3 ms·

Perhaps talk to your female friends that have been dumped by narcissist boyfriends. Note I am a guy, but I would say the same thing to a guy. I suspect you woul

Perhaps talk to your female friends that have been dumped by narcissist boyfriends. Note I am a guy, but I would say the same thing to a guy. I suspect you would find natural parallels between being betrayed by a co-founder and dealing with getting dumped. It sounds like technically there is little you can do, so from here on it is all about not beating yourself up: try and be as good a friend to yourself as you would be to any of your friends dealing with similar shit. Easy to say, hard to do. There's quite a positive tone to your question - which is a good signal that you'll bounce back. To others: integrity is a key trait in a co-founder. Hard to judge unless you've worked closely with someone or you have the skill to pick it (most don't). All the best. I probably shouldn't even be giving an opinion in such a terrible situation given my level of ignorance about the topic. Please make sure you ignore me if it doesn't ring true to you. PS: I'm not saying give up. If you want to fight then go for it! Picking your fights is important too.

pocomoto 3y ago
Thank you for your comment. Yes, it definitely felt like being cheated. Totally agree about the importance of a co-founder's integrity. But honestly, it doesn't seem like most investors or even employees care much about it. This is the third early stage startup I joined / cofounded. Each time it's been a rollercoaster. The amount of lying, stealing, backstabbing is eye-opening.
- LarsAlereon 3y ago
  This is late, so you might not see this, but I think this is where you start seeing the difference between words and actions. People who you can trust will say something that makes you feel safe and comfortable, and then back those words up with actions. People who are taking advantage of you will always tell you those words but they will never turn into anything actionable. This is similar in a romantic and business partner: someone saying the right things is a good sign, but them living up to what they say is where the proof is.
  - robocat 3y ago
    Beaut advice. Too many grifters saying the right things but doing the wrong things. From what I've seen it's mostly self-deception - grifters often don't always seem to be consciously aware that they are doing it - and they usually can't be confronted about it. The conscious takers seem to eventually come a cropper in my limited experience. I see it play out again and again in relationships between a giver and a taker. The giver keeps giving and the taker keeps taking. Often with both seemingly unaware of what they are doing - and rationally I find the giver is at much at fault as the taker - certainly you see people begin a new relationship with the same destructive roles. As a sweeping generalisation I see more women putting themselves into the giver role, and I see fewer people learn to manage it. I have a 60+ female friend and a 50+ male friend who just avoid all relationships as a way to avoid feeling resentful from giving too much. Giver/giver relationships work but still require care because it's so easy to slip into giver/taker. Not quite as common to see the giving/taking in business settings (in New Zealand at least), although really common to see givers in nursing and teaching.

pocomoto 3y ago

Thank you for your comment. Yes, it definitely felt like being cheated. Totally agree about the importance of a co-founder's integrity. But honestly, it doesn't seem like most investors or even employees care much about it. This is the third early stage startup I joined / cofounded. Each time it's been a rollercoaster. The amount of lying, stealing, backstabbing is eye-opening.

LarsAlereon 3y ago
This is late, so you might not see this, but I think this is where you start seeing the difference between words and actions. People who you can trust will say something that makes you feel safe and comfortable, and then back those words up with actions. People who are taking advantage of you will always tell you those words but they will never turn into anything actionable. This is similar in a romantic and business partner: someone saying the right things is a good sign, but them living up to what they say is where the proof is.
- robocat 3y ago
  Beaut advice. Too many grifters saying the right things but doing the wrong things. From what I've seen it's mostly self-deception - grifters often don't always seem to be consciously aware that they are doing it - and they usually can't be confronted about it. The conscious takers seem to eventually come a cropper in my limited experience. I see it play out again and again in relationships between a giver and a taker. The giver keeps giving and the taker keeps taking. Often with both seemingly unaware of what they are doing - and rationally I find the giver is at much at fault as the taker - certainly you see people begin a new relationship with the same destructive roles. As a sweeping generalisation I see more women putting themselves into the giver role, and I see fewer people learn to manage it. I have a 60+ female friend and a 50+ male friend who just avoid all relationships as a way to avoid feeling resentful from giving too much. Giver/giver relationships work but still require care because it's so easy to slip into giver/taker. Not quite as common to see the giving/taking in business settings (in New Zealand at least), although really common to see givers in nursing and teaching.