4 ms·

As I read the comments, I see people becoming polarized very quickly. People are comparing shyness to homosexuality, etc. I think we need to calm down. As I re

by ajays 14y ago

As I read the comments, I see people becoming polarized very quickly. People are comparing shyness to homosexuality, etc. I think we need to calm down. As I read the article, it is saying that if you think you're handicapped (as in, at a disadvantage, before someone brings up physically disabled people) in society due to shyness, then it is possible to work on it and overcome the handicap to a large extent. If you are happy with being shy, it's OK; no one wants you to change :) I find being shy an impairment to making new friends and dating, and it bugs me. The weird part is: I used to be a TA in the university, and did a great job. I was able to lecture very well, and got good reviews. But in a social setting, I clam up. However: if I know the people well, I can become quite the life of the party. But when I'm with strangers, I can't just come out of my shell. For example: I could never go to a bar by myself and strike up a meaningful conversation with a strange woman.

sanderjd 14y ago
Saying "shyness is ultimately a symptom of you being uncomfortable with who you are" in the first sentence of the article does not sound like "it's OK; no one wants you to change :)" to me. That is the problem with the article, it presumes that there is something wrong with shy people. It could instead presume that there is something wrong with outgoing people, or that they are simply two equally reasonable ways of being, but it doesn't. It's too bad that it bugs you - your way of being makes sense to me, you open up with those who have put in the time to deserve your openness and don't with those who haven't. Contrary to popular American male belief, pretty much everything in life is more important than being able to go to a bar and talk to a woman you don't know.
- ajays 14y ago
  "Contrary to popular American male belief, pretty much everything in life is more important than being able to go to a bar and talk to a woman you don't know." That may as well be; but not being able to initiate a meaningful conversation with a stranger won't get you into a relationship (if that's what one desires, of course). Once you get out of college and move to a strange town, it's very hard to strike up friendships; especially so if one is a shy person.
  - sanderjd 14y ago
    That is true, but talking with a strange (presumably attractive) woman at a (presumably crowded and loud) bar is at the most uncomfortable extreme of the average shy man's social comfort scale. Friendships and relationships are important, but there are plenty of ways to pursue them that are at the other end of that scale.
  - smsm42 14y ago
    Not really if you approach it correctly. Find people that share interests with you, that enjoy same things you enjoy, etc. - internet makes that much easier. Visit places where such people assemble. Chances are you will encounter some people that you enjoy keeping company with. Then you will discover when you are in a suitable company, you're not shy at all.
smsm42 14y ago
Why you think you would necessarily enjoy conversation with random person you know nothing about, probably share no interests and have no common goals? Unless by "conversation" you don't actually mean conversation...
- ajays 14y ago
  Discovering each others interests and performing an intersection of the two sets is also a conversation ... :)
  - smsm42 14y ago
    Yes, sure, but you may pre-screen before - random selection of people happening to be in a particular bar at particular time is not the promising method. I'm not saying it can't work - I'm just saying it's not the one that people should be crushed if they're not having much success with it. It's like being depressed that playing lottery still didn't make you a billionaire and thinking there must be something wrong with you because of that.

by ajays 14y ago

sanderjd 14y ago

Saying "shyness is ultimately a symptom of you being uncomfortable with who you are" in the first sentence of the article does not sound like "it's OK; no one wants you to change :)" to me. That is the problem with the article, it presumes that there is something wrong with shy people. It could instead presume that there is something wrong with outgoing people, or that they are simply two equally reasonable ways of being, but it doesn't. It's too bad that it bugs you - your way of being makes sense to me, you open up with those who have put in the time to deserve your openness and don't with those who haven't. Contrary to popular American male belief, pretty much everything in life is more important than being able to go to a bar and talk to a woman you don't know.

ajays 14y ago
"Contrary to popular American male belief, pretty much everything in life is more important than being able to go to a bar and talk to a woman you don't know." That may as well be; but not being able to initiate a meaningful conversation with a stranger won't get you into a relationship (if that's what one desires, of course). Once you get out of college and move to a strange town, it's very hard to strike up friendships; especially so if one is a shy person.
- sanderjd 14y ago
  That is true, but talking with a strange (presumably attractive) woman at a (presumably crowded and loud) bar is at the most uncomfortable extreme of the average shy man's social comfort scale. Friendships and relationships are important, but there are plenty of ways to pursue them that are at the other end of that scale.
- smsm42 14y ago
  Not really if you approach it correctly. Find people that share interests with you, that enjoy same things you enjoy, etc. - internet makes that much easier. Visit places where such people assemble. Chances are you will encounter some people that you enjoy keeping company with. Then you will discover when you are in a suitable company, you're not shy at all.

smsm42 14y ago

Why you think you would necessarily enjoy conversation with random person you know nothing about, probably share no interests and have no common goals? Unless by "conversation" you don't actually mean conversation...

ajays 14y ago
Discovering each others interests and performing an intersection of the two sets is also a conversation ... :)
- smsm42 14y ago
  Yes, sure, but you may pre-screen before - random selection of people happening to be in a particular bar at particular time is not the promising method. I'm not saying it can't work - I'm just saying it's not the one that people should be crushed if they're not having much success with it. It's like being depressed that playing lottery still didn't make you a billionaire and thinking there must be something wrong with you because of that.