5 ms·

What if women aren’t interested in you?

by silverquiet 3y ago

teaearlgraycold 3y ago
Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in.
- throwaway35777 3y ago
  Go into an industry that's not overly political and where you're useful enough not to be judged on arbitrary qualities like your (a)sexuality.
- aleph_minus_one 3y ago
  > Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in. ... like making lots of money. :-D
  - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
    Just don’t pick someone that has that as one of their top 3 reasons to be with you. But money does help with almost everything.
  - Der_Einzige 3y ago
    [flagged]
    - bigbillheck 3y ago
      > The consensus? He has tons of "red flags" for basically being "billy the beta" who won't excite the women who would come into contact with him. Hardly anyone is surprised that he can't get dates. Quoting one of the top comments: "his persona reads to be like a human representation of mashed potatoes with no seasoning, bland. " There's a couple people in that thread who used the term "beta" but I wouldn't call it the consensus. There's some calling him "boring", but there's also a bunch of ladies saying "maybe if I were single", and a bunch more saying "wanting kids is a dealbreaker". And in any case things seem to have worked out for him: "This profile was published in August 2022; I'm no longer single, but wanted to leave it up since it was an important document for me." (https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/ https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/) > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". We software people trade our game for our money. It's sad but it is what it is. I blame the widespread normalization of "nerds" being bullied by "jocks" in TV from the 1980s on. The cultural damage this has done is unreal. I don't think this is true at all. > Seriously - the most unrealistic thing about the movie "wargames" is the idea that a kid who looked like that doing a bunch of command line shit would have a girl who looked like that interested in him (and his computer!). Matthew Broderick ended up marrying Sarah Jessica Parker.
    - dragonwriter 3y ago
      > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". Its not, but buying into the belief that it is is.
    - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
      More than 90% of dating advice is overfitting. It’s high stakes and there is plenty of signal to glean, but once you know the basics of the situation the rest is up to chance. Which means if you’re being picky (and I think to should be if you can) success can take a while. In the meantime you could end up desperately pulling apart facts like a conspiracy theorist. The best advice, at least for people that aren’t super lucky, is to stop trying, do the obvious things (be healthy, happy, financially comfortable) and live a life that puts you in contact with women.
telmo 3y ago
Try to find out why, and please avoid Internet "red pill" stuff. I'm not telling you this as any sort of political statement nor am I trying to fight any culture wars here. This is just the advice of a middle-age guy with perfectly mediocre / average looks, and some life experience. From what I observe, 9 times out of 10 the problem lies in personality. I know plenty of guys with no money and no looks that have no trouble attracting the interest of the opposite sex. Why? Because they have a great personality, as in, it feels good to be around them. Furthermore, people who rely only on look and status to attract a partner and do not work on themselves are unlikely to have a happy relationship in the long term. I am not blaming people for having unappealing personalities. This is usually the product of things that are outside of their control, usually some sort of trauma. Life is not fair. A lot of people are traumatized and do not realize it. This can be overcome, but you must want to overcame it and you must be able to face harsh truths. Maybe therapy can help, maybe meditation, maybe even things that are considered "woo" but that allow you to face your demons. Whatever works and clicks with you is a valid answer. All roads lead to Rome if you are courageous enough. Check out this guy, I have the impression he is particularly suited for the HN demographics: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG Good luck man, you can do it!
- bckr 3y ago
  Awesome, I recommended the same channel.
- grepLeigh 3y ago
  I also don't want to dredge up culture wars stuff, but just wanted to say it's really nice to see men warning other men away from the redpill path. Thanks for encouraging therapy and self-healing.
- Spooky23 3y ago
  Good advice. In my observation, especially as you get out of your 20s, single guys are… kinda phone it in for various reasons. Even moderate effort makes a dude a rockstar.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  Do you think living with my parents due to disability could be an issue?
bckr 3y ago
You’ve got significant foundational work to do. I’d start with Healthy Gamer GG’s channel[] and also pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. [] https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp
- anewhnaccount2 3y ago
  You don't know that this person has lots of work to do on themselves. These things are partially a matter of compatibility, putting yourself out there (which is a thing you do rather than a thing you become), and yes, unfortunately, pure dumb luck.
  - j45 3y ago
    Being out there a lot is the dumb luck of human propagation. Seems pretty effective.
  - bckr 3y ago
    I do know, because “what if women aren’t interested in you” is a question you don’t ask after a certain degree of development. I don’t know how long it will take to do this work. With a foundation of personal development and the right attitude, I bet you can go from “what if women aren’t interested in me” to successfully dating in under 6 weeks. If you need to learn how to develop yourself, it could take 6 months or more before you’re able to internalize the needed lessons.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  Been through it. Never really could take any of this stuff all that seriously. Especially after the woman I ended up closest to passed away. I’m mostly wondering how the people who recommend marriage as a solution to a lot of ills (and I think it’s an issue worth exploring but I also think there’s a lot of correlation/causation mixups here) expect people to take action on that.
  - bckr 3y ago
    My heart goes out to you with regard to the death of your loved one. Do not let death and grieving pull you permanently out of the realm of intimate relationships. Human connection is foundational to all kinds of success. Taking it seriously has served me well.
hotdogscout 3y ago
Newton died a virgin, averages are defined by average people, don't stress on their anecdote and don't put your value in what women think of you.
- j45 3y ago
  It's everyone's personal choice but if Newton had some descendants, I wonder how that might have turned out.
  - hotdogscout 3y ago
    Mediocre probably. I don't think biology is the bottleneck of great ideas. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family
    - j45 3y ago
      I don't think it is either, but there can be inter-generational momentum
j45 3y ago
Everything is a function of the self-effort place into self-growth. Because everyone's special, and therefore no one is special, there is someone just like you who you will be very compatible with, both in the beginning and growing through the seasons of life together. It just begins with deciding how you want to look at possibility, or not. Our minds go how and where we focus.

