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The quote in question: > If you want a girlfriend, get out of the Bay Area. Almost everywhere else on the planet is better for that. I’m not kidding at all. Yo

The quote in question: > If you want a girlfriend, get out of the Bay Area. Almost everywhere else on the planet is better for that. I’m not kidding at all. You’ll be shocked by the stark differences in behavior of women in places where women are plentiful versus their behavior within artillery distance of San Jose and San Francisco This reads to me like a reflection of his own difficulties with dating in the bay area, leading him to generalize. He's only human, and I don't think he should be burned at the stake for letting a bit of that humanity slip. At the same time, it's not surprising that a professor is going to face some scrutiny for publicly deriding a population he will inevitably have to teach. In his apology he says he didn't mean to disrespect women, but he definitely did, the point of his statement was specifically to call out the women in that region as being so undesirable that eligible men should move rather than date them. That's a mean thing to say, and an unfair generalization to all the lovely ladies in the bay area. I think an apology suffices, hopefully he doesn't get fired for it.

davidguetta 3y ago
"being so undesirable" I don't think he meant "undesirable". I understood it as "too selective", with the implication that there's too much male competition in the Bay.
- root_axis 3y ago
  Perhaps, but that's not the connotation I take. If someone is living in the bay area asking for dating advice, saying "seriously, don't even try dating, just leave", it heavily implies the type of behavior he's referring to is the kind you should run away from. If the problem was that they are "too selective" then the advice should focus around tips for making yourself more competitive in the dating market.
  - anamax 3y ago
    "improving" can't work for everyone when there are a limited number of slots. The solutions are win, polyandry, do without, leave, and change the demographics.
    - root_axis 3y ago
      Dating isn't a zero sum game, there are hundreds of thousands of single women in the bay area at any time, more than any individual can ever possibly meet before "running out of slots".
      - anamax 3y ago
        Zero-sum has nothing to do with absolute numbers, let alone "the number you can meet". The issue is relative numbers. If there's more demand for women than there is demand for men in the relevant cohort, some men's demand must be unsatisfied (barring polyandry). That's as true for 10M men and 8M women as it is for 10 men and 8 women. (After those 8x women are matched, there are 2x men left over.) Moreover, single is the wrong characteristic - available is the right one. The ratio of available women to available men is even more lopsided than the ratio of women to men (in the relevant cohort). (It doesn't matter what definition you use for available as long as it's the same on both sides.)
      - davidguetta 3y ago
        It's a lot worse than zero sum actually. Most girls are happy not to fuck if they feel "there's better out there". Hence the decreasing degree of sex in young people to be linked with the increase of social media.
  - davidguetta 3y ago
    If you're naturally bad at dating just don't shoot yourself in the foot in a place where there's limited supply of mates. And regarding the behavior yeah it's def said in a misognistic tone, but It's the same tone than women complaining a guy treated them like sh** because he had too many option. Nothing new, nothing to be extra offended of even if it was radically unprofessionnal (as would be a women saying stuff like that)
skippy5 3y ago
Interesting how we don't try and unpack the merits of his words and quickly label something this or that and try and get him fired - what happened to fkng free speech Berkeley fascists. Perhaps what he meant is Technology is heavily slanted male, higher percentage so more competition, for a limited supply. Could it just be that simple my panty wadded peeps!
skippy5 3y ago
SANTA CLARA COUNTY MEN:WOMEN 15 to 19 106 to 100 20 to 24 110 to 100 25 to 29 112 to 100 30 to 34 108 to 100 35 to 39 104 to 100 LETS LOOK AT THE DATA
atq2119 3y ago
> the point of his statement was specifically to call out the women in that region as being so undesirable that eligible men should move rather than date them. That's not what I got from it at all. What I got from it is: there is a gender imbalance in the Bay area. This gender imbalance favors women. That has an impact on women's behavior - presumably allowing women to be pickier. This makes the experience frustrating for men, hence the recommendation to go elsewhere. Note, it's not the women who are the undesirable ones in this interpretation...
- root_axis 3y ago
  I wrote a similar reply to a sibling comment, but to me the tone suggests "undesirable" because the advice is "don't even try to date, go anywhere else in the world", he even bolsters it by saying "I'm not kidding" because he knows its a bit extreme to uproot your life to increase dating odds. If he had said something along the lines of "expect to face some rejections before success, that's just the reality of dating, especially for a man in the bay area, here are some tips to make yourself more competitive in the dating market", that would strike me as a reflection on picky women.
  - friend_and_foe 3y ago
    I don't disagree with everything you said, but I don't think its extreme to uproot yourself in search for a partner. Choice in a life partner is going to be one of the most consequential decisions you'll ever make. If you've got to go to the end of the earth to find your soul mate, will you do it? Extreme, hyperbolic example but it shows my point. All the things you need for a successful pairing and family, similar culture, similar socioeconomic details, similar values, similar philosophies, similar life goals... Going somewhere where the potential partners are more like you (while of course simultaneously making sure you meet their criteria as well) is not that extreme when you consider that you will ideally spend the rest of your life with them and raise your children with them.
gizmo 3y ago
> This reads to me like a reflection of his own difficulties with dating in the bay area I'm pretty sure the professor is married.
- root_axis 3y ago
  Well it says he's been teaching there from at least 1998, I assume he had some exposure to the dating world prior to getting married, but in fairness that opinion is total speculation. It'd be more puzzling to me if he made this comment after having no problems dating in the bay area. Either way, no way to know for sure.
- dotcoma 3y ago
  Being married is not necessarily an indicator of not having difficulties just as being alone is not necessarily an indicator of having difficulties, imho.

