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Nah, people don’t think and get stuck in the funnel. Tinder is play to play. Pay for “gold” for one week, go incognito and swipe selectively. Then go dark (aka

Nah, people don’t think and get stuck in the funnel. Tinder is play to play. Pay for “gold” for one week, go incognito and swipe selectively. Then go dark (aka pause the account) for a few weeks. I yield probably 1 in 5 match. I’m a mid 40s decent looking guy with a few headshots. Did it a couple of rounds and met someone awesome. They prioritize new upgraders for exposure, but it wears off quickly to make you buy boosts. Key tips: - Avoid profiles that are too good, especially pictures. Nothing worse than professional daters. - Look for undervalued assets! Sometimes modest or poorly shot pictures don’t jump out. - Pretend you’re speaking to a crowd with your profile. Keep it light and vague. The goal is a connection, so adding filter material only hurts you. - Keep the pictures of you and simple. No groups, kids, fish, flexing a Porsche that isn’t yours, etc. Don’t try to tell a pictorial story, few will get it. - On the flip avoid people dumping details. You won’t beat a checklist. - Have a healthy hell no. It doesn’t matter how hot she is. In jail, substance abuse, things that are issues for you are issues. If you can’t deal with single parents, etc. Swipe left. - If you’re not into or curious about ENM, kink, etc, and thats in the profile, swipe left. Dating sites are like smoking. They’ll lure you into the little dopamine hits of swiping. The way to win that game is not to play. You want 1-2 matches while wasting as little time as possible. If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat.

andrewflnr 3y ago
> Pay for “gold” for one week, go incognito and swipe selectively. Then go dark (aka pause the account) for a few weeks. I yield probably 1 in 5 match. I don't understand this. At what stage does anyone else see your profile? Can they see it while you're paused?
- Spooky23 3y ago
  When you are incognito, only people you swipe see you. Once you match, your matches can still see and communicate with you in app. Be strategic. Everything happens during that one week subscription. Once you match, pause and go figure out if they are a good person for you, if you don’t, pause anyway and wait a bit. Checking tinder shouldn’t be like checking email. Do it deliberately.
  - phkahler 3y ago
    I agree with everything in your first comment. But want to extra agree that "pause" is really important. It's impossible to manage a bunch of matches. Focus on one or two and move those along or cut them loose if they're not doing the same. Your comment about the "No" is probably the hardest of the obvious advice to follow. Casting a wide net just distracts from what you really want - it's hoping for something.
  - andrewflnr 3y ago
    Gotcha, I thought you were getting matches after/during the pause. Makes sense. And IMO checking email should be deliberate, too.
mettamage 3y ago
> If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. I am a counter example. I liked about 1 in 20 chats. It took 300 matches. I took 100 hours to optimize my profile. I went from 5 matches per month to 150 matches per month. It took a long time to get good pictures that women found attractive. I went through 100s of different pictures and gathered a lot of feedback (there are websites). The problem isn’t me since I am now in an amazing relationship. It’s okay to be a bit picky, as long as you put in a lot of effort yourself. I agree with the rest.
- Spooky23 3y ago
  Totally. You have to do you. I probably expressed that poorly. “Problem” was the wrong word! It’s probably better to say you’re not finding what you want… but do you know what that is?
- HaZeust 3y ago
  Indeed. Especially when learning the lay of the dating apps land, and understanding the lowest-common denominators that the most amount of people would bite on. "Just to look and feel like this, it took a long time"
- oarfish 3y ago
  > It took a long time to get good pictures that women found attractive. I went through 100s of different pictures and gathered a lot of feedback (there are websites). What exactly does that mean? There's services that "rate your profile"? What do those "good pictures" look like then?
  - mettamage 3y ago
    I wish I could tell you. Every time I upload a picture thinking it is going to be a home run, it would always be a 5 out of 10. Only 5 pictures made it past the 8 out of 10. I used photofeeler.com
verticalscaler 3y ago
> Tinder is play to play You said it man. And so are most people on it. Used to be a term for that sort of thing. > If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. Or you know, you're using Tinder in earnest and it is the McDonalds-of-humans. Try to remember how people used to be before this app and instagram and the Kardashians. My healthy hell no is to simply not take people who participate in this culture seriously in the first place. There are still physically attractive women out there who read a good book occasionally and don't have any of this shit installed. Hard to find but they exist. All things being equal pretty obvious whom you would pick. I use Tinder occasionally just like I eat McDonalds or a Doner Kebab - it isn't real food fit for human consumption. Only if you are drunk or as an absolute last resort.
- meinheld111 3y ago
  Imho döner is a healthier diet than the average
atoav 3y ago
> If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. Or you live in area, where everybody is indeed awful. I am in a happy 15 year relationship, but before that I lived in a remote shithole and yeah, I was the issue, because I didn't share a local culture with a niveau so low that hurts my brain when I even think about it. It is totally possible that the type of person you are into wouldn't touch online dating with a ten foot pole. And that case you would only find those who are not your type and you are better off just going to places where you might meet them (e.g. gallery openings, etc.) But yeah, if that isn't the case and the fault is constantly with others some introspection might be in order, e.g. some people tend to sabotage themselves. They are afraid to get hurt, so instead of trting and potentially failing they make up some reason why it is not a fit.

