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> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it. I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely,

> I'm certain there are many on here who had high potential and feel they've squandered it. I had the same feeling, I still do to some extent. But genuinely, I also have noticed that society isn't equipped to deal with my high potential. My issue is: I want to stay authentic, I find it (morally/ethically) hard to put on a mask or role. Therefore, I bring my whole self to a job interview. The problem with that is that: suppose you'd order a coffee at your local coffee chain and you see the barista, and they would bring their whole self while making you that coffee. How would you feel about that? You'd think "I only wanted a coffee, but now I also have to deal with all this extra stuff." That extra stuff may be good or bad, but it's still overhead. Well, that's the problem I'm running into when applying for jobs. No one in my family could've told me that this would happen. It wasn't part of my upbringing. No one at uni told me this. I had to painfully piece this together myself. A large part of society doesn't fully get integrated into work culture. Some people fix this by being okay with lying or bending the truth. I wasn't. However, the workplace is not the welcoming environment that university is. At university all one has to do is to show that they're ambitious and work their asses off. That's not the case in the workplace. The mechanics are much more tribal, and also culturally different. I wasn't prepared for it and I wasn't willing to sacrifice my integrity over it. So yea, my high potential simply could not have been utilized. Also, it shows that markets are inefficient. The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and the market incentives for companies to find me and use my talents aren't strong enough either. I'm convinced there are companies out there that I'd be able to transform due to a personality/culture/skill fit. However, both me and those companies are having an incredibly hard time finding each other. To be fair, it's not an easy task. And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. It is what it is. I choose to stay as optimistic as possible.

v-erne 3y ago
>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough >> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and the market incentives for companies to find me and use my talents aren't strong enough either. But on the other hand - you seems somehow not to notice that todays world is all about team work and the only way most people can test you on this is by using their intuition -so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right - the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive)
- Rastonbury 3y ago
  It's the assholes who say "I am being me, deal with it" as an excuse to get away with bad/rude behaviour without actually knowing what their true self is
  - mettamage 3y ago
    You're currently labeling a group of people as assholes that seem to say something similar to what I wrote. Please assume that I'm commenting in good faith [1]. I can mask my behavior as well and I have done at places, it sucks. HN is not a place where I want to do this. > Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
    - Rastonbury 3y ago
      I am not labelling you an asshole, I am saying there are people who use that as an excuse and this group make the other group look bad
      - mettamage 3y ago
        Fair enough, I can see that.
- mettamage 3y ago
  > the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive) That's what I was trying to depict with coffee/barista example. The example highlights the problem: the customer simply wants coffee brought to him, not to meet a new person - perhaps for a small quick back 'n forth chat but that's it. In the work force, people see other people mostly for the services they provide first and foremost and they want it to be a pleasant interaction. They don't care about you, they care about (1) the service and (2) it being pleasant/positive. I get it, I also find it dehumanizing, but I get it. And it is a harsh truth. I've tested to put my morals/ethics away and just mask my behavior. Suddenly I jive much better in the work force. The only thing I don't jive well with when I do that is my own conscience. > so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right What I was trying to depict in my previous comment: the harsh truth is that not everyone is enculturated to fit in. Some people never got a real chance to get the memo. That's how talent is wasted. It's an unequal playing field. This is especially true for people in economical disadvantaged positions. For example, a friend of mine is a teacher and he teaches some economical disadvantaged boys. Those boys believe that being able to beat someone up is actual strength and what it means to be a man. They care about all the stereotype things that a person cares about when living the "thug life". Some will grow up like that in their adulthood, in my experience. For them, it's tough to integrate into any working lifestyle simply because they've had a traumatic past where no one had the culture of trying to solve conflicts with words rather than with violence (speaking from enough experience). Schools try to correct for this and are failing, and I'm speaking from experience in the Netherlands. I can't even imagine what the US is like. It's an unequal playing field. I've made my peace with that a long time ago since being born in NL is also unequal. But given that, it bares to be repeated. How you grow up determines a lot of how you're encultured into the work force.

v-erne 3y ago

>> And market dynamics sure aren't fully solving it with the "invisible hand" that it offers. If I take my ideological glasses off for a second its kinda obvious why - invisible hand is just and "observation" dressed in lots of wishful thinking from economists. In reality it is just useful model that almost always fails if you look close enough >> The market incentives for me to find a job aren't strong enough and the market incentives for companies to find me and use my talents aren't strong enough either. But on the other hand - you seems somehow not to notice that todays world is all about team work and the only way most people can test you on this is by using their intuition -so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right - the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive)

Rastonbury 3y ago
It's the assholes who say "I am being me, deal with it" as an excuse to get away with bad/rude behaviour without actually knowing what their true self is
- mettamage 3y ago
  You're currently labeling a group of people as assholes that seem to say something similar to what I wrote. Please assume that I'm commenting in good faith [1]. I can mask my behavior as well and I have done at places, it sucks. HN is not a place where I want to do this. > Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html
  - Rastonbury 3y ago
    I am not labelling you an asshole, I am saying there are people who use that as an excuse and this group make the other group look bad
    - mettamage 3y ago
      Fair enough, I can see that.
mettamage 3y ago
> the harsh truth is that there is not many people that want to work with people that are true to themselfs (which usually means they have all barriers and filters discarded and are at best annoying and at worst offensive) That's what I was trying to depict with coffee/barista example. The example highlights the problem: the customer simply wants coffee brought to him, not to meet a new person - perhaps for a small quick back 'n forth chat but that's it. In the work force, people see other people mostly for the services they provide first and foremost and they want it to be a pleasant interaction. They don't care about you, they care about (1) the service and (2) it being pleasant/positive. I get it, I also find it dehumanizing, but I get it. And it is a harsh truth. I've tested to put my morals/ethics away and just mask my behavior. Suddenly I jive much better in the work force. The only thing I don't jive well with when I do that is my own conscience. > so if you feel off to them they will write you off as not a cultural fit and by all means they may be right What I was trying to depict in my previous comment: the harsh truth is that not everyone is enculturated to fit in. Some people never got a real chance to get the memo. That's how talent is wasted. It's an unequal playing field. This is especially true for people in economical disadvantaged positions. For example, a friend of mine is a teacher and he teaches some economical disadvantaged boys. Those boys believe that being able to beat someone up is actual strength and what it means to be a man. They care about all the stereotype things that a person cares about when living the "thug life". Some will grow up like that in their adulthood, in my experience. For them, it's tough to integrate into any working lifestyle simply because they've had a traumatic past where no one had the culture of trying to solve conflicts with words rather than with violence (speaking from enough experience). Schools try to correct for this and are failing, and I'm speaking from experience in the Netherlands. I can't even imagine what the US is like. It's an unequal playing field. I've made my peace with that a long time ago since being born in NL is also unequal. But given that, it bares to be repeated. How you grow up determines a lot of how you're encultured into the work force.