"The argument against ABA is exactly that it looks like it works from the perspective of the (neurotypical) parents, but the kids feel like they're basically to

"The argument against ABA is exactly that it looks like it works from the perspective of the (neurotypical) parents, but the kids feel like they're basically tortured until they behave like their parents and society expects them to. To be something they aren't, be forced in to a box where you just don't fit, until they do." That's because it was misapplied - it's not about fitting in. When parents use this to make their kid "normal" of course it will be like torture. This is supposed to be for getting people to a survivable level, eg non-verbal improving to "tooth hurts". If you're already to the level of getting by mostly independently, this is not the correct intervention. It's like prescribing an opioid for a minor ache. Opioids get misused and demonized, but they do have valid applications.