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I feel so bad for teenagers/kids who we essentially screwed over with this tech experience. That said, I don't feel great for the rest of us either! I feel like

I feel so bad for teenagers/kids who we essentially screwed over with this tech experience. That said, I don't feel great for the rest of us either! I feel like my phone has become a significant negative in my life. And in general, I'm quite scared because we have put things in place that we know are bad for mental health: 1. Even if we may not like it all the time, there is tons of data that show that personal interactions and relationships are good for mental health. With so much technology and so many things going remote (I'm not just talking jobs, but I'm talking about the fact that it's very easy, for example, to never need to walk into a store anymore. I recently went to a fast food restaurant and there were no customers inside at lunchtime, normally a busy time, and I ordered on a kiosk and everyone else just ordered at the drivethrough) it's harder and harder to just see random people and our friends without explicit planning. 2. As someone who recently got over a severe episode of depression, I strongly believe time spent in nature and just outside in general is really good for the mental health of humans. With so much tech it's easier and easier to basically never go outside unless you make it a point to do so.

brailsafe 3y ago
Your points here are worth more emphasis. As a chronically unemployed software dev who's burnt out and crashed at least 3 times, I've spent a hell of a lot of time reflecting, and try my best to communicate these ideas to people who have the opposite problem; lots of work, but no new friends since highschool, and desperately single. People tend to rely far too heavily on the easiest way to convince themselves they're having valuable social interactions, whether it's social media or betting that their work friends will still be there when they get laid off. They'll rely on Tinder for sex and try to bridge that to something more meaningful out of thin air, or they'll buy a dog and hope that solves the problem. Some of these are uniquely millenial and onward, some others carry over from Gen X and boomer culture imo, whereby you isolate yourself from the rest of society in the suburbs or wherever and count on personal relationships you acquired for free. Along with this, in many places we've let the catalysts for social growth get stripped away by commodity bullshit and simulated interaction. Costco is probably the closest thing many people have to bumping into someone, no shot are they going to do it at the adult version of the playground, because there often isn't one and they won't go. (obviously this is more true in some places and for some people than it is for people who've realized this or who innately direct their life this way). My theory is that to meet a new person and have it be substantial, you basically need to spend a few hours, a few times per week, in the same space doing some arbitrarily interesting thing for a common reason, without being too eager but with a signaled sense of openness. You don't become a pro anything spending 30 min a week on it, and no valuable personal relationships come about that way either. That's how you met people in Uni, that's how you met people at work, you gotta branch off of those places and ya gotta keep it going gradually. If you don't live in a place that facilitates that, vote with your wallet and try to find a new one. This goes for nature too, if you're only exposure is 2 days of hiking once a year when you travel, and the rest is spent in an office, it's not something you can remedy any other way. If you drive to work 1 hour each way, and work 8 hours, you're probably doomed, unless you've already done all that and can keep your existing things going. It's just not enough margin, be real about what you're sacrificing and why.
- firewolf34 3y ago
  > My theory is that to meet a new person and have it be substantial, you basically need to spend a few hours, a few times per week, in the same space doing some arbitrarily interesting thing for a common reason, without being too eager but with a signaled sense of openness. I like this concept, and I feel like I've experienced this as well, but I'm having trouble picturing an example of what you're describing, practically speaking, for the average city-dweller. Care to elaborate on this?
  - klyrs 3y ago
    I kinda met a gal in a class I was taking at a community center. Couldn't tell if she's into me or just nice; didn't push it. Maybe I'll see her in another class in the future, but I'm there to learn.
    - throwaway2037 3y ago
      Why is this downvoted? It answers the GP. It seems reasonable to me. Taking classes at the community center sounds like a good way to meet people.
      - abnercoimbre 3y ago
        Made no sense to downvote him, it's actually relevant to the discussion.
        klyrs 3y ago
        Her, but alright.
        abnercoimbre 3y ago
        Sorry. I'm gay, I get it :)
        3y ago
epolanski 3y ago
> With so much technology and so many things going remote it's harder and harder to just see random people and our friends without explicit planning. The average american adult went from socializing with friends and family 12+ hours a week few decades ago to less than 4.
- tnel77 3y ago
  One complaint I have is that it feels like I have to put in almost all the work to make plans with friends and family. Also, these plans must be well in advance. My immediate family and I might decide to go to a park and I’ll text a friend that lives nearby. “Hey, if you’re looking for an excuse to get out of the house we will be at <park>.” No one has ever taken us up on this kind of invitation even though they’ll later complain about being bored or needing to get out.
sourcecodeplz 3y ago
Depends on where you live and maybe for how long. For me for example, I live in the city in an apartment. I go out in the morning to buy bread. It is 50% likely I will meet someone from my neighborhood and chat for a minute or just say hi. If I really want to chat a little, I will go to one of the other small shops next to me and buy a beer/coffee and talk with the owner or whoever is outside the store. Because I work from home most of my friends are at work during the day. But come evening and you can hang out for at least an hour, with someone you know, every single day if you want. There is no planning, you just go to the places you know people hang out, and they will be there. And if you don't want to talk much, you can just listen. I feel I am blessed to have this because I was an expat for some years and you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.
- misiti3780 3y ago
  you live somewhere in europe i assume?
  - ametrau 3y ago
    Haha I was thinking the exact same thing. No way is this a city where I come from
specialist 3y ago
re #2: Yup. My solution is volunteering, creating urban forests. Digging out invasives, planting natives. It's surprisingly social. And helps my mental health.

