thanks. but i am not sure if it counts, as i rarely go back to actually reread stuff. i am just writing what i have to deal with anyways, as it happens. i mean

thanks. but i am not sure if it counts, as i rarely go back to actually reread stuff. i am just writing what i have to deal with anyways, as it happens. i mean to say that if i do have the strength to deal with such events, being able to write about it in my diary is not necessarily an indication of that. it rather manifests in other ways. if i may say so, i sense a certain "i wish i had the strength to do that" in your comment. i am afraid that what comes across as strength is rather a weakness, a sort of inability to be affected by these events. it took me decades to understand where that comes from, and still has me wonder, why.