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> I'm concerned about the fairness of this decision to other team members who have been with us for over a year, contributing significantly to our project. Addi

by abeppu 3y ago

> I'm concerned about the fairness of this decision to other team members who have been with us for over a year, contributing significantly to our project. Additionally, I feel somewhat sidelined, as my friend and the new member often reach consensus without involving me in the preliminary discussions. It sounds like even without the 10%, this already creates an unfair (harassment?) environment for other team members. Even without equity being assigned, the message to your team is "if you manage to become a serious romantic partner or fiancee of one of the founders, you get greater influence and involvement in making important decisions."

cat_plus_plus 3y ago
If someone is willing to sell themselves out by becoming a high end call girl/boy, my main feeling towards them is pity rather than jealousy. I am not implying that's going on in this case, work is also a natural place to get to know someone well.
- abeppu 3y ago
  Work is a natural place to get to know someone, but forming romantic relationships with superiors or subordinates is a minefield, and can be bad for people _other_ than those forming the relationship. Even if no one is "sell(ing) themselves out" (e.g. feelings on both sides are authentic and mutual) for any employee who's been there longer and _doesn't_ have the level of access/involvement as the new fiancee, they're still effectively getting less high level work in part because they didn't form a romantic pairing with their superior. If the marriage is actually going to happen, one of them should work elsewhere. Possibly already enough damage has been done, and one of them should work elsewhere. If their relationship is strong, it will still be strong if they're not also co-founders. If their marriage is going to last the test of time, they may be better off not having both their careers in one company basket. And team members should not need to constantly second guess whether their advancement is dependent on their work or the degree of intimacy of their relationship with their founders.

by abeppu 3y ago

cat_plus_plus 3y ago

If someone is willing to sell themselves out by becoming a high end call girl/boy, my main feeling towards them is pity rather than jealousy. I am not implying that's going on in this case, work is also a natural place to get to know someone well.

abeppu 3y ago
Work is a natural place to get to know someone, but forming romantic relationships with superiors or subordinates is a minefield, and can be bad for people _other_ than those forming the relationship. Even if no one is "sell(ing) themselves out" (e.g. feelings on both sides are authentic and mutual) for any employee who's been there longer and _doesn't_ have the level of access/involvement as the new fiancee, they're still effectively getting less high level work in part because they didn't form a romantic pairing with their superior. If the marriage is actually going to happen, one of them should work elsewhere. Possibly already enough damage has been done, and one of them should work elsewhere. If their relationship is strong, it will still be strong if they're not also co-founders. If their marriage is going to last the test of time, they may be better off not having both their careers in one company basket. And team members should not need to constantly second guess whether their advancement is dependent on their work or the degree of intimacy of their relationship with their founders.