brailsafe 3y ago

Your points here are worth more emphasis. As a chronically unemployed software dev who's burnt out and crashed at least 3 times, I've spent a hell of a lot of time reflecting, and try my best to communicate these ideas to people who have the opposite problem; lots of work, but no new friends since highschool, and desperately single. People tend to rely far too heavily on the easiest way to convince themselves they're having valuable social interactions, whether it's social media or betting that their work friends will still be there when they get laid off. They'll rely on Tinder for sex and try to bridge that to something more meaningful out of thin air, or they'll buy a dog and hope that solves the problem. Some of these are uniquely millenial and onward, some others carry over from Gen X and boomer culture imo, whereby you isolate yourself from the rest of society in the suburbs or wherever and count on personal relationships you acquired for free. Along with this, in many places we've let the catalysts for social growth get stripped away by commodity bullshit and simulated interaction. Costco is probably the closest thing many people have to bumping into someone, no shot are they going to do it at the adult version of the playground, because there often isn't one and they won't go. (obviously this is more true in some places and for some people than it is for people who've realized this or who innately direct their life this way). My theory is that to meet a new person and have it be substantial, you basically need to spend a few hours, a few times per week, in the same space doing some arbitrarily interesting thing for a common reason, without being too eager but with a signaled sense of openness. You don't become a pro anything spending 30 min a week on it, and no valuable personal relationships come about that way either. That's how you met people in Uni, that's how you met people at work, you gotta branch off of those places and ya gotta keep it going gradually. If you don't live in a place that facilitates that, vote with your wallet and try to find a new one. This goes for nature too, if you're only exposure is 2 days of hiking once a year when you travel, and the rest is spent in an office, it's not something you can remedy any other way. If you drive to work 1 hour each way, and work 8 hours, you're probably doomed, unless you've already done all that and can keep your existing things going. It's just not enough margin, be real about what you're sacrificing and why.

firewolf34 3y ago
> My theory is that to meet a new person and have it be substantial, you basically need to spend a few hours, a few times per week, in the same space doing some arbitrarily interesting thing for a common reason, without being too eager but with a signaled sense of openness. I like this concept, and I feel like I've experienced this as well, but I'm having trouble picturing an example of what you're describing, practically speaking, for the average city-dweller. Care to elaborate on this?
- klyrs 3y ago
  I kinda met a gal in a class I was taking at a community center. Couldn't tell if she's into me or just nice; didn't push it. Maybe I'll see her in another class in the future, but I'm there to learn.
  - throwaway2037 3y ago
    Why is this downvoted? It answers the GP. It seems reasonable to me. Taking classes at the community center sounds like a good way to meet people.
    - abnercoimbre 3y ago
      Made no sense to downvote him, it's actually relevant to the discussion.
      - klyrs 3y ago
        Her, but alright.
        abnercoimbre 3y ago
        Sorry. I'm gay, I get it :)
        3y ago

epolanski 3y ago

> With so much technology and so many things going remote it's harder and harder to just see random people and our friends without explicit planning. The average american adult went from socializing with friends and family 12+ hours a week few decades ago to less than 4.

tnel77 3y ago
One complaint I have is that it feels like I have to put in almost all the work to make plans with friends and family. Also, these plans must be well in advance. My immediate family and I might decide to go to a park and I’ll text a friend that lives nearby. “Hey, if you’re looking for an excuse to get out of the house we will be at <park>.” No one has ever taken us up on this kind of invitation even though they’ll later complain about being bored or needing to get out.

sourcecodeplz 3y ago

Depends on where you live and maybe for how long. For me for example, I live in the city in an apartment. I go out in the morning to buy bread. It is 50% likely I will meet someone from my neighborhood and chat for a minute or just say hi. If I really want to chat a little, I will go to one of the other small shops next to me and buy a beer/coffee and talk with the owner or whoever is outside the store. Because I work from home most of my friends are at work during the day. But come evening and you can hang out for at least an hour, with someone you know, every single day if you want. There is no planning, you just go to the places you know people hang out, and they will be there. And if you don't want to talk much, you can just listen. I feel I am blessed to have this because I was an expat for some years and you don't know what you have until you don't have it anymore.

misiti3780 3y ago
you live somewhere in europe i assume?
- ametrau 3y ago
  Haha I was thinking the exact same thing. No way is this a city where I come from

specialist 3y ago

re #2: Yup. My solution is volunteering, creating urban forests. Digging out invasives, planting natives. It's surprisingly social. And helps my mental health.