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I think you do a better job than the article does of articulating it's underlying point, which is to approach others with humility rather than judgement. Many p

by eszed 3y ago

I think you do a better job than the article does of articulating it's underlying point, which is to approach others with humility rather than judgement. Many people, perhaps most (the "crowd"), find out one delusional or disagreeable thing about a person, and use that as an excuse to judge and then entirely ignore them. Your way is wiser. If we take seriously the idea that "the line separating good and evil [or rational and irrational, if you prefer] runs through every human heart" then we all hold "delusional" beliefs. There are ideas I hold and defend, right now, which do not align with reality. I don't know what they are just yet, but I'm trying to figure that out, and am (or should be) willing to listen to anyone else along the way. In practice, though... Whew! I mean, my uncle Dan knows a hell of a lot more about guns than I ever will, and I'd value his opinion about the relative merits of this or that firearm very highly. On the other hand, inviting that conversation means engaging / filtering all of the other opinions he'll inevitably express along the way. It's a ton of mental effort, and not usually worth it, especially since I'm not all that interested in guns. He knows much more than I do about cars, as well, and has fewer (not none, but fewer) conspiratorial beliefs attached to that subject, so that's where I'll usually lead our conversations.

sublinear 3y ago
> inviting that conversation means engaging / filtering all of the other opinions he'll inevitably express along the way. It's a ton of mental effort I've found that this gets easier over time as you interact with the same person. Most people want you to "define the relationship" and avoid friction with them. They are flattered when you take them seriously about something. The "mental effort" is worth it to me. I try to keep friends of all kinds. Adults don't reject, they just maintain boundaries.
- kelseyfrog 3y ago
  Rejection is a valid way to maintain a boundary. So is knowing ones own capacity. There is more nuance to relationships and maturity than "adults don't reject."
- eszed 3y ago
  I like that approach. Following on, there are people who disregard boundaries, with whom it is important to end or curtail relationships. One is not, however, rejecting them because of their beliefs, rather redefining the relationship because of their actions. It is possible to do that whilst maintaining respect for their humanity. Thank you. That's an insightful idea. [Edit, because glancing at your comment once again: Lol. "Avoid friction" is not part of my uncle Dan's makeup. He's one of those people who goes out of his way to create it. He's a bully, quite frankly. He's also my uncle, and so not someone I can avoid, without cutting myself off from a lot of other people I value highly. He's also not all bad. He's generous with his tools and time and advice when my car needs work. He's a good storyteller, and knows more about my family's history than anyone else in it. He's promised to protect me, even though I'm a Liberal, when the civil war he hopes will happen breaks out, and people like him get out their guns and start killing people like me. (Yes, literally.) That's... Um, the sort of topic I try to steer him away from.]

by eszed 3y ago

sublinear 3y ago

> inviting that conversation means engaging / filtering all of the other opinions he'll inevitably express along the way. It's a ton of mental effort I've found that this gets easier over time as you interact with the same person. Most people want you to "define the relationship" and avoid friction with them. They are flattered when you take them seriously about something. The "mental effort" is worth it to me. I try to keep friends of all kinds. Adults don't reject, they just maintain boundaries.

kelseyfrog 3y ago
Rejection is a valid way to maintain a boundary. So is knowing ones own capacity. There is more nuance to relationships and maturity than "adults don't reject."
eszed 3y ago
I like that approach. Following on, there are people who disregard boundaries, with whom it is important to end or curtail relationships. One is not, however, rejecting them because of their beliefs, rather redefining the relationship because of their actions. It is possible to do that whilst maintaining respect for their humanity. Thank you. That's an insightful idea. [Edit, because glancing at your comment once again: Lol. "Avoid friction" is not part of my uncle Dan's makeup. He's one of those people who goes out of his way to create it. He's a bully, quite frankly. He's also my uncle, and so not someone I can avoid, without cutting myself off from a lot of other people I value highly. He's also not all bad. He's generous with his tools and time and advice when my car needs work. He's a good storyteller, and knows more about my family's history than anyone else in it. He's promised to protect me, even though I'm a Liberal, when the civil war he hopes will happen breaks out, and people like him get out their guns and start killing people like me. (Yes, literally.) That's... Um, the sort of topic I try to steer him away from.]