3 ms·

I live in the US, have a decent-paying job, but I don't have any kids, and I got a vasectomy so it seems unlikely that I will have any kids. If something happe

I live in the US, have a decent-paying job, but I don't have any kids, and I got a vasectomy so it seems unlikely that I will have any kids. If something happens by accident (e.g. the vas deferens heals), my wife and I would almost certainly keep it and we'd be parents, but I don't think that's terribly likely. I actually do really like kids, I like my nieces and nephew, but the problem is that the value proposition for having kids is not terribly high. They're expensive, and time consuming, and honestly kind of a liability. It's especially hard for women, because pregnancy takes you out of the workforce for a long time, and women are still (however unfairly) typically the "primary caretaker" for the child. Since your 20's are generally the optimal time to grow your career, it's an extremely high opportunity cost to have a child. I've never wanted to have my own kids. My wife and I have agreed to take care of our nieces and nephew if something happens to their parents, but I don't think I'd be a terribly good parent, and I would prefer to avoid screwing up another human.

withinboredom 3y ago
If you look at children as some utility-investment ... yeah, you probably shouldn't have kids. But, you are incorrect even then. Eventually, you will get old. Your siblings and parents will be long gone. Then your spouse. You'll have nobody to pass your knowledge on to, at least, nobody to pass it on to that actually cares in a way only a child can about a parent. No grandchildren to spend time with that you simply didn't have the time to as a parent. I don't know man. I had some cancer, and recently got a tumor in my fucking face. I can tell you right now, when faced with death: careers and money means shit.
- CapstanRoller 3y ago
  What does child-bearing have to do with any of this? There are plenty of humans in the world, and plenty of children (including orphans). If you really care that much about passing on knowledge, write a book or get into teaching. You'll reach a much wider audience that way, and if your knowledge is indeed valuable then your impact will exceed many human lifespans. Literature can survive for a thousand years at least. Creating entire new humans simply to use them as personal data storage devices seems cruel and bizarre. Maybe consider a NAS instead?
- tombert 3y ago
  It's not just utility on my end; I think it would be selfish. In the last twelve years I have had sixteen jobs. That number being so high wasn't really by choice; I've been fired and laid off a bunch of times. We can wax philosophical to the reasons why, but one thing that has become clear to me is that I'm not a terribly stable person. I am often pretty mean, short-sighted, and impulsive. When you don't have kids, those attributes are kind of considered "eccentric", but if you do that to a kid you're (correctly) considered "abusive". It's one thing to be the primary breadwinner and have your income cut off twice a year when I only live with adults, but it's another when there's a tiny human who is 100% your responsibility depending on it. If I had a kid, it would be a purely greedy move on my end. They would be a prop, like a puppy, there to make me feel better more than any kind of altruism. It's one thing to use a pet as a means of self-comfort, it's another to use another person. Occasionally I will get the urge to "pass my knowledge on", which is why I will occasionally do adjunct lecturing at a nearby university. The students don't just accept everything I say implicitly like a child would, but that's alright and I don't think I would want someone to automatically believe all the shit I say. I think even when I'm old and alone, I'll find ways to keep myself entertained. To be clear, I'm not one of those toxic r/childfree assholes. I don't have a problem with people having kids. I was very happy when my sister told us she was pregnant. I like kids, I try pretty hard to be a decent uncle to my nieces and nephew. I just don't want to be responsible for their development.
throwaway6734 3y ago
> but the problem is that the value proposition for having kids is not terribly high. They're expensive, and time consuming Yes but you get to pass the gift of life off to another person which I think is the greatest thing one person can do for another. It's a sacrifice so someone else will get to experience their first spring, their first love, the great works of art of humans past, etc. >I don't think I'd be a terribly good parent, and I would prefer to avoid screwing up another human. You sound like you'd be a great father. From a stranger who had their first 2 years ago with a second on the way, please reconsider your vasectomy. I can't stress the absolute joy and love it has brought my wife and I.

withinboredom 3y ago

If you look at children as some utility-investment ... yeah, you probably shouldn't have kids. But, you are incorrect even then. Eventually, you will get old. Your siblings and parents will be long gone. Then your spouse. You'll have nobody to pass your knowledge on to, at least, nobody to pass it on to that actually cares in a way only a child can about a parent. No grandchildren to spend time with that you simply didn't have the time to as a parent. I don't know man. I had some cancer, and recently got a tumor in my fucking face. I can tell you right now, when faced with death: careers and money means shit.

CapstanRoller 3y ago
What does child-bearing have to do with any of this? There are plenty of humans in the world, and plenty of children (including orphans). If you really care that much about passing on knowledge, write a book or get into teaching. You'll reach a much wider audience that way, and if your knowledge is indeed valuable then your impact will exceed many human lifespans. Literature can survive for a thousand years at least. Creating entire new humans simply to use them as personal data storage devices seems cruel and bizarre. Maybe consider a NAS instead?
tombert 3y ago
It's not just utility on my end; I think it would be selfish. In the last twelve years I have had sixteen jobs. That number being so high wasn't really by choice; I've been fired and laid off a bunch of times. We can wax philosophical to the reasons why, but one thing that has become clear to me is that I'm not a terribly stable person. I am often pretty mean, short-sighted, and impulsive. When you don't have kids, those attributes are kind of considered "eccentric", but if you do that to a kid you're (correctly) considered "abusive". It's one thing to be the primary breadwinner and have your income cut off twice a year when I only live with adults, but it's another when there's a tiny human who is 100% your responsibility depending on it. If I had a kid, it would be a purely greedy move on my end. They would be a prop, like a puppy, there to make me feel better more than any kind of altruism. It's one thing to use a pet as a means of self-comfort, it's another to use another person. Occasionally I will get the urge to "pass my knowledge on", which is why I will occasionally do adjunct lecturing at a nearby university. The students don't just accept everything I say implicitly like a child would, but that's alright and I don't think I would want someone to automatically believe all the shit I say. I think even when I'm old and alone, I'll find ways to keep myself entertained. To be clear, I'm not one of those toxic r/childfree assholes. I don't have a problem with people having kids. I was very happy when my sister told us she was pregnant. I like kids, I try pretty hard to be a decent uncle to my nieces and nephew. I just don't want to be responsible for their development.

throwaway6734 3y ago

> but the problem is that the value proposition for having kids is not terribly high. They're expensive, and time consuming Yes but you get to pass the gift of life off to another person which I think is the greatest thing one person can do for another. It's a sacrifice so someone else will get to experience their first spring, their first love, the great works of art of humans past, etc. >I don't think I'd be a terribly good parent, and I would prefer to avoid screwing up another human. You sound like you'd be a great father. From a stranger who had their first 2 years ago with a second on the way, please reconsider your vasectomy. I can't stress the absolute joy and love it has brought my wife and I.