2y ago
    I had a strong sense of identity, I had good results, a good family life, my parents had my back, etc.. That didn't stop me from being bullied or pissed on while being held down by fucking assholes. So, I'd say, you either don't know what bullying is like or you're overly naive. And by the way, having my parents having my back and telling my teachers about the bullying just made things worse. It only improved when I changed school and punched the first guy who namecalled me. Anyway, to respond to your points: > What you’re describing doesn’t sound like parenting to me, it’s giving in to peer pressure. What I'm describing is knowing how society works and planning around it. It doesn't mean that I would give unrestricted access to social medias, it also doesn't mean that I would not be there to guide my child about how to use them, what the dangers are etc... I'm saying that straight up abstinence is not a good idea and doesn't work if your child lives in a society that doesn't abstain. There are also perverse effects whereby preventing your child from completely accessing social medias, you end up with a child who just hides it from you. > If your kid’s peers all gain a liking for drugs or gambling or some other vice and they bully your child for not partaking, are you going to tell your child to participate? I'd probably consider switching my child to a different school.
    - circlefavshape 2y ago
raziel2p 2y ago
You seem to be ignoring the fact that people plan things in real life over the internet. Conversations started online continue IRL, and vice-versa. Social media can be really bad, and maybe it's actually mostly bad, but it does facilitate real life interactions and good things. Imagine your child going to school but not being allowed to play with other kids in recess. Lots of bullying and physical violence can happen during recess, after all. Would you use that as an opportunity to teach them the dangers of FOMO, and to just read a book?
- rTX5CMRXIfFG 2y ago
  It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them the lack of value of FOMO, especially when it’s validation from people who would bully you that you seek. I don’t see why what you’re recommending is a healthy response.
  - coldtea 2y ago
    >It’s the perfect opportunity to teach them the lack of value of FOMO Ever tried teaching anything to teenagers where their peers and society in general promote the opposite? Good luck with that...
    - short_sells_poo 2y ago
      I agree with you. It feels like some people here never interact with kids. It really is a very difficult problem to solve. You ban your kids from participating in social media, and you might end up hurting them much more by isolating them and getting them ostracized. In the end your cure ends up doing more damage than the illness would've. I absolutely agree that we should do something, and I'm trying my best. However, as long as a critical mass of young people are partaking, I cannot in good conscience force kids to stay off, because I know how bad that would make their life. So it's all about education and drilling the dangers into them as much as I can. Ultimately, this is a new world, with new rules and new dangers. The generation of millenials, boomers, etc - we are on the way out. We can advise the new generation, but they will have to find their own way to handle the dangers.
searchableguy 2y ago
Because people will not invite you if you are not in the group chat. Unfortunately, people have forgotten how to call and are afraid of receiving calls. This is more prominent among people who grew up with social media everywhere compared to ones who did not.
- JoshTriplett 2y ago
  > Unfortunately, people have forgotten how to call and are afraid of receiving calls. That's unnecessarily reductionist. Calling is less convenient and takes longer.
  - doublerabbit 2y ago
    > That's unnecessarily reductionist. Calling is less convenient and takes longer. No, I don't think so. The time for me to ring you, tell you this in voice would be far quicker than typing. Calling conveys so much more than text ever can. A call can take seconds, "hey mate, want to go to the cinema tomorrow? Ill text you the time" "yeah cool, see ya". Voice expresses emotion, you can pick up the mood of your buddy if they're up, down, need cheering up. Its real, you hear a voice and you know it's your mate. Text, you assume. Text leaves you on edge waiting for confirmation. The only inconvenience is that you could be interrupting something and even if so, then send a text.
    - JoshTriplett 2y ago
      > The time for me to ring you, tell you this in voice would be far quicker than typing. The post you I was responding to was talking about "group chat". How long would it take for you to call 6 people? How long would it take for you to text 6 people? I'm all for calls from one person to another person, if you know that person doesn't mind voice calls. Text and group chats are great for coordination of groups.
      - doublerabbit 2y ago
        Then apologies, I didn't clock on to that the discussion was regarding to group chats.
kredd 2y ago
I’m sorry for sounding so harsh, but have you been through public or private school where you’re some sort of a group of at least 50+ children? Sense of belonging is so natural, especially at that age, that you can’t tell a kid that it doesn’t matter. If your child just tells you “yeah I don’t care about others’ opinions”, then I’ll have a hard time to believe as well. As we age, and grow up, sure those things matter less. But come on, we’ve all been children, we’ve all wanted to be a part of some group. Some of us got bullied, some of us got ostracized, but we always wanted to belong.
- watwut 2y ago
  > If your child just tells you “yeah I don’t care about others’ opinions”, This usually means "my close friends and peers have same opinions as I do and nobody else matter to us".