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Not sure if you have kids, but I am guilty of this. I used to think exactly like you, especially leading up to the birth of our first. You see in restaurants t

Not sure if you have kids, but I am guilty of this. I used to think exactly like you, especially leading up to the birth of our first. You see in restaurants the parent glued to their phone and the child happily doing whatever. It is sad, even as I think about it now - it is sad. But, I've become more lenient/understanding over time after having children. It is simply unrealistic to be a the beck and call of your child(ren) 100% of the time. It's quite hard for me to want to play with my children for extended periods. Not sure why. It could be my mild ADHD; my desire for something more intellectual? I just get so tired when I'm with them, and after they go to sleep, I'm so awake. I finally understood why so many people say "work is easier than being with your kids". Don't get me wrong, I love my kids so much. It's just the idealism vs reality of parenting is very very far. I'm extremely thankful to my wife who reminds me to put my phone away, and it makes me extremely annoyed to be corrected. Obviously, I need it. Life isn't easy especially raising kids.

14 3y ago
This is a good take. I have also stayed single for a LONG time due to having children and separating from their mom and not wanting to not be available for them. I stayed single for over 4 years and gave all my time to my kids. But after a while I realized, as well as them getting older, that I too deserve to get out and have someone in my life to love me. Still working on the love life but do get out with friends a bit more often than I used to and my kids see how much healthier I am taking me time and being active and having a social life.
mmmpetrichor 3y ago
I think the study was talking about teens, which is actually ridiculous because I think most teens are on their phones 1000% more than adults, and a survey of teens saying their parents don't listen enough is hilarious. But I identify 100% with your post, that's the reality of every parent with younger kids. You connect with them at one level and its amazing, but they're children and you aren't. It's exhausting to stay on their level for long. If I'm forced to put it in terms most HN readers without real life adult experience will understand, there's an impedance mismatch.
ryandrake 3y ago
I am a parent, and time spent engaging with my kid is far more important to me than almost anything I could be doing on my phone. In the rare case where I -have- to do something right now, I will tell her how long this task will take and then restore my attention at that time.

14 3y ago

This is a good take. I have also stayed single for a LONG time due to having children and separating from their mom and not wanting to not be available for them. I stayed single for over 4 years and gave all my time to my kids. But after a while I realized, as well as them getting older, that I too deserve to get out and have someone in my life to love me. Still working on the love life but do get out with friends a bit more often than I used to and my kids see how much healthier I am taking me time and being active and having a social life.

mmmpetrichor 3y ago

I think the study was talking about teens, which is actually ridiculous because I think most teens are on their phones 1000% more than adults, and a survey of teens saying their parents don't listen enough is hilarious. But I identify 100% with your post, that's the reality of every parent with younger kids. You connect with them at one level and its amazing, but they're children and you aren't. It's exhausting to stay on their level for long. If I'm forced to put it in terms most HN readers without real life adult experience will understand, there's an impedance mismatch.

ryandrake 3y ago

I am a parent, and time spent engaging with my kid is far more important to me than almost anything I could be doing on my phone. In the rare case where I -have- to do something right now, I will tell her how long this task will take and then restore my attention at that time.