7 ms·

Based on my observations, marriage is the most reliable indicator of graduate student success. At least the male ones. I don't pretend to know if marriage is t

Based on my observations, marriage is the most reliable indicator of graduate student success. At least the male ones. I don't pretend to know if marriage is the cause of success or if it is merely a correlated phenomena. But I've observed it and talking among my circle, so has a top engineering researcher at a top 10 university. This is a man who has graduated scores of students placing half of them at top universities.

silverquiet 3y ago
What if women aren’t interested in you?
- teaearlgraycold 3y ago
  Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in.
  - throwaway35777 3y ago
    Go into an industry that's not overly political and where you're useful enough not to be judged on arbitrary qualities like your (a)sexuality.
  - aleph_minus_one 3y ago
    > Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in. ... like making lots of money. :-D
    - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
      Just don’t pick someone that has that as one of their top 3 reasons to be with you. But money does help with almost everything.
    - Der_Einzige 3y ago
      [flagged]
      - bigbillheck 3y ago
        > The consensus? He has tons of "red flags" for basically being "billy the beta" who won't excite the women who would come into contact with him. Hardly anyone is surprised that he can't get dates. Quoting one of the top comments: "his persona reads to be like a human representation of mashed potatoes with no seasoning, bland. " There's a couple people in that thread who used the term "beta" but I wouldn't call it the consensus. There's some calling him "boring", but there's also a bunch of ladies saying "maybe if I were single", and a bunch more saying "wanting kids is a dealbreaker". And in any case things seem to have worked out for him: "This profile was published in August 2022; I'm no longer single, but wanted to leave it up since it was an important document for me." (https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/ https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/) > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". We software people trade our game for our money. It's sad but it is what it is. I blame the widespread normalization of "nerds" being bullied by "jocks" in TV from the 1980s on. The cultural damage this has done is unreal. I don't think this is true at all. > Seriously - the most unrealistic thing about the movie "wargames" is the idea that a kid who looked like that doing a bunch of command line shit would have a girl who looked like that interested in him (and his computer!). Matthew Broderick ended up marrying Sarah Jessica Parker.
      - dragonwriter 3y ago
        > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". Its not, but buying into the belief that it is is.
      - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
        More than 90% of dating advice is overfitting. It’s high stakes and there is plenty of signal to glean, but once you know the basics of the situation the rest is up to chance. Which means if you’re being picky (and I think to should be if you can) success can take a while. In the meantime you could end up desperately pulling apart facts like a conspiracy theorist. The best advice, at least for people that aren’t super lucky, is to stop trying, do the obvious things (be healthy, happy, financially comfortable) and live a life that puts you in contact with women.
- telmo 3y ago
  Try to find out why, and please avoid Internet "red pill" stuff. I'm not telling you this as any sort of political statement nor am I trying to fight any culture wars here. This is just the advice of a middle-age guy with perfectly mediocre / average looks, and some life experience. From what I observe, 9 times out of 10 the problem lies in personality. I know plenty of guys with no money and no looks that have no trouble attracting the interest of the opposite sex. Why? Because they have a great personality, as in, it feels good to be around them. Furthermore, people who rely only on look and status to attract a partner and do not work on themselves are unlikely to have a happy relationship in the long term. I am not blaming people for having unappealing personalities. This is usually the product of things that are outside of their control, usually some sort of trauma. Life is not fair. A lot of people are traumatized and do not realize it. This can be overcome, but you must want to overcame it and you must be able to face harsh truths. Maybe therapy can help, maybe meditation, maybe even things that are considered "woo" but that allow you to face your demons. Whatever works and clicks with you is a valid answer. All roads lead to Rome if you are courageous enough. Check out this guy, I have the impression he is particularly suited for the HN demographics: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG Good luck man, you can do it!
  - bckr 3y ago
    Awesome, I recommended the same channel.
  - grepLeigh 3y ago
    I also don't want to dredge up culture wars stuff, but just wanted to say it's really nice to see men warning other men away from the redpill path. Thanks for encouraging therapy and self-healing.
  - Spooky23 3y ago
    Good advice. In my observation, especially as you get out of your 20s, single guys are… kinda phone it in for various reasons. Even moderate effort makes a dude a rockstar.
