4 ms·

Hmm, well, imagine this turning up on HN! I attend 1,2-maybe-3 funerals every year because of this exact project, and while every one of these is very different

Hmm, well, imagine this turning up on HN! I attend 1,2-maybe-3 funerals every year because of this exact project, and while every one of these is very different, the experience is always humbling. Most of the time, literally nobody will show up. So, you'll pay your respect to the deceased using a short speech that is based on the information provided (which is usually pretty scarce, like: "found abandoned, identified, but no next-of-kin responded") complemented with Google and your imagination, and that's about it. Then, there are the occasions where one or two people will attend. These are usually the hardest: you have to make clear that you don't actually know the first thing about the deceased, other than what Google told you, and that might be ENTIRELY wrong, but still have to deliver a coherent eulogy. Poems work best for these situations, and sometimes talking to the visitors is quite revealing as well. And then, there are surprises, like a room full of people turning up, and you being able to elicit stories from family and friends, and basically having a regular funeral. But I admit that happened once in like the past decade or so. Anyway, I think it's important that nobody is left to their final resting place without witnesses, and I also find avoiding that is a good way to engage with your community...

delichon 2y ago
It would probably be emotionally harder to spend the same energy on visiting the dying in hospice care but it would be more than symbolic. I'd rather have you show up and say "Hi, want to talk?" than go to my wake. But since I don't do either you're a more compassionate person than me either way.
- DiggyJohnson 2y ago
  Is it right to critique someone's good works because you can think of an even more challenging and selfless activity they could be doing instead?
- deleted 2y ago
  [deleted]
- muffinman26 2y ago
  I notice several people saying the energy is better spent on hospice, but these seem like different activities to me? Not everyone who dies spends time in hospice. Wikipedia says 7-8% die from accidents and violence, and over 30% die from heart disease, which would include sudden death due to things like heart attack. I'd also expect those who die in hospice to be less likely to have unattended/low-attendance funerals. Family and friends have time to plan and gather for the death because they know it's coming. They also have time to adjust start the grieving process. If someone I knew died suddenly and I was the only one who could make it to their funeral, I would certainly appreciate having someone else there as a witness, even if they didn't know much about the deceased.
- Gud 2y ago
  You’re right, this is a great suggestion! You should totally do it!
NietTim 2y ago
Something I feel like you've left out that is important: It's a gesture of respect, ensuring that no one's passing goes unnoticed. And more of a comment to the other replies; a relative being unable to be contacted currently doesn't mean they don't care. Them finding out later and knowing, despite everything, they got a dignified ending might give them some peace. These funerals are not being held for the people attending them but at the same time you can't have a funeral without someone attending them.
user_7832 2y ago
Is there a way you are alerted about this? Depending on the details I might be interested, I don't live too far from Amsterdam.
- PreInternet01 2y ago
  See http://www.eenzameuitvaart.nl http://www.eenzameuitvaart.nl -- there are contact details for various regions
  - user_7832 2y ago
    Thank you!
jddj 2y ago
Internet commentators here trying to critique and optimise your time spent turning up to funerals to say something nice when nobody else has is a little disappointing. As a thing that happens in the world, an empty funeral is a sad thing. Zoom out folks.
- PreInternet01 2y ago
  To be honest, I sort-of-expected a lot more conversation around the mechanics of the ceremony (after all, with a lonely funeral, you're the director!), which is a fascinating topic on its own. Instead, reactions were more like those to a viral video: how dare you pay attention to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it? I did not manage to complete all responses I started typing out because of, well, feelings, but that strangely helped to justify the handful of hours I spend on this particular project every year...
- Fnoord 2y ago
  When I zoom out, I wonder who you do it for, and indeed I come to the conclusion there is so much hatred in this world (including in and around Amsterdam), where people would be better off with giving each other love and attention while alive. There's also people who like solitude. Whereas for the person doing this, it is a (hopefully fun) hobby, and totally within their right to do so. But to say they do it for others? No. After all, nobody notices, there is no meaningful impact whatsoever. Which, to be honest, is a sad realization. You see, the last funeral I went to, was a good friend of my mother. We had to travel throughout the country. I didn't see her much past years, and she wasn't a friend of mine, but I liked her. Why did I go? To support my mother, and because she was a kind person as far as I knew her, and to support the family (her kids especially). In a lone funeral though, none of these factors apply. There's another aspect when I zoom out: why funeral? Why not a different way to leave earth? There are much less impactful methods. Especially Amsterdam is a crowded city. The friend of my mother, for example, went to a natuurbegrafenis (natural burial?) which fits her character very much. It was beautiful.
  - CMCDragonkai 2y ago
    Funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living to reconcile together with loss. The fact nobody shows up is telling about the state of society.

