6 ms·
On writing your feelings. I remember a WAMU radio show talking about a woman who was abused by her father. She wrote the 5 steps of forgiveness which as I mor
by javier_e06 3y ago
On writing your feelings.
I remember a WAMU radio show talking about a woman who was abused by her father.
She wrote the 5 steps of forgiveness which as I more or less recall go something
like this:
The 5 steps of asking for forgiveness.
The offender to the offended should:
1. Describe in detail exactly what he/she/they did that cause the offense.
2. Describe in detail how those actions made the offended feel.
3. Explain in detail why he/she/they took such actions.
4. Describe in detail what corrective actions he/she/they should take.
5. Describe in detail what the offended could do to move forward.
Now the interesting part is that the woman's father was already dead
when she wrote the steps. She wrote a letter using the 5 steps as if she was her father, who denied to his death that the abuse ever happened, asking for forgiveness.
It helped her.
I wished I could remember the name of the book or the radio show but it was
years ago.
- blastro 3y agoYes, forgiveness is really for the offended, not the offender. It can be a heavy weight to carry.
- 0xdeadbeefbabe 3y agoDoesn't the offender carry a heavy weight anymore?
- blastro 2y agoThere's no way for you to know
- javier_e06 2y agoThe Jewish folk have the day of atonement Yom Kippur (Day of atonement). The day to ask for forgiveness and forgive others. I believe Henny Youngman, one-liner comedian said: "Yesterday was Yom Kippur, I went a bought a Mercedes" ;)
- CooCooCaCha 3y agoI get confused by the way people use the word "forgiveness". For me, forgiveness can only occur when I understand someone's point of view and determine that there was information I wasn't aware of or they made a mistake and what they did isn't really who they are. But when I read about forgiveness it seems like people also use the term to refer to a process of gaslighting yourself and/or making up a fake story to detach yourself from reality. Frankly, I see a lot of therapy this way. Some people go through terrible things, and some people's lives suck, but a lot of therapy sounds like brainwashing yourself to deal with it.
- idontpost 3y ago[dead]
- diputsmonro 3y agoI would say that "brainwashing yourself to deal with it" actually is a useful therapeutic technique. Often the person who committed the offense can't be made to understand or care about the damage they've caused, and the next best thing then is to help the injured person move on as best they can. And while "brainwashing" sounds like an intellectually dishonest technique, we need to remember that the brain is not a perfectly logical instrument. The trauma that people seek help for carries an emotional toll usually in excess of the simple logical "disagreement". Therapy for such trauma is usually an emotional process, not a logical one. I would agree though that "forgiveness" is maybe not the best term for this.
- steanne 3y agoclosure?
- Zolomon 3y agoI think part of the solution might be acceptance, that you can accept the situation and “forgive” the offender - which will relieve yourself of your feelings towards them, allowing yourself to let go and move on. Does that make sense?
- bluefirebrand 3y ago
- throwcomment11 3y ago[dead]