4 ms·

It seems to me that the article is more focused on trying to help people than trying to control them to achieve your own goals. I think there's nothing wrong wi

It seems to me that the article is more focused on trying to help people than trying to control them to achieve your own goals. I think there's nothing wrong with seeing your partner struggling with something, talking to them about it and coming up with ideas to help them. The tone and attitude is important, but the article even touches on that as well. I often have the same reaction as you to people trying to modulate me in any way. But I am learning to view their intentions more positively and I often find that it ultimately helps me to let go of my stubbornness and actually self-reflect on the things about me that they're pointing out - even though it's always difficult to do.

brudgers 3y ago
The article assumes that neatness is a virtue. An end in itself. It isn't any more a virtue than clutter. Sure there are OCD horders at the extreme. And OCD cleaners at the other. That's not to say that understanding why you behave the way you behave is not a good thing. It is indeed. Self awareness is good for everyone...including neatfreaks. And it only comes with time as we keep learning and growing.
lynx23 3y ago
While there are of course always situations in life where one can benefit from external insight into your own behaviour, I feel like the second paragraph you wrote reads a lot like stockholm syndrome to me... Yes, there are those people you don't want to disappoint. But at least in my experience, that doesn't make their intervention attempts less obnoxious. Control freaks are all around, but hidden behind social norms.
CipherThrowaway 3y ago
> I think there's nothing wrong with seeing your partner struggling with something, talking to them about it and coming up with ideas to help them. There is something wrong here: and that's assuming your partner is the one struggling. In clinical cases of hoarding and ADHD, that can definitely be the case - but all hints, nags and nudges are useless in these clinical cases anyway. Fact is that in your day-to-day neat freak vs messy partner situation, the person struggling with mess is actually the neat partner and not the messy one. Most messy people I know, and have worked with, are quite content with mess.

brudgers 3y ago

The article assumes that neatness is a virtue. An end in itself. It isn't any more a virtue than clutter. Sure there are OCD horders at the extreme. And OCD cleaners at the other. That's not to say that understanding why you behave the way you behave is not a good thing. It is indeed. Self awareness is good for everyone...including neatfreaks. And it only comes with time as we keep learning and growing.

lynx23 3y ago

While there are of course always situations in life where one can benefit from external insight into your own behaviour, I feel like the second paragraph you wrote reads a lot like stockholm syndrome to me... Yes, there are those people you don't want to disappoint. But at least in my experience, that doesn't make their intervention attempts less obnoxious. Control freaks are all around, but hidden behind social norms.

CipherThrowaway 3y ago

> I think there's nothing wrong with seeing your partner struggling with something, talking to them about it and coming up with ideas to help them. There is something wrong here: and that's assuming your partner is the one struggling. In clinical cases of hoarding and ADHD, that can definitely be the case - but all hints, nags and nudges are useless in these clinical cases anyway. Fact is that in your day-to-day neat freak vs messy partner situation, the person struggling with mess is actually the neat partner and not the messy one. Most messy people I know, and have worked with, are quite content with mess.