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I went anonymous for this one and it's all my fault. I really messed up. I had it all- wife, stepkids, job, homes. I had a good life. I miss my old life. I miss

by nobdy 3y ago

I went anonymous for this one and it's all my fault. I really messed up. I had it all- wife, stepkids, job, homes. I had a good life. I miss my old life. I miss my baby. But it's all gone now and I can never have it back. I basically lost everything... due to my own paranoia and listening to family members I shouldn't have listened to who didn't agree with my marriage to begin with, I complained to the wrong people when I should have just gone directly to my wife about my concerns and I let them bud into my life for no reason. Now my wife is gone, and soon after I lost my job, then as I was driving around getting rid of my belongings, the wheel of my car fell off and then my car was gone, and then I had to sell my properties to get myself out of debt. And I had just enough to buy a new used car. then I got a job working for a company that provided me with a company vehicle, and then I do some DoorDashing after work when I can. Both are helping me make the payments on the vehicle. I'm technically living out of my personal car. My realtor was nice enough to lend me his driveway to park the company vehicle. I'm over his house a few days a week to pick up the company car for work and they usually put me up in motels or hotels around the state so it takes care of my housing needs when I'm not sleeping in my car. It's just a contract job and will probably be over in a few months but it works for now. Once it ends, I'm planning to leave the state to somewhere warm if I don't kill myself first. I made a few really bad decisions that cost me everything. I won't get into it as I already mentioned the consequences of my actions. I destroyed my life. I am now just living a very quiet life. I removed my social media presence. I'm not much involved in the tech world anymore. And I'm living mostly like a nomad. Life as I knew it is gone. I fight depression everyday... hoping I don't wake up, sometimes wondering if I should just drive into oncoming traffic or off a cliff and hopefully that will take care of things. After I lost my wife, I tried starving myself for nearly 6 months in hopes for death, but all I did was lose 50 pounds. I'm just existing now. I lost all purpose in my life.

atleastoptimal 3y ago
Thank you for sharing. Life rarely fails to prove that there is no limit to how bad it can get. Perhaps all our grand narratives of love and moral truth are the veil we keep between ourselves and the undeniable reality of what everything at some point decays into. I think what is important is that you are alive. You can still think. You still have the freedom to create a future. Far more paths lie ahead for you than what is easy to imagine. This is a little cheesy, but if anything, I promise you this. Reading what you have written, I will, with serious aim, seek to be to a better person to myself, my family, and those I may come to know in my life. I have not been perfect, I have wasted so much time, but as long as I am alive, I have free will; I can choose. I want you to remember then that the path I'm now set on, whatever greater amount of good that I do than I would have otherwise, it was because of you.
uptownfunk 3y ago
There is always another chance. As long as your heart is beating, your body is functioning, there is hope, even for the hopeless. Try and find a source of strength and connect with it, then it will give you the hope and strength you don’t have now. Or it may be a friend, a religion, God, a community, a historical figure, a living figure, that energy is out there and when you connect with it you will feel it again. I hope you find it, sending a healthy portion of blessings your way.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]

by nobdy 3y ago

atleastoptimal 3y ago

Thank you for sharing. Life rarely fails to prove that there is no limit to how bad it can get. Perhaps all our grand narratives of love and moral truth are the veil we keep between ourselves and the undeniable reality of what everything at some point decays into. I think what is important is that you are alive. You can still think. You still have the freedom to create a future. Far more paths lie ahead for you than what is easy to imagine. This is a little cheesy, but if anything, I promise you this. Reading what you have written, I will, with serious aim, seek to be to a better person to myself, my family, and those I may come to know in my life. I have not been perfect, I have wasted so much time, but as long as I am alive, I have free will; I can choose. I want you to remember then that the path I'm now set on, whatever greater amount of good that I do than I would have otherwise, it was because of you.

uptownfunk 3y ago

There is always another chance. As long as your heart is beating, your body is functioning, there is hope, even for the hopeless. Try and find a source of strength and connect with it, then it will give you the hope and strength you don’t have now. Or it may be a friend, a religion, God, a community, a historical figure, a living figure, that energy is out there and when you connect with it you will feel it again. I hope you find it, sending a healthy portion of blessings your way.

deleted 3y ago

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