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>”It's difficult to meet the ideal boyfriend in real life," Because ideal boyfriends don’t actually exist. Just like how ideal girlfriends also don’t exist. I

>”It's difficult to meet the ideal boyfriend in real life," Because ideal boyfriends don’t actually exist. Just like how ideal girlfriends also don’t exist. I think some young people need lessons on expectations in relationships.

boppo1 3y ago
>young people need lessons on expectations in relationships. Yes, but we also need better lessons on who/what to be. What are our responsibilities to our partner? As a 30y.o. male, I largely got a message about being myself and that women wanted sensitive men in touch with emotions. After a decade and a half of trial-and-error, and observing those around me, women absolutely respond to physical fitness, social status, career success and stoicism. Obviously everyone has different desires, but those four are really strong themes that you ignore only if you plan to limit your choices to a minority of the female population. I wish someone had sat me down and really got it across like "Your role as a man is to be strong and dependable. Find a different outlet for your emotions than verbally expressing them. Pursue your interests to be a whole person, but remember that you will be valued as a man based on your ability to protect and provide. Ignore any advice or claims contrary to this, even if it comes directly from women."
- thisislife2 3y ago
  True. It's easy enough to be distracted by the confusing message that TVs and Movies provide us about what women want in a man - the thing to remember is that most of these is targeted at fantasies of teens and young adults whose ideas on relationships are often immature. Date a mature adult woman, and you'll find that they mostly evaluate you for a serious, long-term relationship based on your health (physical and psychological), earnings and social status as @boppo1 points out.
- squigz 3y ago
  That seems very unhealthy advice to give to young men.
- drekk 3y ago
  I'd rather leave those rigid gender roles in the dump where they belong. My mom was the primary breadwinner in my house, and they're decades into a successful marriage with healthy & happy children. Fitness, wealth, status, and power will always help you accomplish whatever goal you want. If what you're looking for is a deep, meaningful connection with another human, then I would advise you to interrogate the means you use and not just the end you're after. It's good to work on your personal development. Not so good to put yourself in a box. If, god forbid, one day you get into a freak accident and can no longer work—you're going to get dropped like a hot potato if you've settled for someone who only sees you as a protector and provider. If someone needs a parent they should see a therapist, not search out a glucose guardian.
  - boppo1 3y ago
    >rigid gender roles I don't mean to say they're absolute. However I think the point I'm trying to get at is that they're a fact of life one has to deal with, even if they're not ideal. I have observed that when I was most doggedly and earnestly pursuing my passion, women, even those who outwardly expressed their disdain for traditional gender roles, dismissed me romantically and sexually. Sometimes they even made jokes at my expense that belittled my stature as a man. But when I put my passion on the back burner, had a job where I had some prestige & status as 'in charge of others', and was working out regularly enough for results visible through my clothing, those very same women treated me better and many expressed attraction. More than a couple made romantic/sexual advances. I liked being fit, but I hated that job. I'm not saying we should teach young men to like this or that this is ideal. But it is the way things are, even in circles that are very socially progressive. Again, there are exceptions, but they are few enough to prove the rule. >If...one day you get into a freak accident...you're going to get dropped like a hot potato Totally. But that's about more than basic attraction, it's higher values like loyalty that come into play after a relationship starts. And if you try to date by filtering for that quality up front, you're going to have a very, very difficult time. Like I said, we should encourage becoming a whole person, beyond gender roles. But young people should know that someone who values your self-actualization is a rare ideal, not a practical commonality. To only seek relationships with that kind of person is to be alone most, if not all, of your life. I am speaking from experience.

boppo1 3y ago

>young people need lessons on expectations in relationships. Yes, but we also need better lessons on who/what to be. What are our responsibilities to our partner? As a 30y.o. male, I largely got a message about being myself and that women wanted sensitive men in touch with emotions. After a decade and a half of trial-and-error, and observing those around me, women absolutely respond to physical fitness, social status, career success and stoicism. Obviously everyone has different desires, but those four are really strong themes that you ignore only if you plan to limit your choices to a minority of the female population. I wish someone had sat me down and really got it across like "Your role as a man is to be strong and dependable. Find a different outlet for your emotions than verbally expressing them. Pursue your interests to be a whole person, but remember that you will be valued as a man based on your ability to protect and provide. Ignore any advice or claims contrary to this, even if it comes directly from women."

thisislife2 3y ago
True. It's easy enough to be distracted by the confusing message that TVs and Movies provide us about what women want in a man - the thing to remember is that most of these is targeted at fantasies of teens and young adults whose ideas on relationships are often immature. Date a mature adult woman, and you'll find that they mostly evaluate you for a serious, long-term relationship based on your health (physical and psychological), earnings and social status as @boppo1 points out.
squigz 3y ago
That seems very unhealthy advice to give to young men.
drekk 3y ago
I'd rather leave those rigid gender roles in the dump where they belong. My mom was the primary breadwinner in my house, and they're decades into a successful marriage with healthy & happy children. Fitness, wealth, status, and power will always help you accomplish whatever goal you want. If what you're looking for is a deep, meaningful connection with another human, then I would advise you to interrogate the means you use and not just the end you're after. It's good to work on your personal development. Not so good to put yourself in a box. If, god forbid, one day you get into a freak accident and can no longer work—you're going to get dropped like a hot potato if you've settled for someone who only sees you as a protector and provider. If someone needs a parent they should see a therapist, not search out a glucose guardian.
- boppo1 3y ago
  >rigid gender roles I don't mean to say they're absolute. However I think the point I'm trying to get at is that they're a fact of life one has to deal with, even if they're not ideal. I have observed that when I was most doggedly and earnestly pursuing my passion, women, even those who outwardly expressed their disdain for traditional gender roles, dismissed me romantically and sexually. Sometimes they even made jokes at my expense that belittled my stature as a man. But when I put my passion on the back burner, had a job where I had some prestige & status as 'in charge of others', and was working out regularly enough for results visible through my clothing, those very same women treated me better and many expressed attraction. More than a couple made romantic/sexual advances. I liked being fit, but I hated that job. I'm not saying we should teach young men to like this or that this is ideal. But it is the way things are, even in circles that are very socially progressive. Again, there are exceptions, but they are few enough to prove the rule. >If...one day you get into a freak accident...you're going to get dropped like a hot potato Totally. But that's about more than basic attraction, it's higher values like loyalty that come into play after a relationship starts. And if you try to date by filtering for that quality up front, you're going to have a very, very difficult time. Like I said, we should encourage becoming a whole person, beyond gender roles. But young people should know that someone who values your self-actualization is a rare ideal, not a practical commonality. To only seek relationships with that kind of person is to be alone most, if not all, of your life. I am speaking from experience.