  - silverquiet 3y ago
    Do you think living with my parents due to disability could be an issue?
- bckr 3y ago
  You’ve got significant foundational work to do. I’d start with Healthy Gamer GG’s channel[] and also pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. [] https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp
  - anewhnaccount2 3y ago
    You don't know that this person has lots of work to do on themselves. These things are partially a matter of compatibility, putting yourself out there (which is a thing you do rather than a thing you become), and yes, unfortunately, pure dumb luck.
    - j45 3y ago
      Being out there a lot is the dumb luck of human propagation. Seems pretty effective.
    - bckr 3y ago
      I do know, because “what if women aren’t interested in you” is a question you don’t ask after a certain degree of development. I don’t know how long it will take to do this work. With a foundation of personal development and the right attitude, I bet you can go from “what if women aren’t interested in me” to successfully dating in under 6 weeks. If you need to learn how to develop yourself, it could take 6 months or more before you’re able to internalize the needed lessons.
  - silverquiet 3y ago
    Been through it. Never really could take any of this stuff all that seriously. Especially after the woman I ended up closest to passed away. I’m mostly wondering how the people who recommend marriage as a solution to a lot of ills (and I think it’s an issue worth exploring but I also think there’s a lot of correlation/causation mixups here) expect people to take action on that.
    - bckr 3y ago
      My heart goes out to you with regard to the death of your loved one. Do not let death and grieving pull you permanently out of the realm of intimate relationships. Human connection is foundational to all kinds of success. Taking it seriously has served me well.
- hotdogscout 3y ago
  Newton died a virgin, averages are defined by average people, don't stress on their anecdote and don't put your value in what women think of you.
  - j45 3y ago
    It's everyone's personal choice but if Newton had some descendants, I wonder how that might have turned out.
    - hotdogscout 3y ago
      Mediocre probably. I don't think biology is the bottleneck of great ideas. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family
      - j45 3y ago
        I don't think it is either, but there can be inter-generational momentum
- j45 3y ago
  Everything is a function of the self-effort place into self-growth. Because everyone's special, and therefore no one is special, there is someone just like you who you will be very compatible with, both in the beginning and growing through the seasons of life together. It just begins with deciding how you want to look at possibility, or not. Our minds go how and where we focus.
j7ake 3y ago
My theory: PhD is inherently unstructured, and requires wading into the unknown without many markers to tell you where you are going. Marriage creates a structured life outside of work that gives PhDs an anchor to return to periodically. This leads to better long term and consistent progress. Stephen King describes his success in writing in part due to his successful marriage. There may be some similarities there.
- Solvency 3y ago
  Nonsense as a general rule. Love my family. love wife and kid. Have never been less productive or efficient in my life. As a stickler guy between 20 and 34? Relentless productivity, focus, and time.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - bsdpufferfish 3y ago
    People don't typically start a Phd at 34. You're at a different level of maturity now.
  - Der_Einzige 3y ago
    [flagged]
    - gorjusborg 3y ago
      What an arrogant and reductive thing to think, let alone post publicly. I have a hunch that you are very young, very single, or most probably both.
    - hilux 3y ago
      I came to Hacker News to get away from this kind of reddit nonsense.
- rightbyte 3y ago
  No way. Family puts alot of "make money now" and "be home for dinner" pressure on you. Hardly a good environment for doing research. Not even bringing kids into the equation.
Cloudef 3y ago
If that's true, the future doesn't look good for male. Honestly though, marriage and having children come with financial stability and good life balance.
matthewdgreen 3y ago
Marital status is also correlated with age. Students who enter the PhD having spent a few years working following their undergraduate degree are often a bit more motivated and experienced (though I've had successful students take both paths.)
- VeninVidiaVicii 3y ago
  Likewise people with bigger feet are better at math. Well actually that’s just because infants have tiny feet and are notoriously terrible at math.
  - wholinator2 3y ago
    Well that depends on our definition of bigger. If we're saying bigger is "larger than baby feet" then okay but i think a better definition is "larger than the mean/median". Would baby feet drive down the mean/median that much?
aleph_minus_one 3y ago
> Based on my observations, marriage is the most reliable indicator of graduate student success. At least the male ones. At least in math, I would rather say that marriage is a counterindication that a great PhD thesis come out at the end, for the simple reason that being married means that math is only your second love, while writing a great PhD thesis in math requires the topic of your PhD thesis to be your nearly only love for the duration of your PhD studies.
