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A philosopher friend of mine pointed this exact thing: After having children he stopped pondering about the big existential questions. Paraphrasing his words:

A philosopher friend of mine pointed this exact thing: After having children he stopped pondering about the big existential questions. Paraphrasing his words: "You neither have the time nor the need to think of the meaning of it all: Children give meaning to everything ."

jauntywundrkind 3y ago
It just always seemed like a curse to me to only be able to ponder such a very very short small & local set of considerations. I think it's amazing that our species can take such grander views. Having children seems to truncate that perspective enormously. Still want kids, still excited for this future. But man, I think most kids would have much better lives & grow up to be better more interesting people if the parents & adults didn't have to make such enormous sacrifices, if there was some spare capacity left over. And I think capitalism & the world we live in today is especially draining & enmiserating in this way.
- golol 3y ago
  > And I think capitalism & the world we live in today is especially draining & enmiserating in this way. When was it bețter exactly?
  - nprateem 3y ago
    When child-rearing was a communal activity supported by friends and extended family.
    - laborcontract 3y ago
      You need to have a lot of kids for that to happen.
- ssnri 3y ago
  Unpopular opinion: parents get tax breaks, extra paid time off, and plenty of social leeway for blocking sidewalks with strollers / crying babies on planes, etc. Please don’t ask for more. We who don’t have kids have our own problems. As George Carlin put it: “speaking as a mother, …”
  - ssnri 3y ago
    [flagged]
    - ssnri 3y ago
      [flagged]
card_zero 3y ago
This disgusts me, because I want to think about meaning, and the statement strikes me as a hand-wavy excuse for distracting oneself, as well as an attack on my values. But then, the point raised by the article is that distraction is somewhat similar to meaningful purpose, and the line is a fine one because we adapt to new problem situations. Watching myself go through such adaptation is always somewhat creepy, and the moments of choice before embarking on a momentous project are difficult, not merely for reasons of cost/benefit analysis but because "cost" and "benefit" are liable to redefined by embarking, which is just confusing. Charlie Kaufman wrote a film called "Adaptation" which I thought was about this maybe.
- rich_sasha 3y ago
  I think being too tired is just a small part of it. A much bigger one is that children give you an enormous sense of mission: to protect them, educate them, shape them. To foster the world around you so that when they grow up, it's not as messed up as it could otherwise be. To be a better person all round, so you can be a better parent to them. You learn things so you can teach them, you learn things from them, you pick up hobbies together to learn alongside. Whether it's all worth the effort is a separate question, but oh boy it's a boost to existential anxiety for sure.
  - card_zero 3y ago
    Yes, that's true, although it's always irritated me slightly because it has a repetitive element, from one generation to the next, an element of "kicking the can down the road" or "passing the buck". Which is not to deny that it all generates knowledge and makes progress, but it (parenthood) generates a lot of churn, too.
    - mcphage 3y ago
      > but it (parenthood) generates a lot of churn, too. That churn is also known as "living".
      - 3y ago
thiht 3y ago
"Do you want to think about the meaning of life, or double it and pass it to the next person?"
RestlessMind 3y ago
After having children, it finally clicked to me that the purpose of life is simple - survival of your genes. It is the only purpose I have thought of so far which makes sense logically - organisms who care about the survival of their genes are more likely to have their genes survive. Organisms who do not care about that are less likely to do so.
sershe 3y ago
I am yet to find a reason for having children that is neither based on a past, now non-existent economic concern, nor could be retorted to with "so would getting yourself addicted to drugs". This article is of the latter variety. Why WOULD I want to sign up for either an endless bunch of chores, OR a bogus chemical change in my brain - let alone both - to make me stop pondering the meaning of life? Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-natalist and I support people having kids. Heck I'd pay for people to have more kids! I just want people to stop getting self-important about it. Purely by the numbers of the people who have accomplished child-rearing, it's one of the least special jobs in the world; maybe the least special of all - almost anyone can do it. There's more (real, not drug-like) meaning in agriculture or trash pickup.
- stnmtn 3y ago
  Why do you believe there's more meaning in trash pickup? If the argument is that it provides more utility to people in a community, surely raising a child into a responsible, productive member of society is way more utility?

