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I agree with this. Also, the period of time where children are very tiring is relatively short, perhaps 2-3 years per child. Yes, this adds up when you have 2 o

I agree with this. Also, the period of time where children are very tiring is relatively short, perhaps 2-3 years per child. Yes, this adds up when you have 2 or 3 children, but there is also a lot of joy to leaven the fatigue. Then you have the period before they are 11 or so, when they are just pure magic to be around. You get to see the world through their eyes. You get to be around someone who is always eager to learn from you and who thinks you’re amazing. And then you have a teenager and your relationship matures and deepens (hopefully anyway) and although there are often difficulties, there can also be a kind of friendship there with deep meaningfulness. And/or someone who will make fun of you and take your ego down a peg or two. For me, finding meaning in life has long been a struggle. Is it the pursuit of pleasure? Is it the pursuit of knowledge? So much of all that is ephemeral. How about, instead, sacrifice? Putting others first? Investing in future generations? One thing I do believe for sure: having a child makes most people wiser and less self-centered and selfish. That alone is worth the fatigue.

decafninja 3y ago
What is the goal of having kids though, from a personal perspective? Sample size of 1, but even looking around my generally stable middle to upper middle class social circle, I feel like despite putting your best effort in, it’s a 50:50 coin toss that you’ll be in your later years with a wonderful relationship with your adult children versus having them be virtual strangers or even estranged. Is that considered meaningful, and worth the sacrifices? I see a lot of elderly people who never see or hear from their kids other than a phone call during birthdays and maybe a visit during holidays, even if they live not too far away. I would hate to be in that kind of relationship with my future child. My wife and I see our parents multiple times a month, frequently eat out together, and even air travel together at least once a year. I would love that kind of relationship with my child, but I feel this is a massive edge case, not the norm, especially in American society.
- xyzelement 3y ago
  Nothing in life is guaranteed but some things are worth the fight and the risk. And I suspect you have more control over your outcomes than you think. How you raise your kids matters. Them seeing you dedicate time to your parents sends a good message than other kids may not be seeing for example.

decafninja 3y ago

What is the goal of having kids though, from a personal perspective? Sample size of 1, but even looking around my generally stable middle to upper middle class social circle, I feel like despite putting your best effort in, it’s a 50:50 coin toss that you’ll be in your later years with a wonderful relationship with your adult children versus having them be virtual strangers or even estranged. Is that considered meaningful, and worth the sacrifices? I see a lot of elderly people who never see or hear from their kids other than a phone call during birthdays and maybe a visit during holidays, even if they live not too far away. I would hate to be in that kind of relationship with my future child. My wife and I see our parents multiple times a month, frequently eat out together, and even air travel together at least once a year. I would love that kind of relationship with my child, but I feel this is a massive edge case, not the norm, especially in American society.

xyzelement 3y ago
Nothing in life is guaranteed but some things are worth the fight and the risk. And I suspect you have more control over your outcomes than you think. How you raise your kids matters. Them seeing you dedicate time to your parents sends a good message than other kids may not be seeing for example.