- wholinator2 3y ago
  Ya know, that makes sense and all. But I'd want to be careful about subtly implying that doing nothing but your research and forgoing personal relationships in favor of work is _better_ than having a life and a little worse thesis. Most of a career in research happens after the PhD anyway, is it possible those "This is my life" people do worse later on, when their potential contributions to fields would be maximizing? Having a life is an okay thing to want, if for no other reason than the people who are really crazy for it and want nothing but math research aren't going to listen to anyone about relationships anyway. If you find yourself seriously considering turning it down a little bit to find other avenues to personal fulfillment then you might not be one of those crazies and i think that's okay, maybe even better
- thsksbd 3y ago
  My sister is in a relationship with a top, young, number theorist. Ill have to let her know the damage she's doing :D
brandall10 3y ago
Generally it seems both are grad students, or at the very least, met in school and the relationship has an academic foundation. Imagine having a partner to wade through such an experience who can relate, is pushing you, helping you see your blind spots, quelling your doubts/fears, and in general cheering for your success. And then the clarity you get for doing the same for them. There's also the extra level of responsibility that marriage entails, that forces one to 'grow up', for want of a better expression.
- j45 3y ago
  Not just grow up, but one of the easiest cheat codes to prioritize and increase effectiveness.
polygamous_bat 3y ago
There are two factors to this. 1. If your partner is not in a PhD program themselves, then you can rely on them during what I call “crunch time”, and there are a few of those in every PhD when you’re doing 16 hour days 7 days a week just to get something out of the door. Single students don’t get that luxury and thus inevitably have to be miserable during that period. 2. Secondly, successfully navigating a relationship/marriage takes a lot of the same skills as successfully navigating a PhD. A good PhD at the end of the day is built on a lot of compromises: between your vision and your advisors’, the fields’, your collaborators, and if you’re interning, your industry partners. A relationship teaches you how to navigate that without burning bridges, which may not be true for a headstrong “I’m gonna change the world but I don’t know how” PhD students.
- Beldin 3y ago
  > A good PhD at the end of the day is built on a lot of compromises: ... Don't forget "your skill level". Recognising your own limitations as a researcher is rather important for a PhD student.
analog31 3y ago
My observation is that the married students had a real fire burning under them to get done and out. They had a real tangible motivation. Disclosure: Married to another PhD student. Also, somebody to drive you to the hospital when your experiment explodes. Fortunately, she wasn't seriously injured.
richrichie 3y ago
Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd programs. Takes the edge away, saves time and energy, etc. Not fashionable to talk about it in such terms. But it is a factor.
- Der_Einzige 3y ago
  God if only. Unfortunately, they call it the ol "ball and chain" for a reason. Most men would happily sleep around with many women as they could if they had a "pass" from their partner. I wouldn't even be surprised if more than half of all married men would describe their sex life in terms like "mediocre" or worse. Marriage is supposed to solve that issue, but I claim that among other things, falling marriage rates indicate that increasingly large numbers of (usually men) are prioritizing sleeping around over settling down.
  - richrichie 3y ago
    Most phd students are not the bar hopping pick up artists. And female students in campuses don’t exactly hunt phd students to sleep with either. Marriage works. I am not talking about over 10 or 20 years. But during this period, it solves the problem of sex.
    - Der_Einzige 3y ago
      Significant swaths of Ph.D students would abandon all of their scholarly endeavors if they could go bar hopping and be pick-up artists. "Female students not hunting for Ph.D students" is evidence that, especially for men, getting lots of education is straight up "unattractive". Why should I even want a Ph.d if all it signals to the other sex is that I'm not just a nerd, but a nerd with a poor ability to calculate ROI. At least a lot of the "jocks" ended up with a good ROI job in finance that they got from their frat brothers rich dad.
      - fwip 3y ago
        > Why should I even want a Ph.d if... I dunno dude, why do you do literally anything in life? Surely your life doesn't revolve around finding a wife.
hilux 3y ago
Checks out - Feynman was married.
fromMars 3y ago
Didn't work out for me. I was pursuing a PhD and got married and shortly after had a child. I could no longer comfortably subsist on the salary of a Research Assistant. So I left academia to make more money. I could imagine marriage helping if one doesn't have kids and the cost of living where the school is located isn't too high or if one's spouse has a successful career. The advantage of being married is that you don't have to spend as much energy dating and other social activities.

