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As much as I contributed to my kids growing up under a ceaseless adult presence, I was a bad father. In doing this I deprived them of irreplaceable opportunitie

As much as I contributed to my kids growing up under a ceaseless adult presence, I was a bad father. In doing this I deprived them of irreplaceable opportunities to learn self-actuation, learn social problem-solving and earn confidence. As far as I acted on a baseless fear that they were at meaningful risk of stranger kidnapping, I was a stupid father. That's mostly a different kind of bad father but whatever.

oschvr 3y ago
First time father here and curious about your comment. Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father?
- WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
  > Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father? I mostly label myself a father. There would always have been bad parts but these stand out. They're bad fathering. As far as grounds for my complaint, my children needed a steady diet of adult free hours. I mostly failed to recognize it, prioritize it and act accordingly.
forgetfreeman 3y ago
Learn social problem solving with who? There are -no- unsupervised children anymore, anywhere. No sense in kicking yourself, there are no opportunities for the kind of play older generations engaged in available to kids these days.
- bowsamic 3y ago
  That’s just plainly false. In my city (Hamburg) I see 8 year olds taking the public transport alone and playing in the streets (no ones with cars) without supervision. I think you extrapolated too far
  - twojobsoneboss 3y ago
    Europe is different than the US. Childhood is still much more healthy there
    - goatlover 3y ago
      Wonder if it has anything to do with the lack of Satanic Panic in the late 20th century. Also, the oversized number of well-known serial killers from around that time in the US.
      - twojobsoneboss 3y ago
        Whatever it was, they really screwed it up for all of us. Parenting is so much harder than it needs to be and children are so much less balanced as a result. They share a big blame for the birth rate decline.
      - forgetfreeman 3y ago
        I doubt it on both counts. People doing weird awful shit is hardly a modern phenomenon and yet prior generations felt no particular need to guard their children around the clock.
        bowsamic 3y ago
        Probably because it wasn’t really possible before. Now there is a lot of technology making that easy. One of Apple’s big use cases that they sell is the ability to streamline being an overprotective parent
        forgetfreeman 3y ago
        stares in child labor I feel like you never spent any time listening to your great grandparents talk about growing up.
        bowsamic 3y ago
- brewdad 3y ago
  Not true. Probably 10 years ago my kid and two friends played in each other’s yards mostly unsupervised. Only led to one ER visit with a scratched cornea (my kid). But yeah, mostly there are always parent(s) around. 40 years ago I’d disappear for hours with my friends every day in the summer. That doesn’t happen much today.
  - forgetfreeman 3y ago
    Not true? Ok, when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store, convenience store, or local blue plate joint, with a gaggle of obviously unsupervised kids inside? For that matter when was the last time you saw a group of obviously unsupervised kids anywhere? It's telling that you think a couple kids hanging out in their own yards clears the bar here. If I were to hand my 11 year old a hundred bucks and tell him to be back at sunset how long do you recon it would take before I got a phone call or a visit from the police?
    - defrost 3y ago
      > when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store, Every school day after three in the afternoon - so, half an hour ago (it being 3:30 pm here in Australia GMT+8). I can't speak to your 11 year old, but I'm happy leaving my grandkids with money .. typically I've let them (and my kids when younger, nieces, nephews, et al) pull molten glass from a furnace from 5 onwards (with half an eye watching from not too far away), relatively unsupervised after they've left primary school. First year high school is typically 12 or so (IIRC). Chainsaws, angle grinders, etc. are definitely a high school thing, as is riding bikes to the beach and free diving with a gidgee .. as long as they bring back fish.
      - forgetfreeman 3y ago
        As covered elsewhere in this thread this is a uniquely American issue. Sit down, we know we have a problem.
dclowd9901 3y ago
That second one, god damn it grinds my gears. For some reason, here in Phoenix, we had a constant gossipy murmur about kids getting stolen out of Target parking lots right out if their parents carts or even cars. No news stories, but you’d always hear some (white) woman claim someone “almost” kidnapped their friend’s kid just the other day. When you dig even slightly deeper, it sounds more like someone of color just happened to be walking by as they loaded up their kid in their car. The kidnapping thing doesn’t happen like that. Not in the US. It happens to vulnerable families at the border who pay unscrupulous coyotes to bring them over.
- raverbashing 3y ago
  Might ask how much of these "almost kidnappings" are just another Karen with main character syndrome mindless thinking any kid around them are their kid
  - dclowd9901 3y ago
    In the range of 99.99% I’d wager.

oschvr 3y ago

First time father here and curious about your comment. Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father?

