4 ms·

The older I get the more I credit luck (both good and bad) for most of what happens to people

shermantanktop 3y ago
The American sports self-help response is “you make your own luck.” And I do think there’s something to that; “luck” is by definition an event in which the individual lacks agency. But some lucky events have preconditions that the individual can influence. Sometimes it’s merely a matter of rolling the dice as many times as you can. That said, having tanks roll across your country’s border is not going to be influenced by anyone’s can-do attitude.
- bonestamp2 3y ago
  There is a famous music producer that I follow and he once said something that I think applies to everyone trying to be successful in any industry. He said he knows people who are more talented than he is, but they tried to be successful from their keyboard alone, and he became wildly successful because he hates sitting behind his computer all day. Early in his career he was out at clubs meeting people, which led to volunteering in recording studios, which taught him a solid foundation, which led to getting hired for larger gigs, concerts, and then music festivals, a Las Vegas residency, etc. Like you said, he persistently rolled the dice on as many game boards as he could find and his number eventually came up. Now, another person could have done all of the same things and not been as successful, and those are the two different sides of making your own luck I suppose -- even in making your own luck, there is an element of luck.
  - shermantanktop 3y ago
    Constantly rolling the dice comes at a cost of repeated rejection. In the creative space, where the work or performance can be deeply personal and exposed, that quantity and frequency of rejection can be too much to bear.
    - bonestamp2 3y ago
      I absolutely agree, there are very few people resilient enough for it. But, not all of that journey has to be personal... just showing up and being part of the industry, helping others, putting in more than you might ever get out, etc can earn a lot of goodwill from others. But it's still risky in several ways. I know a few people who are wildly successful, and none of them did it without a lot of risk and luck.
      - shermantanktop 3y ago
        For me, as someone with side activities in the arts, going from "almost done" to "actually done" is a huge step precisely because the work is no longer a process artifact, and now has to stand on its own merits. How one's ego is involved changes dramatically. There's a reason there are so many unfinished symphonies and novels...
- munificent 3y ago
  I think one of the greatest predictors of life satisfaction is how much agency you believe you have. If you believe you have little, that you're just a leaf floating on the surface of a river getting tossed about by the current, you will be profoundly miserable. We are active beings and our brains have evolved to help us do stuff, and believing even before we try that we can't do things is a recipe for existential dread and depression. At the same time, stuff does happen to us outside of our control. We may think we have agency over something and discover to our frustration that we simply don't. Believing that we have complete agency over everything that happens is magical thinking and leads to toxic guilt and self-blame whenever anything bad happens to us or others we care about. I think there's a sweet spot where you should believe you have a little more agency than you actually do. When you're wrong, it's better to have guessed that you could affect an outcome and failed, than to assume you couldn't and miss an opportunity. A tablespoon of frustration is easier to swallow than a tablespoon of regret. I'm surprised how rarely I hear people discuss this because if I've learned anything in the past five years of therapy, it's how central our internal beliefs about how we interact with the world are to our emotional health.
  - marcus_holmes 3y ago
    In my experience every time I've actively tried to change my world and achieve my goals it has just not worked. But every time I've been clear about my goals but allowed the methods to be shaped by serendipity, it's been successful. This is what I mean by "luck". It works, but I don't know why. It's very like the Personal Values thing that I learned in therapy: make decisions based on whether they align with my values above all other considerations. Again, it works - I end up getting what I wanted - but I don't know why.
Xeyz0r 3y ago
And the inability to influence the course of global events that can affect your life in any case...

The American sports self-help response is “you make your own luck.” And I do think there’s something to that; “luck” is by definition an event in which the individual lacks agency. But some lucky events have preconditions that the individual can influence. Sometimes it’s merely a matter of rolling the dice as many times as you can. That said, having tanks roll across your country’s border is not going to be influenced by anyone’s can-do attitude.

bonestamp2 3y ago
There is a famous music producer that I follow and he once said something that I think applies to everyone trying to be successful in any industry. He said he knows people who are more talented than he is, but they tried to be successful from their keyboard alone, and he became wildly successful because he hates sitting behind his computer all day. Early in his career he was out at clubs meeting people, which led to volunteering in recording studios, which taught him a solid foundation, which led to getting hired for larger gigs, concerts, and then music festivals, a Las Vegas residency, etc. Like you said, he persistently rolled the dice on as many game boards as he could find and his number eventually came up. Now, another person could have done all of the same things and not been as successful, and those are the two different sides of making your own luck I suppose -- even in making your own luck, there is an element of luck.
- shermantanktop 3y ago
  Constantly rolling the dice comes at a cost of repeated rejection. In the creative space, where the work or performance can be deeply personal and exposed, that quantity and frequency of rejection can be too much to bear.
  - bonestamp2 3y ago
    I absolutely agree, there are very few people resilient enough for it. But, not all of that journey has to be personal... just showing up and being part of the industry, helping others, putting in more than you might ever get out, etc can earn a lot of goodwill from others. But it's still risky in several ways. I know a few people who are wildly successful, and none of them did it without a lot of risk and luck.
    - shermantanktop 3y ago
      For me, as someone with side activities in the arts, going from "almost done" to "actually done" is a huge step precisely because the work is no longer a process artifact, and now has to stand on its own merits. How one's ego is involved changes dramatically. There's a reason there are so many unfinished symphonies and novels...
munificent 3y ago
I think one of the greatest predictors of life satisfaction is how much agency you believe you have. If you believe you have little, that you're just a leaf floating on the surface of a river getting tossed about by the current, you will be profoundly miserable. We are active beings and our brains have evolved to help us do stuff, and believing even before we try that we can't do things is a recipe for existential dread and depression. At the same time, stuff does happen to us outside of our control. We may think we have agency over something and discover to our frustration that we simply don't. Believing that we have complete agency over everything that happens is magical thinking and leads to toxic guilt and self-blame whenever anything bad happens to us or others we care about. I think there's a sweet spot where you should believe you have a little more agency than you actually do. When you're wrong, it's better to have guessed that you could affect an outcome and failed, than to assume you couldn't and miss an opportunity. A tablespoon of frustration is easier to swallow than a tablespoon of regret. I'm surprised how rarely I hear people discuss this because if I've learned anything in the past five years of therapy, it's how central our internal beliefs about how we interact with the world are to our emotional health.
- marcus_holmes 3y ago
  In my experience every time I've actively tried to change my world and achieve my goals it has just not worked. But every time I've been clear about my goals but allowed the methods to be shaped by serendipity, it's been successful. This is what I mean by "luck". It works, but I don't know why. It's very like the Personal Values thing that I learned in therapy: make decisions based on whether they align with my values above all other considerations. Again, it works - I end up getting what I wanted - but I don't know why.

Xeyz0r 3y ago

And the inability to influence the course of global events that can affect your life in any case...