silverquiet 3y ago

What if women aren’t interested in you?

teaearlgraycold 3y ago
Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in.
- throwaway35777 3y ago
  Go into an industry that's not overly political and where you're useful enough not to be judged on arbitrary qualities like your (a)sexuality.
- aleph_minus_one 3y ago
  > Keep doing the things that make you into a man that women are interested in. ... like making lots of money. :-D
  - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
    Just don’t pick someone that has that as one of their top 3 reasons to be with you. But money does help with almost everything.
  - Der_Einzige 3y ago
    [flagged]
    - bigbillheck 3y ago
      > The consensus? He has tons of "red flags" for basically being "billy the beta" who won't excite the women who would come into contact with him. Hardly anyone is surprised that he can't get dates. Quoting one of the top comments: "his persona reads to be like a human representation of mashed potatoes with no seasoning, bland. " There's a couple people in that thread who used the term "beta" but I wouldn't call it the consensus. There's some calling him "boring", but there's also a bunch of ladies saying "maybe if I were single", and a bunch more saying "wanting kids is a dealbreaker". And in any case things seem to have worked out for him: "This profile was published in August 2022; I'm no longer single, but wanted to leave it up since it was an important document for me." (https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/ https://colah.github.io/personal/dating/) > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". We software people trade our game for our money. It's sad but it is what it is. I blame the widespread normalization of "nerds" being bullied by "jocks" in TV from the 1980s on. The cultural damage this has done is unreal. I don't think this is true at all. > Seriously - the most unrealistic thing about the movie "wargames" is the idea that a kid who looked like that doing a bunch of command line shit would have a girl who looked like that interested in him (and his computer!). Matthew Broderick ended up marrying Sarah Jessica Parker.
    - dragonwriter 3y ago
      > The reality is that being a SWE or related is a massive net negative to your "SMV". Its not, but buying into the belief that it is is.
    - teaearlgraycold 3y ago
      More than 90% of dating advice is overfitting. It’s high stakes and there is plenty of signal to glean, but once you know the basics of the situation the rest is up to chance. Which means if you’re being picky (and I think to should be if you can) success can take a while. In the meantime you could end up desperately pulling apart facts like a conspiracy theorist. The best advice, at least for people that aren’t super lucky, is to stop trying, do the obvious things (be healthy, happy, financially comfortable) and live a life that puts you in contact with women.
telmo 3y ago
Try to find out why, and please avoid Internet "red pill" stuff. I'm not telling you this as any sort of political statement nor am I trying to fight any culture wars here. This is just the advice of a middle-age guy with perfectly mediocre / average looks, and some life experience. From what I observe, 9 times out of 10 the problem lies in personality. I know plenty of guys with no money and no looks that have no trouble attracting the interest of the opposite sex. Why? Because they have a great personality, as in, it feels good to be around them. Furthermore, people who rely only on look and status to attract a partner and do not work on themselves are unlikely to have a happy relationship in the long term. I am not blaming people for having unappealing personalities. This is usually the product of things that are outside of their control, usually some sort of trauma. Life is not fair. A lot of people are traumatized and do not realize it. This can be overcome, but you must want to overcame it and you must be able to face harsh truths. Maybe therapy can help, maybe meditation, maybe even things that are considered "woo" but that allow you to face your demons. Whatever works and clicks with you is a valid answer. All roads lead to Rome if you are courageous enough. Check out this guy, I have the impression he is particularly suited for the HN demographics: https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG https://www.youtube.com/@HealthyGamerGG Good luck man, you can do it!
- bckr 3y ago
  Awesome, I recommended the same channel.
- grepLeigh 3y ago
  I also don't want to dredge up culture wars stuff, but just wanted to say it's really nice to see men warning other men away from the redpill path. Thanks for encouraging therapy and self-healing.
- Spooky23 3y ago
  Good advice. In my observation, especially as you get out of your 20s, single guys are… kinda phone it in for various reasons. Even moderate effort makes a dude a rockstar.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  Do you think living with my parents due to disability could be an issue?
bckr 3y ago
You’ve got significant foundational work to do. I’d start with Healthy Gamer GG’s channel[] and also pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. [] https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp https://youtube.com/shorts/693UD3V1KSU?si=6IiRwP0Q1qRqErnp
- anewhnaccount2 3y ago
  You don't know that this person has lots of work to do on themselves. These things are partially a matter of compatibility, putting yourself out there (which is a thing you do rather than a thing you become), and yes, unfortunately, pure dumb luck.
  - j45 3y ago
    Being out there a lot is the dumb luck of human propagation. Seems pretty effective.
  - bckr 3y ago
    I do know, because “what if women aren’t interested in you” is a question you don’t ask after a certain degree of development. I don’t know how long it will take to do this work. With a foundation of personal development and the right attitude, I bet you can go from “what if women aren’t interested in me” to successfully dating in under 6 weeks. If you need to learn how to develop yourself, it could take 6 months or more before you’re able to internalize the needed lessons.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  Been through it. Never really could take any of this stuff all that seriously. Especially after the woman I ended up closest to passed away. I’m mostly wondering how the people who recommend marriage as a solution to a lot of ills (and I think it’s an issue worth exploring but I also think there’s a lot of correlation/causation mixups here) expect people to take action on that.
  - bckr 3y ago
    My heart goes out to you with regard to the death of your loved one. Do not let death and grieving pull you permanently out of the realm of intimate relationships. Human connection is foundational to all kinds of success. Taking it seriously has served me well.
hotdogscout 3y ago
Newton died a virgin, averages are defined by average people, don't stress on their anecdote and don't put your value in what women think of you.
- j45 3y ago
  It's everyone's personal choice but if Newton had some descendants, I wonder how that might have turned out.
  - hotdogscout 3y ago
    Mediocre probably. I don't think biology is the bottleneck of great ideas. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein_family
    - j45 3y ago
      I don't think it is either, but there can be inter-generational momentum
j45 3y ago
Everything is a function of the self-effort place into self-growth. Because everyone's special, and therefore no one is special, there is someone just like you who you will be very compatible with, both in the beginning and growing through the seasons of life together. It just begins with deciding how you want to look at possibility, or not. Our minds go how and where we focus.

