4 ms·

Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd program

Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd programs. Takes the edge away, saves time and energy, etc. Not fashionable to talk about it in such terms. But it is a factor.

Der_Einzige 3y ago
God if only. Unfortunately, they call it the ol "ball and chain" for a reason. Most men would happily sleep around with many women as they could if they had a "pass" from their partner. I wouldn't even be surprised if more than half of all married men would describe their sex life in terms like "mediocre" or worse. Marriage is supposed to solve that issue, but I claim that among other things, falling marriage rates indicate that increasingly large numbers of (usually men) are prioritizing sleeping around over settling down.
- richrichie 3y ago
  Most phd students are not the bar hopping pick up artists. And female students in campuses don’t exactly hunt phd students to sleep with either. Marriage works. I am not talking about over 10 or 20 years. But during this period, it solves the problem of sex.
  - Der_Einzige 3y ago
    Significant swaths of Ph.D students would abandon all of their scholarly endeavors if they could go bar hopping and be pick-up artists. "Female students not hunting for Ph.D students" is evidence that, especially for men, getting lots of education is straight up "unattractive". Why should I even want a Ph.d if all it signals to the other sex is that I'm not just a nerd, but a nerd with a poor ability to calculate ROI. At least a lot of the "jocks" ended up with a good ROI job in finance that they got from their frat brothers rich dad.
    - fwip 3y ago
      > Why should I even want a Ph.d if... I dunno dude, why do you do literally anything in life? Surely your life doesn't revolve around finding a wife.
    - linguae 3y ago
      Earning a PhD is about showing employers that you are capable of producing novel research results. You should earn a PhD because you are interested in deeply investigating a research problem, and also because you are interested in pursuing a career in research despite the uncertainties that entails, particularly the competition for academic positions and the trend in industry away from unfettered research and toward business-driven research. If you cannot live with the uncertainty that a research career entails, and if you feel that earning a PhD is a relationship/sexual repellant, then you should consider another career path. Besides, a PhD didn’t stop Oppenheimer and Feynman.
- wholinator2 3y ago
  Well, this also discounts the whole "is a problem for the types of guys found in phd programs" thing. Yeah, a large majority of guys would like to sleep with women. It's not just a factor of, "does my wife expect me to not fuck around", and is significantly, "is there anyone in my life that i can actually have sex with". Loneliness is a big deal and for a quiet and introverted, private guy having a wife raises the potential partners from 0 to 1, an infinitely higher amount. Yeah, if you have the body type and personality type and time and willingness to seek out and sleep with random women then go for it. But just because you don't fit that bill doesn't mean you don't need sexual comfort in your life. (I don't believe you said that, but it's a useful statement for me to make)
aleph_minus_one 3y ago
> Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd programs. In my observation among the students who do well in PhD programs, you can find a lot more asexual people than in the general population. In this sense, you are probably right in the argument > Takes the edge away, saves time and energy, etc. but for a nearly opposite reason.

Der_Einzige 3y ago

God if only. Unfortunately, they call it the ol "ball and chain" for a reason. Most men would happily sleep around with many women as they could if they had a "pass" from their partner. I wouldn't even be surprised if more than half of all married men would describe their sex life in terms like "mediocre" or worse. Marriage is supposed to solve that issue, but I claim that among other things, falling marriage rates indicate that increasingly large numbers of (usually men) are prioritizing sleeping around over settling down.

richrichie 3y ago
Most phd students are not the bar hopping pick up artists. And female students in campuses don’t exactly hunt phd students to sleep with either. Marriage works. I am not talking about over 10 or 20 years. But during this period, it solves the problem of sex.
- Der_Einzige 3y ago
  Significant swaths of Ph.D students would abandon all of their scholarly endeavors if they could go bar hopping and be pick-up artists. "Female students not hunting for Ph.D students" is evidence that, especially for men, getting lots of education is straight up "unattractive". Why should I even want a Ph.d if all it signals to the other sex is that I'm not just a nerd, but a nerd with a poor ability to calculate ROI. At least a lot of the "jocks" ended up with a good ROI job in finance that they got from their frat brothers rich dad.
  - fwip 3y ago
    > Why should I even want a Ph.d if... I dunno dude, why do you do literally anything in life? Surely your life doesn't revolve around finding a wife.
  - linguae 3y ago
    Earning a PhD is about showing employers that you are capable of producing novel research results. You should earn a PhD because you are interested in deeply investigating a research problem, and also because you are interested in pursuing a career in research despite the uncertainties that entails, particularly the competition for academic positions and the trend in industry away from unfettered research and toward business-driven research. If you cannot live with the uncertainty that a research career entails, and if you feel that earning a PhD is a relationship/sexual repellant, then you should consider another career path. Besides, a PhD didn’t stop Oppenheimer and Feynman.
wholinator2 3y ago
Well, this also discounts the whole "is a problem for the types of guys found in phd programs" thing. Yeah, a large majority of guys would like to sleep with women. It's not just a factor of, "does my wife expect me to not fuck around", and is significantly, "is there anyone in my life that i can actually have sex with". Loneliness is a big deal and for a quiet and introverted, private guy having a wife raises the potential partners from 0 to 1, an infinitely higher amount. Yeah, if you have the body type and personality type and time and willingness to seek out and sleep with random women then go for it. But just because you don't fit that bill doesn't mean you don't need sexual comfort in your life. (I don't believe you said that, but it's a useful statement for me to make)

aleph_minus_one 3y ago

> Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd programs. In my observation among the students who do well in PhD programs, you can find a lot more asexual people than in the general population. In this sense, you are probably right in the argument > Takes the edge away, saves time and energy, etc. but for a nearly opposite reason.