davidguetta 3y ago

"being so undesirable" I don't think he meant "undesirable". I understood it as "too selective", with the implication that there's too much male competition in the Bay.

root_axis 3y ago
Perhaps, but that's not the connotation I take. If someone is living in the bay area asking for dating advice, saying "seriously, don't even try dating, just leave", it heavily implies the type of behavior he's referring to is the kind you should run away from. If the problem was that they are "too selective" then the advice should focus around tips for making yourself more competitive in the dating market.
- anamax 3y ago
  "improving" can't work for everyone when there are a limited number of slots. The solutions are win, polyandry, do without, leave, and change the demographics.
  - root_axis 3y ago
    Dating isn't a zero sum game, there are hundreds of thousands of single women in the bay area at any time, more than any individual can ever possibly meet before "running out of slots".
    - anamax 3y ago
      Zero-sum has nothing to do with absolute numbers, let alone "the number you can meet". The issue is relative numbers. If there's more demand for women than there is demand for men in the relevant cohort, some men's demand must be unsatisfied (barring polyandry). That's as true for 10M men and 8M women as it is for 10 men and 8 women. (After those 8x women are matched, there are 2x men left over.) Moreover, single is the wrong characteristic - available is the right one. The ratio of available women to available men is even more lopsided than the ratio of women to men (in the relevant cohort). (It doesn't matter what definition you use for available as long as it's the same on both sides.)
    - davidguetta 3y ago
      It's a lot worse than zero sum actually. Most girls are happy not to fuck if they feel "there's better out there". Hence the decreasing degree of sex in young people to be linked with the increase of social media.
- davidguetta 3y ago
  If you're naturally bad at dating just don't shoot yourself in the foot in a place where there's limited supply of mates. And regarding the behavior yeah it's def said in a misognistic tone, but It's the same tone than women complaining a guy treated them like sh** because he had too many option. Nothing new, nothing to be extra offended of even if it was radically unprofessionnal (as would be a women saying stuff like that)

skippy5 3y ago

Interesting how we don't try and unpack the merits of his words and quickly label something this or that and try and get him fired - what happened to fkng free speech Berkeley fascists. Perhaps what he meant is Technology is heavily slanted male, higher percentage so more competition, for a limited supply. Could it just be that simple my panty wadded peeps!

skippy5 3y ago

SANTA CLARA COUNTY MEN:WOMEN 15 to 19 106 to 100 20 to 24 110 to 100 25 to 29 112 to 100 30 to 34 108 to 100 35 to 39 104 to 100 LETS LOOK AT THE DATA

atq2119 3y ago

> the point of his statement was specifically to call out the women in that region as being so undesirable that eligible men should move rather than date them. That's not what I got from it at all. What I got from it is: there is a gender imbalance in the Bay area. This gender imbalance favors women. That has an impact on women's behavior - presumably allowing women to be pickier. This makes the experience frustrating for men, hence the recommendation to go elsewhere. Note, it's not the women who are the undesirable ones in this interpretation...

root_axis 3y ago
I wrote a similar reply to a sibling comment, but to me the tone suggests "undesirable" because the advice is "don't even try to date, go anywhere else in the world", he even bolsters it by saying "I'm not kidding" because he knows its a bit extreme to uproot your life to increase dating odds. If he had said something along the lines of "expect to face some rejections before success, that's just the reality of dating, especially for a man in the bay area, here are some tips to make yourself more competitive in the dating market", that would strike me as a reflection on picky women.
- friend_and_foe 3y ago
  I don't disagree with everything you said, but I don't think its extreme to uproot yourself in search for a partner. Choice in a life partner is going to be one of the most consequential decisions you'll ever make. If you've got to go to the end of the earth to find your soul mate, will you do it? Extreme, hyperbolic example but it shows my point. All the things you need for a successful pairing and family, similar culture, similar socioeconomic details, similar values, similar philosophies, similar life goals... Going somewhere where the potential partners are more like you (while of course simultaneously making sure you meet their criteria as well) is not that extreme when you consider that you will ideally spend the rest of your life with them and raise your children with them.

gizmo 3y ago

> This reads to me like a reflection of his own difficulties with dating in the bay area I'm pretty sure the professor is married.

root_axis 3y ago
Well it says he's been teaching there from at least 1998, I assume he had some exposure to the dating world prior to getting married, but in fairness that opinion is total speculation. It'd be more puzzling to me if he made this comment after having no problems dating in the bay area. Either way, no way to know for sure.
dotcoma 3y ago
Being married is not necessarily an indicator of not having difficulties just as being alone is not necessarily an indicator of having difficulties, imho.