j7ake 3y ago

My theory: PhD is inherently unstructured, and requires wading into the unknown without many markers to tell you where you are going. Marriage creates a structured life outside of work that gives PhDs an anchor to return to periodically. This leads to better long term and consistent progress. Stephen King describes his success in writing in part due to his successful marriage. There may be some similarities there.

Solvency 3y ago
Nonsense as a general rule. Love my family. love wife and kid. Have never been less productive or efficient in my life. As a stickler guy between 20 and 34? Relentless productivity, focus, and time.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- bsdpufferfish 3y ago
  People don't typically start a Phd at 34. You're at a different level of maturity now.
- Der_Einzige 3y ago
  [flagged]
  - gorjusborg 3y ago
    What an arrogant and reductive thing to think, let alone post publicly. I have a hunch that you are very young, very single, or most probably both.
  - hilux 3y ago
    I came to Hacker News to get away from this kind of reddit nonsense.
rightbyte 3y ago
No way. Family puts alot of "make money now" and "be home for dinner" pressure on you. Hardly a good environment for doing research. Not even bringing kids into the equation.

Cloudef 3y ago

If that's true, the future doesn't look good for male. Honestly though, marriage and having children come with financial stability and good life balance.

matthewdgreen 3y ago

Marital status is also correlated with age. Students who enter the PhD having spent a few years working following their undergraduate degree are often a bit more motivated and experienced (though I've had successful students take both paths.)

VeninVidiaVicii 3y ago
Likewise people with bigger feet are better at math. Well actually that’s just because infants have tiny feet and are notoriously terrible at math.
- wholinator2 3y ago
  Well that depends on our definition of bigger. If we're saying bigger is "larger than baby feet" then okay but i think a better definition is "larger than the mean/median". Would baby feet drive down the mean/median that much?

aleph_minus_one 3y ago

> Based on my observations, marriage is the most reliable indicator of graduate student success. At least the male ones. At least in math, I would rather say that marriage is a counterindication that a great PhD thesis come out at the end, for the simple reason that being married means that math is only your second love, while writing a great PhD thesis in math requires the topic of your PhD thesis to be your nearly only love for the duration of your PhD studies.