What if women aren’t interested in you?

teaearlgraycold 3y ago

Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in.

throwaway35777 3y ago
Go into an industry that's not overly political and where you're useful enough not to be judged on arbitrary qualities like your (a)sexuality.
aleph_minus_one 3y ago
> Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in. ... like making lots of money. :-D
- teaearlgraycold 3y ago
  Just don’t pick someone that has that as one of their top 3 reasons to be with you. But money does help with almost everything.
- Der_Einzige 3y ago
  [flagged]
  - bigbillheck 3y ago
    > The consensus? He has tons of "red flags" for basically being "billy the beta" who won't excite the women who would come into contact with him. Hardly anyone is surprised that he can't get dates. Quoting one of the top comments: "his persona reads to be like a human representation of mashed potatoes with no seasoning, bland. " There's a couple people in that thread who used the term "beta" but I wouldn't call it the consensus. There's some calling him "boring", but there's also a bunch of ladies saying "maybe if I were single", and a bunch more saying "wanting kids is a dealbreaker". And in any case things seem to have worked out for him: "This profile was published in August 2022; I'm no longer single, but wanted to leave it up since it was an important document for me." (https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/ https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/) > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". We software people trade our game for our money. It's sad but it is what it is. I blame the widespread normalization of "nerds" being bullied by "jocks" in TV from the 1980s on. The cultural damage this has done is unreal. I don't think this is true at all. > Seriously - the most unrealistic thing about the movie "wargames" is the idea that a kid who looked like that doing a bunch of command line shit would have a girl who looked like that interested in him (and his computer!). Matthew Broderick ended up marrying Sarah Jessica Parker.
  - dragonwriter 3y ago
    > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". Its not, but buying into the belief that it is is.
  - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
    More than 90% of dating advice is overfitting. It’s high stakes and there is plenty of signal to glean, but once you know the basics of the situation the rest is up to chance. Which means if you’re being picky (and I think to should be if you can) success can take a while. In the meantime you could end up desperately pulling apart facts like a conspiracy theorist. The best advice, at least for people that aren’t super lucky, is to stop trying, do the obvious things (be healthy, happy, financially comfortable) and live a life that puts you in contact with women.