WarOnPrivacy 3y ago
> Can you elaborate on what was are your grounds for labeling yourself as a bad father? I mostly label myself a father. There would always have been bad parts but these stand out. They're bad fathering. As far as grounds for my complaint, my children needed a steady diet of adult free hours. I mostly failed to recognize it, prioritize it and act accordingly.

forgetfreeman 3y ago

Learn social problem solving with who? There are -no- unsupervised children anymore, anywhere. No sense in kicking yourself, there are no opportunities for the kind of play older generations engaged in available to kids these days.

bowsamic 3y ago
That’s just plainly false. In my city (Hamburg) I see 8 year olds taking the public transport alone and playing in the streets (no ones with cars) without supervision. I think you extrapolated too far
- twojobsoneboss 3y ago
  Europe is different than the US. Childhood is still much more healthy there
  - goatlover 3y ago
    Wonder if it has anything to do with the lack of Satanic Panic in the late 20th century. Also, the oversized number of well-known serial killers from around that time in the US.
    - twojobsoneboss 3y ago
      Whatever it was, they really screwed it up for all of us. Parenting is so much harder than it needs to be and children are so much less balanced as a result. They share a big blame for the birth rate decline.
    - forgetfreeman 3y ago
      I doubt it on both counts. People doing weird awful shit is hardly a modern phenomenon and yet prior generations felt no particular need to guard their children around the clock.
      - bowsamic 3y ago
        Probably because it wasn’t really possible before. Now there is a lot of technology making that easy. One of Apple’s big use cases that they sell is the ability to streamline being an overprotective parent
        forgetfreeman 3y ago
        stares in child labor I feel like you never spent any time listening to your great grandparents talk about growing up.
        bowsamic 3y ago
brewdad 3y ago
Not true. Probably 10 years ago my kid and two friends played in each other’s yards mostly unsupervised. Only led to one ER visit with a scratched cornea (my kid). But yeah, mostly there are always parent(s) around. 40 years ago I’d disappear for hours with my friends every day in the summer. That doesn’t happen much today.
- forgetfreeman 3y ago
  Not true? Ok, when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store, convenience store, or local blue plate joint, with a gaggle of obviously unsupervised kids inside? For that matter when was the last time you saw a group of obviously unsupervised kids anywhere? It's telling that you think a couple kids hanging out in their own yards clears the bar here. If I were to hand my 11 year old a hundred bucks and tell him to be back at sunset how long do you recon it would take before I got a phone call or a visit from the police?
  - defrost 3y ago
    > when was the last time you saw a collection of kid-sized bicycles outside the local grocery store, Every school day after three in the afternoon - so, half an hour ago (it being 3:30 pm here in Australia GMT+8). I can't speak to your 11 year old, but I'm happy leaving my grandkids with money .. typically I've let them (and my kids when younger, nieces, nephews, et al) pull molten glass from a furnace from 5 onwards (with half an eye watching from not too far away), relatively unsupervised after they've left primary school. First year high school is typically 12 or so (IIRC). Chainsaws, angle grinders, etc. are definitely a high school thing, as is riding bikes to the beach and free diving with a gidgee .. as long as they bring back fish.
    - forgetfreeman 3y ago
      As covered elsewhere in this thread this is a uniquely American issue. Sit down, we know we have a problem.

dclowd9901 3y ago

That second one, god damn it grinds my gears. For some reason, here in Phoenix, we had a constant gossipy murmur about kids getting stolen out of Target parking lots right out if their parents carts or even cars. No news stories, but you’d always hear some (white) woman claim someone “almost” kidnapped their friend’s kid just the other day. When you dig even slightly deeper, it sounds more like someone of color just happened to be walking by as they loaded up their kid in their car. The kidnapping thing doesn’t happen like that. Not in the US. It happens to vulnerable families at the border who pay unscrupulous coyotes to bring them over.

raverbashing 3y ago
Might ask how much of these "almost kidnappings" are just another Karen with main character syndrome mindless thinking any kid around them are their kid
- dclowd9901 3y ago
  In the range of 99.99% I’d wager.