wholinator2 3y ago
Ya know, that makes sense and all. But I'd want to be careful about subtly implying that doing nothing but your research and forgoing personal relationships in favor of work is _better_ than having a life and a little worse thesis. Most of a career in research happens after the PhD anyway, is it possible those "This is my life" people do worse later on, when their potential contributions to fields would be maximizing? Having a life is an okay thing to want, if for no other reason than the people who are really crazy for it and want nothing but math research aren't going to listen to anyone about relationships anyway. If you find yourself seriously considering turning it down a little bit to find other avenues to personal fulfillment then you might not be one of those crazies and i think that's okay, maybe even better
thsksbd 3y ago
My sister is in a relationship with a top, young, number theorist. Ill have to let her know the damage she's doing :D

brandall10 3y ago

Generally it seems both are grad students, or at the very least, met in school and the relationship has an academic foundation. Imagine having a partner to wade through such an experience who can relate, is pushing you, helping you see your blind spots, quelling your doubts/fears, and in general cheering for your success. And then the clarity you get for doing the same for them. There's also the extra level of responsibility that marriage entails, that forces one to 'grow up', for want of a better expression.

j45 3y ago
Not just grow up, but one of the easiest cheat codes to prioritize and increase effectiveness.

polygamous_bat 3y ago

There are two factors to this. 1. If your partner is not in a PhD program themselves, then you can rely on them during what I call “crunch time”, and there are a few of those in every PhD when you’re doing 16 hour days 7 days a week just to get something out of the door. Single students don’t get that luxury and thus inevitably have to be miserable during that period. 2. Secondly, successfully navigating a relationship/marriage takes a lot of the same skills as successfully navigating a PhD. A good PhD at the end of the day is built on a lot of compromises: between your vision and your advisors’, the fields’, your collaborators, and if you’re interning, your industry partners. A relationship teaches you how to navigate that without burning bridges, which may not be true for a headstrong “I’m gonna change the world but I don’t know how” PhD students.

Beldin 3y ago
> A good PhD at the end of the day is built on a lot of compromises: ... Don't forget "your skill level". Recognising your own limitations as a researcher is rather important for a PhD student.

analog31 3y ago

My observation is that the married students had a real fire burning under them to get done and out. They had a real tangible motivation. Disclosure: Married to another PhD student. Also, somebody to drive you to the hospital when your experiment explodes. Fortunately, she wasn't seriously injured.

richrichie 3y ago

Marriage solves the problem of sex. Especially for male phd students. This is a huge factor at that age, and for the species types that are found in phd programs. Takes the edge away, saves time and energy, etc. Not fashionable to talk about it in such terms. But it is a factor.

Der_Einzige 3y ago
God if only. Unfortunately, they call it the ol "ball and chain" for a reason. Most men would happily sleep around with many women as they could if they had a "pass" from their partner. I wouldn't even be surprised if more than half of all married men would describe their sex life in terms like "mediocre" or worse. Marriage is supposed to solve that issue, but I claim that among other things, falling marriage rates indicate that increasingly large numbers of (usually men) are prioritizing sleeping around over settling down.
- richrichie 3y ago
  Most phd students are not the bar hopping pick up artists. And female students in campuses don’t exactly hunt phd students to sleep with either. Marriage works. I am not talking about over 10 or 20 years. But during this period, it solves the problem of sex.
  - Der_Einzige 3y ago
    Significant swaths of Ph.D students would abandon all of their scholarly endeavors if they could go bar hopping and be pick-up artists. "Female students not hunting for Ph.D students" is evidence that, especially for men, getting lots of education is straight up "unattractive". Why should I even want a Ph.d if all it signals to the other sex is that I'm not just a nerd, but a nerd with a poor ability to calculate ROI. At least a lot of the "jocks" ended up with a good ROI job in finance that they got from their frat brothers rich dad.
    - fwip 3y ago
      > Why should I even want a Ph.d if... I dunno dude, why do you do literally anything in life? Surely your life doesn't revolve around finding a wife.

hilux 3y ago

Checks out - Feynman was married.

fromMars 3y ago

Didn't work out for me. I was pursuing a PhD and got married and shortly after had a child. I could no longer comfortably subsist on the salary of a Research Assistant. So I left academia to make more money. I could imagine marriage helping if one doesn't have kids and the cost of living where the school is located isn't too high or if one's spouse has a successful career. The advantage of being married is that you don't have to spend as much energy dating and other social activities.