andrewflnr 3y ago

> Pay for “gold” for one week, go incognito and swipe selectively. Then go dark (aka pause the account) for a few weeks. I yield probably 1 in 5 match. I don't understand this. At what stage does anyone else see your profile? Can they see it while you're paused?

Spooky23 3y ago
When you are incognito, only people you swipe see you. Once you match, your matches can still see and communicate with you in app. Be strategic. Everything happens during that one week subscription. Once you match, pause and go figure out if they are a good person for you, if you don’t, pause anyway and wait a bit. Checking tinder shouldn’t be like checking email. Do it deliberately.
- phkahler 3y ago
  I agree with everything in your first comment. But want to extra agree that "pause" is really important. It's impossible to manage a bunch of matches. Focus on one or two and move those along or cut them loose if they're not doing the same. Your comment about the "No" is probably the hardest of the obvious advice to follow. Casting a wide net just distracts from what you really want - it's hoping for something.
- andrewflnr 3y ago
  Gotcha, I thought you were getting matches after/during the pause. Makes sense. And IMO checking email should be deliberate, too.

mettamage 3y ago

> If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. I am a counter example. I liked about 1 in 20 chats. It took 300 matches. I took 100 hours to optimize my profile. I went from 5 matches per month to 150 matches per month. It took a long time to get good pictures that women found attractive. I went through 100s of different pictures and gathered a lot of feedback (there are websites). The problem isn’t me since I am now in an amazing relationship. It’s okay to be a bit picky, as long as you put in a lot of effort yourself. I agree with the rest.

Spooky23 3y ago
Totally. You have to do you. I probably expressed that poorly. “Problem” was the wrong word! It’s probably better to say you’re not finding what you want… but do you know what that is?
HaZeust 3y ago
Indeed. Especially when learning the lay of the dating apps land, and understanding the lowest-common denominators that the most amount of people would bite on. "Just to look and feel like this, it took a long time"
oarfish 3y ago
> It took a long time to get good pictures that women found attractive. I went through 100s of different pictures and gathered a lot of feedback (there are websites). What exactly does that mean? There's services that "rate your profile"? What do those "good pictures" look like then?
- mettamage 3y ago
  I wish I could tell you. Every time I upload a picture thinking it is going to be a home run, it would always be a 5 out of 10. Only 5 pictures made it past the 8 out of 10. I used photofeeler.com

verticalscaler 3y ago

> Tinder is play to play You said it man. And so are most people on it. Used to be a term for that sort of thing. > If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. Or you know, you're using Tinder in earnest and it is the McDonalds-of-humans. Try to remember how people used to be before this app and instagram and the Kardashians. My healthy hell no is to simply not take people who participate in this culture seriously in the first place. There are still physically attractive women out there who read a good book occasionally and don't have any of this shit installed. Hard to find but they exist. All things being equal pretty obvious whom you would pick. I use Tinder occasionally just like I eat McDonalds or a Doner Kebab - it isn't real food fit for human consumption. Only if you are drunk or as an absolute last resort.

meinheld111 3y ago
Imho döner is a healthier diet than the average

atoav 3y ago

> If you have spoken to more than a half dozen people and everyone is awful, the problem is you. Figure out what you want, rinse, repeat. Or you live in area, where everybody is indeed awful. I am in a happy 15 year relationship, but before that I lived in a remote shithole and yeah, I was the issue, because I didn't share a local culture with a niveau so low that hurts my brain when I even think about it. It is totally possible that the type of person you are into wouldn't touch online dating with a ten foot pole. And that case you would only find those who are not your type and you are better off just going to places where you might meet them (e.g. gallery openings, etc.) But yeah, if that isn't the case and the fault is constantly with others some introspection might be in order, e.g. some people tend to sabotage themselves. They are afraid to get hurt, so instead of trting and potentially failing they make up some reason why it is not a fit.