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This is what it feels like to be me and I'm a male programmer. I get slightly different responses of course. Like "that's not smart; why do you need to know tha

by delinka 15y ago

This is what it feels like to be me and I'm a male programmer. I get slightly different responses of course. Like "that's not smart; why do you need to know that?" and it has affected my self esteem during my entire career. When I've run against the same wall for hours and repeatedly received this response from co-workers, I finally decide to monopolize their time for half an hour explaining the problem. And we discover I was indeed headed down the right path and Mr. MoreExperienceThanYou didn't know the answer anyway. Nothing quite so frustrating as a group of "experienced" people jumping on the "n00b" and telling them that they're on the wrong path only to discover the neck-beard-wannabes couldn't think past their own limited codebase. The industry is full of ego. And I've have to learn to code alone to avoid working with assholes.

catastrophallie 15y ago
Coding alone can be hard for anyone. I liked this article because I know there are countless men and women who feel this way. It seemed like a good cross gender way of explaining some of the frustrations of not fitting in the club. don't give up!
Mz 15y ago
I doubt that is specific to programming or really about ego. In the movie "Erin Brokovich", Erin gets treated that way when she asks questions. It turns out they most likely did not answer her because they had no explanation and it was just convenient to treat her like she was stupid rather than admit they were.
- delinka 15y ago
  You are correct that it's not limited to our industry. I run into these kinds of people in many other places in my life. And if I've ever needed to spend any amount of time working with them, I prefer to work alone, interacting only when absolutely necessary. As to Erin Brokovich, she's an excellent example of confidence without ego. It's been difficult for me to cultivate confidence in the presence of others - I was never actually encouraged as a child (sometimes passively discouraged- "why would you want to do that? plenty of other people are doing that.") And apparently it's not common practice to encourage each other as adults.
  - Mz 15y ago
    FWIW: I was one of the most adorable 3 year olds in the history of the universe and a bit of a social butterfly. It helped me not one whit with such things. I still get told "you can't do that!" to which I often feel like replying "you keep using that word. Given I have already done it, I do not think it means what you think it means." You have likely heard of "Imposter Syndrome". Excess competence might be part of your problem.
  - deleted 15y ago
    [deleted]

by delinka 15y ago

catastrophallie 15y ago

Coding alone can be hard for anyone. I liked this article because I know there are countless men and women who feel this way. It seemed like a good cross gender way of explaining some of the frustrations of not fitting in the club. don't give up!

Mz 15y ago

I doubt that is specific to programming or really about ego. In the movie "Erin Brokovich", Erin gets treated that way when she asks questions. It turns out they most likely did not answer her because they had no explanation and it was just convenient to treat her like she was stupid rather than admit they were.

delinka 15y ago
You are correct that it's not limited to our industry. I run into these kinds of people in many other places in my life. And if I've ever needed to spend any amount of time working with them, I prefer to work alone, interacting only when absolutely necessary. As to Erin Brokovich, she's an excellent example of confidence without ego. It's been difficult for me to cultivate confidence in the presence of others - I was never actually encouraged as a child (sometimes passively discouraged- "why would you want to do that? plenty of other people are doing that.") And apparently it's not common practice to encourage each other as adults.
- Mz 15y ago
  FWIW: I was one of the most adorable 3 year olds in the history of the universe and a bit of a social butterfly. It helped me not one whit with such things. I still get told "you can't do that!" to which I often feel like replying "you keep using that word. Given I have already done it, I do not think it means what you think it means." You have likely heard of "Imposter Syndrome". Excess competence might be part of your problem.
- deleted 15y ago
  [deleted]