>rigid gender roles I don't mean to say they're absolute. However I think the point I'm trying to get at is that they're a fact of life one has to deal with, e

>rigid gender roles I don't mean to say they're absolute. However I think the point I'm trying to get at is that they're a fact of life one has to deal with, even if they're not ideal. I have observed that when I was most doggedly and earnestly pursuing my passion, women, even those who outwardly expressed their disdain for traditional gender roles, dismissed me romantically and sexually. Sometimes they even made jokes at my expense that belittled my stature as a man. But when I put my passion on the back burner, had a job where I had some prestige & status as 'in charge of others', and was working out regularly enough for results visible through my clothing, those very same women treated me better and many expressed attraction. More than a couple made romantic/sexual advances. I liked being fit, but I hated that job. I'm not saying we should teach young men to like this or that this is ideal. But it is the way things are, even in circles that are very socially progressive. Again, there are exceptions, but they are few enough to prove the rule. >If...one day you get into a freak accident...you're going to get dropped like a hot potato Totally. But that's about more than basic attraction, it's higher values like loyalty that come into play after a relationship starts. And if you try to date by filtering for that quality up front, you're going to have a very, very difficult time. Like I said, we should encourage becoming a whole person, beyond gender roles. But young people should know that someone who values your self-actualization is a rare ideal, not a practical commonality. To only seek relationships with that kind of person is to be alone most, if not all, of your life. I am speaking from experience.