jauntywundrkind 3y ago

It just always seemed like a curse to me to only be able to ponder such a very very short small & local set of considerations. I think it's amazing that our species can take such grander views. Having children seems to truncate that perspective enormously. Still want kids, still excited for this future. But man, I think most kids would have much better lives & grow up to be better more interesting people if the parents & adults didn't have to make such enormous sacrifices, if there was some spare capacity left over. And I think capitalism & the world we live in today is especially draining & enmiserating in this way.

golol 3y ago
> And I think capitalism & the world we live in today is especially draining & enmiserating in this way. When was it bețter exactly?
- nprateem 3y ago
  When child-rearing was a communal activity supported by friends and extended family.
  - laborcontract 3y ago
    You need to have a lot of kids for that to happen.
ssnri 3y ago
Unpopular opinion: parents get tax breaks, extra paid time off, and plenty of social leeway for blocking sidewalks with strollers / crying babies on planes, etc. Please don’t ask for more. We who don’t have kids have our own problems. As George Carlin put it: “speaking as a mother, …”
- ssnri 3y ago
  [flagged]
  - ssnri 3y ago
    [flagged]

card_zero 3y ago

This disgusts me, because I want to think about meaning, and the statement strikes me as a hand-wavy excuse for distracting oneself, as well as an attack on my values. But then, the point raised by the article is that distraction is somewhat similar to meaningful purpose, and the line is a fine one because we adapt to new problem situations. Watching myself go through such adaptation is always somewhat creepy, and the moments of choice before embarking on a momentous project are difficult, not merely for reasons of cost/benefit analysis but because "cost" and "benefit" are liable to redefined by embarking, which is just confusing. Charlie Kaufman wrote a film called "Adaptation" which I thought was about this maybe.

rich_sasha 3y ago
I think being too tired is just a small part of it. A much bigger one is that children give you an enormous sense of mission: to protect them, educate them, shape them. To foster the world around you so that when they grow up, it's not as messed up as it could otherwise be. To be a better person all round, so you can be a better parent to them. You learn things so you can teach them, you learn things from them, you pick up hobbies together to learn alongside. Whether it's all worth the effort is a separate question, but oh boy it's a boost to existential anxiety for sure.
- card_zero 3y ago
  Yes, that's true, although it's always irritated me slightly because it has a repetitive element, from one generation to the next, an element of "kicking the can down the road" or "passing the buck". Which is not to deny that it all generates knowledge and makes progress, but it (parenthood) generates a lot of churn, too.
  - mcphage 3y ago
    > but it (parenthood) generates a lot of churn, too. That churn is also known as "living".
    - 3y ago

thiht 3y ago

"Do you want to think about the meaning of life, or double it and pass it to the next person?"

RestlessMind 3y ago

After having children, it finally clicked to me that the purpose of life is simple - survival of your genes. It is the only purpose I have thought of so far which makes sense logically - organisms who care about the survival of their genes are more likely to have their genes survive. Organisms who do not care about that are less likely to do so.

sershe 3y ago

I am yet to find a reason for having children that is neither based on a past, now non-existent economic concern, nor could be retorted to with "so would getting yourself addicted to drugs". This article is of the latter variety. Why WOULD I want to sign up for either an endless bunch of chores, OR a bogus chemical change in my brain - let alone both - to make me stop pondering the meaning of life? Don't get me wrong, I'm pro-natalist and I support people having kids. Heck I'd pay for people to have more kids! I just want people to stop getting self-important about it. Purely by the numbers of the people who have accomplished child-rearing, it's one of the least special jobs in the world; maybe the least special of all - almost anyone can do it. There's more (real, not drug-like) meaning in agriculture or trash pickup.

stnmtn 3y ago
Why do you believe there's more meaning in trash pickup? If the argument is that it provides more utility to people in a community, surely raising a child into a responsible, productive member of society is way more utility?