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As co-parents with different homes in nearby towns, being able to coordinate with each other and our multiple children at multiple schools in real time became i

As co-parents with different homes in nearby towns, being able to coordinate with each other and our multiple children at multiple schools in real time became indispensable. The kids also used their phones constructively, for assignments, tracking school progress, Youtube how-to videos, contact with cousins, etc. They had social media accounts but they never became a focus. At school they kept their phones on silent and in their bags. -- Fortunately three insights helped us: 1. Casual addiction is the intersection of two problems: an unhealthy addictive thing, and a lack of engaging or planned healthier alternatives. Solve either one! But the latter problem is far tractable than the former. 2. There are only so many hours in a day, so solutions to the latter problem usually have a low complexity bound. 3. Social media isn't that rewarding for kids, once they have voluntarily invested their interest in longer term activities and challenges. Doom scrolling notably lacks any verifiable feeling of progress. So solutions are pretty robust to ups and downs. We kept our kids lives full of physical and real world social activities, family outings, social events at home, regularly eating times for talking and bonding, regular homework times, etc.

xeromal 3y ago
Flip phones are fine at communicating over SMS or phone calls. That's realtime enough for anything
- Nevermark 3y ago
  Like a lot of dead simple solutions, it throws out a lot of benefits and solutions for other important problems to solve one problem. But if it works for you, that's great.
slily 3y ago
We used to have computers in schools, on which we did all the things you present as requiring a cell phone to do, only without the persistent Internet access. Somehow we survived.
- Nevermark 3y ago
  Last time I checked, a kid in a car can't download an assignment they forgot to bring, check their grades, or submit an assignment electronically, to a school computer when away from school at a friends house, a second parents house, or on a trip a family trip, without a mobile device. Many people are more mobile now. And schools are increasingly supporting remote access and activities. It is especially fantastic for multi-home families where whatever a kids needs is often somewhere else. > Somehow we survived. This phrase is used a lot, but I seldom find it persuasive. We survived without tools that didn't exist in large part because they didn't exist for other people too. But when they arrive, and become popular, they change the balance of other things, whether any individual wants them to or not. Sometimes they are so popular and useful, they raise the baseline of what people need.
  - slily 3y ago
    Literally all of the examples you gave to support the idea that children need uninterrupted Internet access would be solved with a little bit of advance planning instead. Obviously your mind is made up, but that's not convincing at all.
    - Nevermark 3y ago
      You seem to be trivializing experiences I shared without providing a basis. Please correct me if I am wrong. > would be solved with a little bit of advance planning instead We needed more planning, because ...? I am lost as to your criteria here. We solved many complex family issues with smart phones, which the kids used responsibly, largely due to lots of planning of healthy activities and quality use of time. The kids also competently leveraged their phones for other valuable benefits, and it was especially nice for me to be able to contact them at any random point (outside of classes), without having to know where they were. They are my kids - being electronically present, via voice, text, pics, gaming apps, etc., when I was not able to be physically present, meant a great deal. > Obviously your mind is made up My "mind is made up" because ...? What is your basis here? Throwing around an empty (potentially projecting) accusation, does not make it true. For 25 years and going, we have adjusted our parenting roles by trying new things, seeing what works, seeing what stops working, and adjusting. "Making up our minds" would not be a useful means or goal.

xeromal 3y ago

Flip phones are fine at communicating over SMS or phone calls. That's realtime enough for anything

Nevermark 3y ago
Like a lot of dead simple solutions, it throws out a lot of benefits and solutions for other important problems to solve one problem. But if it works for you, that's great.

slily 3y ago

We used to have computers in schools, on which we did all the things you present as requiring a cell phone to do, only without the persistent Internet access. Somehow we survived.

Nevermark 3y ago
Last time I checked, a kid in a car can't download an assignment they forgot to bring, check their grades, or submit an assignment electronically, to a school computer when away from school at a friends house, a second parents house, or on a trip a family trip, without a mobile device. Many people are more mobile now. And schools are increasingly supporting remote access and activities. It is especially fantastic for multi-home families where whatever a kids needs is often somewhere else. > Somehow we survived. This phrase is used a lot, but I seldom find it persuasive. We survived without tools that didn't exist in large part because they didn't exist for other people too. But when they arrive, and become popular, they change the balance of other things, whether any individual wants them to or not. Sometimes they are so popular and useful, they raise the baseline of what people need.
- slily 3y ago
  Literally all of the examples you gave to support the idea that children need uninterrupted Internet access would be solved with a little bit of advance planning instead. Obviously your mind is made up, but that's not convincing at all.
  - Nevermark 3y ago
    You seem to be trivializing experiences I shared without providing a basis. Please correct me if I am wrong. > would be solved with a little bit of advance planning instead We needed more planning, because ...? I am lost as to your criteria here. We solved many complex family issues with smart phones, which the kids used responsibly, largely due to lots of planning of healthy activities and quality use of time. The kids also competently leveraged their phones for other valuable benefits, and it was especially nice for me to be able to contact them at any random point (outside of classes), without having to know where they were. They are my kids - being electronically present, via voice, text, pics, gaming apps, etc., when I was not able to be physically present, meant a great deal. > Obviously your mind is made up My "mind is made up" because ...? What is your basis here? Throwing around an empty (potentially projecting) accusation, does not make it true. For 25 years and going, we have adjusted our parenting roles by trying new things, seeing what works, seeing what stops working, and adjusting. "Making up our minds" would not be a useful means or goal.