telmo 3y ago

Try to find out why, and please avoid Internet "red pill" stuff. I'm not telling you this as any sort of political statement nor am I trying to fight any culture wars here. This is just the advice of a middle-age guy with perfectly mediocre / average looks, and some life experience. From what I observe, 9 times out of 10 the problem lies in personality. I know plenty of guys with no money and no looks that have no trouble attracting the interest of the opposite sex. Why? Because they have a great personality, as in, it feels good to be around them. Furthermore, people who rely only on look and status to attract a partner and do not work on themselves are unlikely to have a happy relationship in the long term. I am not blaming people for having unappealing personalities. This is usually the product of things that are outside of their control, usually some sort of trauma. Life is not fair. A lot of people are traumatized and do not realize it. This can be overcome, but you must want to overcame it and you must be able to face harsh truths. Maybe therapy can help, maybe meditation, maybe even things that are considered "woo" but that allow you to face your demons. Whatever works and clicks with you is a valid answer. All roads lead to Rome if you are courageous enough. Check out this guy, I have the impression he is particularly suited for the HN demographics: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG Good luck man, you can do it!

bckr 3y ago
Awesome, I recommended the same channel.
grepLeigh 3y ago
I also don't want to dredge up culture wars stuff, but just wanted to say it's really nice to see men warning other men away from the redpill path. Thanks for encouraging therapy and self-healing.
Spooky23 3y ago
Good advice. In my observation, especially as you get out of your 20s, single guys are… kinda phone it in for various reasons. Even moderate effort makes a dude a rockstar.
silverquiet 3y ago
Do you think living with my parents due to disability could be an issue?

bckr 3y ago

You’ve got significant foundational work to do. I’d start with Healthy Gamer GG’s channel[] and also pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. [] https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp

anewhnaccount2 3y ago
You don't know that this person has lots of work to do on themselves. These things are partially a matter of compatibility, putting yourself out there (which is a thing you do rather than a thing you become), and yes, unfortunately, pure dumb luck.
- j45 3y ago
  Being out there a lot is the dumb luck of human propagation. Seems pretty effective.
- bckr 3y ago
  I do know, because “what if women aren’t interested in you” is a question you don’t ask after a certain degree of development. I don’t know how long it will take to do this work. With a foundation of personal development and the right attitude, I bet you can go from “what if women aren’t interested in me” to successfully dating in under 6 weeks. If you need to learn how to develop yourself, it could take 6 months or more before you’re able to internalize the needed lessons.
silverquiet 3y ago
Been through it. Never really could take any of this stuff all that seriously. Especially after the woman I ended up closest to passed away. I’m mostly wondering how the people who recommend marriage as a solution to a lot of ills (and I think it’s an issue worth exploring but I also think there’s a lot of correlation/causation mixups here) expect people to take action on that.
- bckr 3y ago
  My heart goes out to you with regard to the death of your loved one. Do not let death and grieving pull you permanently out of the realm of intimate relationships. Human connection is foundational to all kinds of success. Taking it seriously has served me well.

hotdogscout 3y ago

Newton died a virgin, averages are defined by average people, don't stress on their anecdote and don't put your value in what women think of you.

j45 3y ago
It's everyone's personal choice but if Newton had some descendants, I wonder how that might have turned out.
- hotdogscout 3y ago
  Mediocre probably. I don't think biology is the bottleneck of great ideas. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family
  - j45 3y ago
    I don't think it is either, but there can be inter-generational momentum

j45 3y ago

Everything is a function of the self-effort place into self-growth. Because everyone's special, and therefore no one is special, there is someone just like you who you will be very compatible with, both in the beginning and growing through the seasons of life together. It just begins with deciding how you want to look at possibility, or not. Our minds go how and where we focus.