3 ms·

> The problem is that it's nearly impossible to convey to a childless person how meaningful parenthood will be to their life I 100% believe you, but at the sam

> The problem is that it's nearly impossible to convey to a childless person how meaningful parenthood will be to their life I 100% believe you, but at the same time there are a lot of us out there that don't feel like we're missing anything of that sort from our lives. On the contrary, if I was to have children, I would have to put a whole lot of faith in my biological wiring for parental love and fulfilment overcoming the stresses, worries, and relationship strains any parent will tell you is the norm.

arkey 3y ago
My own experience is that most people focus on the stresses, worries and overall negative(?) aspects. Maybe I've had it easy and I'm incredibly fortunate, which I often feel like, but after becoming a father I would tell you that all the stresses, worries and overall negative aspects are nothing, NOTHING, compared to the positives. As I said in other comments, I'd never push anyone on such a personal topic, but I'll never forget how, right after my first was born, I simply wished parenthood on everyone.
xotesos 3y ago
IMO the whole idea is basically bullshit when applied to everyone as a blanket statement. I know I would not be a good parent. I know I would resent the kid. It is bizarre to me too when someone who is married says this. Marriage isn't happening either for me so I 100% would be paying child support to a woman I absolutely resent too. On the contrary, I think people who have children can not imagine the freedom that you have with never having children after 40. Children cost a fortune in currency and opportunity cost. I don't have to help with home work, pay for someone's college, pretend to have fun at some boring kids baseball game. Most of all though I have to live my dreams myself because there is no kid to live them through instead. There is simply no way I would have lived the life I have if I had children. The valuation between the two situations isn't even close in my mind. I suspect there is a huge amount of coping and denial on the part of parents because once the kid is on its way, what else are you going to do?

arkey 3y ago

My own experience is that most people focus on the stresses, worries and overall negative(?) aspects. Maybe I've had it easy and I'm incredibly fortunate, which I often feel like, but after becoming a father I would tell you that all the stresses, worries and overall negative aspects are nothing, NOTHING, compared to the positives. As I said in other comments, I'd never push anyone on such a personal topic, but I'll never forget how, right after my first was born, I simply wished parenthood on everyone.

xotesos 3y ago

IMO the whole idea is basically bullshit when applied to everyone as a blanket statement. I know I would not be a good parent. I know I would resent the kid. It is bizarre to me too when someone who is married says this. Marriage isn't happening either for me so I 100% would be paying child support to a woman I absolutely resent too. On the contrary, I think people who have children can not imagine the freedom that you have with never having children after 40. Children cost a fortune in currency and opportunity cost. I don't have to help with home work, pay for someone's college, pretend to have fun at some boring kids baseball game. Most of all though I have to live my dreams myself because there is no kid to live them through instead. There is simply no way I would have lived the life I have if I had children. The valuation between the two situations isn't even close in my mind. I suspect there is a huge amount of coping and denial on the part of parents because once the kid is on its way, what else are you going to do?