delichon 2y ago

It would probably be emotionally harder to spend the same energy on visiting the dying in hospice care but it would be more than symbolic. I'd rather have you show up and say "Hi, want to talk?" than go to my wake. But since I don't do either you're a more compassionate person than me either way.

DiggyJohnson 2y ago
Is it right to critique someone's good works because you can think of an even more challenging and selfless activity they could be doing instead?
deleted 2y ago
[deleted]
muffinman26 2y ago
I notice several people saying the energy is better spent on hospice, but these seem like different activities to me? Not everyone who dies spends time in hospice. Wikipedia says 7-8% die from accidents and violence, and over 30% die from heart disease, which would include sudden death due to things like heart attack. I'd also expect those who die in hospice to be less likely to have unattended/low-attendance funerals. Family and friends have time to plan and gather for the death because they know it's coming. They also have time to adjust start the grieving process. If someone I knew died suddenly and I was the only one who could make it to their funeral, I would certainly appreciate having someone else there as a witness, even if they didn't know much about the deceased.
Gud 2y ago
You’re right, this is a great suggestion! You should totally do it!

NietTim 2y ago

Something I feel like you've left out that is important: It's a gesture of respect, ensuring that no one's passing goes unnoticed. And more of a comment to the other replies; a relative being unable to be contacted currently doesn't mean they don't care. Them finding out later and knowing, despite everything, they got a dignified ending might give them some peace. These funerals are not being held for the people attending them but at the same time you can't have a funeral without someone attending them.

user_7832 2y ago

Is there a way you are alerted about this? Depending on the details I might be interested, I don't live too far from Amsterdam.

PreInternet01 2y ago
See http://www.eenzameuitvaart.nl http://www.eenzameuitvaart.nl -- there are contact details for various regions
- user_7832 2y ago
  Thank you!

jddj 2y ago

Internet commentators here trying to critique and optimise your time spent turning up to funerals to say something nice when nobody else has is a little disappointing. As a thing that happens in the world, an empty funeral is a sad thing. Zoom out folks.

PreInternet01 2y ago
To be honest, I sort-of-expected a lot more conversation around the mechanics of the ceremony (after all, with a lonely funeral, you're the director!), which is a fascinating topic on its own. Instead, reactions were more like those to a viral video: how dare you pay attention to someone who clearly doesn't deserve it? I did not manage to complete all responses I started typing out because of, well, feelings, but that strangely helped to justify the handful of hours I spend on this particular project every year...
Fnoord 2y ago
When I zoom out, I wonder who you do it for, and indeed I come to the conclusion there is so much hatred in this world (including in and around Amsterdam), where people would be better off with giving each other love and attention while alive. There's also people who like solitude. Whereas for the person doing this, it is a (hopefully fun) hobby, and totally within their right to do so. But to say they do it for others? No. After all, nobody notices, there is no meaningful impact whatsoever. Which, to be honest, is a sad realization. You see, the last funeral I went to, was a good friend of my mother. We had to travel throughout the country. I didn't see her much past years, and she wasn't a friend of mine, but I liked her. Why did I go? To support my mother, and because she was a kind person as far as I knew her, and to support the family (her kids especially). In a lone funeral though, none of these factors apply. There's another aspect when I zoom out: why funeral? Why not a different way to leave earth? There are much less impactful methods. Especially Amsterdam is a crowded city. The friend of my mother, for example, went to a natuurbegrafenis (natural burial?) which fits her character very much. It was beautiful.
- CMCDragonkai 2y ago
  Funerals are not for the dead. They are for the living to reconcile together with loss. The fact nobody shows up is telling about the state of society.