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I know I've felt that feeling. I'm not a teenager, but I can imagine the FOMO and loss of social clout a kid would feel not being connected in ways that their p

I know I've felt that feeling. I'm not a teenager, but I can imagine the FOMO and loss of social clout a kid would feel not being connected in ways that their peers are. My solution was to not care if I was missing out. Counterintuitively, it's not until you do that that you're free to find the life you want for yourself. Good luck explaining that to a 16 year old though, they're not there yet, they're not building the life they want, they're finding their tribe, and you have to be connected to do that.

Nextgrid 3y ago
Keep in mind that social media is pretty much the only outlet you have for social signalling as a teenager. Disconnecting from it at that age is social suicide. Disconnecting as an adult is much easier/worthwhile because you now have other means of signalling.
- willcipriano 3y ago
  They don't hang out in real life like we used to. TicTok or whatever is the house in the neighborhood all the kids hung out at.
  - weakfish 3y ago
    Eh, as a “youth” (23) who wasn’t so long ago in high school, people still hang out plenty. They just document it more (for better or for worse. I suspect worse.)
    - willcipriano 3y ago
      I'm 35 and I'm telling you that you didn't/don't do it as much as we did. From about 13 on we were trusted to just leave the house and go wherever we wanted on our bikes, little to no questions asked. City, rural, suburbs this was a pretty universal experience. One kid in the group might of had a early cell phone and that gave our parents more than enough peace of mind, but no location tracking and it would lose service enough that you didn't have to answer if you didn't want to. You could meet dates at the mall without mom hassling you about them, you'd often work a part time job rather than playing soccer or similar so you'd have your own money. We were free. You guys grew up in a prison comparatively but since you haven't seen anything else it seems normal. It's also why you guys are less independent, you never had a chance to be. (E.T. or another period film might be good to watch to understand the independence and agency kids had in this time)
      - weakfish 3y ago
        Oh I don’t disagree, I just meant that it’s a bit overkill to say they/we don’t hang out in person at all. I do have fond memories of running Halo 2 with my stepsister when I was 8-9, and those sort of nights seemed to get less common as we got smart phones. I am in a bit of a weird situation because I’m more independent than most (somewhat absent / workaholic family) but I know that’s the exception.
        willcipriano 3y ago
        Take a look at the wealthier kids with stay at home moms. Zero privacy. She knows where you are and what you are doing at all times. Tracker in the phone, surveillance cameras at school and more often in the home, the school issued laptop logging every keystroke. We had our own cash money. Parents wouldn't know specifics or "help you with budgeting". You earned it mowing lawns it was yours to spend. Getting a allowance on a credit card (in case he buys drugs!) isn't the same. One last thing. Every night around 9 o'clock, the TV would ask parents all around the country "It's 9PM, do you know where your children are?" beacuse sometimes they would legitimately forget and not notice they haven't come home yet.
      - Der_Einzige 3y ago
        This whole thread is a bunch of boomers or gen X folks who are upset at the techno freedom that the youth have. These same boomers and Gen X are then advocating for taking away freedom of internet association. Then you come here and write out a post explaining how the kids of today are living in a relative prison and back in the day you got all this freedom to go on dates at the mall that your parents wouldn’t approve of. Your parents would have banned you from going to the mall if they knew what you were doing - and you’re also an out of touch boomer - and that’s not a comment about your age, but about your mentality.
        weakfish 3y ago
        I agree that calling it prison is over the top, but I also think your response is a bit rude and dismissive of very valid statements by the reply
  - _mlbt 3y ago
    That’s just incredibly dystopian and sad. I hope this is the start of a greater trend pushing back against social media. We’ve lost so much quality social interaction to apps. The mental health aspects of just stepping outside and making real personal human connections are huge.
_mlbt 3y ago
Your comment reminded me of one of the best books I’ve ever read… Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. He talks about what he calls the “backwards law” which is about these counterintuitive truths like the one that you discovered.
GoblinSlayer 3y ago
When I was a child I used the argument "because others do it" and mom told me to not look at others and think for myself. I understood the idea just fine.

Nextgrid 3y ago

Keep in mind that social media is pretty much the only outlet you have for social signalling as a teenager. Disconnecting from it at that age is social suicide. Disconnecting as an adult is much easier/worthwhile because you now have other means of signalling.

willcipriano 3y ago
They don't hang out in real life like we used to. TicTok or whatever is the house in the neighborhood all the kids hung out at.
- weakfish 3y ago
  Eh, as a “youth” (23) who wasn’t so long ago in high school, people still hang out plenty. They just document it more (for better or for worse. I suspect worse.)
  - willcipriano 3y ago
    I'm 35 and I'm telling you that you didn't/don't do it as much as we did. From about 13 on we were trusted to just leave the house and go wherever we wanted on our bikes, little to no questions asked. City, rural, suburbs this was a pretty universal experience. One kid in the group might of had a early cell phone and that gave our parents more than enough peace of mind, but no location tracking and it would lose service enough that you didn't have to answer if you didn't want to. You could meet dates at the mall without mom hassling you about them, you'd often work a part time job rather than playing soccer or similar so you'd have your own money. We were free. You guys grew up in a prison comparatively but since you haven't seen anything else it seems normal. It's also why you guys are less independent, you never had a chance to be. (E.T. or another period film might be good to watch to understand the independence and agency kids had in this time)
    - weakfish 3y ago
      Oh I don’t disagree, I just meant that it’s a bit overkill to say they/we don’t hang out in person at all. I do have fond memories of running Halo 2 with my stepsister when I was 8-9, and those sort of nights seemed to get less common as we got smart phones. I am in a bit of a weird situation because I’m more independent than most (somewhat absent / workaholic family) but I know that’s the exception.
      - willcipriano 3y ago
        Take a look at the wealthier kids with stay at home moms. Zero privacy. She knows where you are and what you are doing at all times. Tracker in the phone, surveillance cameras at school and more often in the home, the school issued laptop logging every keystroke. We had our own cash money. Parents wouldn't know specifics or "help you with budgeting". You earned it mowing lawns it was yours to spend. Getting a allowance on a credit card (in case he buys drugs!) isn't the same. One last thing. Every night around 9 o'clock, the TV would ask parents all around the country "It's 9PM, do you know where your children are?" beacuse sometimes they would legitimately forget and not notice they haven't come home yet.
    - Der_Einzige 3y ago
      This whole thread is a bunch of boomers or gen X folks who are upset at the techno freedom that the youth have. These same boomers and Gen X are then advocating for taking away freedom of internet association. Then you come here and write out a post explaining how the kids of today are living in a relative prison and back in the day you got all this freedom to go on dates at the mall that your parents wouldn’t approve of. Your parents would have banned you from going to the mall if they knew what you were doing - and you’re also an out of touch boomer - and that’s not a comment about your age, but about your mentality.
      - weakfish 3y ago
        I agree that calling it prison is over the top, but I also think your response is a bit rude and dismissive of very valid statements by the reply
- _mlbt 3y ago
  That’s just incredibly dystopian and sad. I hope this is the start of a greater trend pushing back against social media. We’ve lost so much quality social interaction to apps. The mental health aspects of just stepping outside and making real personal human connections are huge.

_mlbt 3y ago

Your comment reminded me of one of the best books I’ve ever read… Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. He talks about what he calls the “backwards law” which is about these counterintuitive truths like the one that you discovered.

GoblinSlayer 3y ago

When I was a child I used the argument "because others do it" and mom told me to not look at others and think for myself. I understood the idea just fine.