I have sort of deliberately not done a deep dive on ADHD and autism, mostly because I don't want to appropriate conditions that I maybe don't have. But deep dow

I have sort of deliberately not done a deep dive on ADHD and autism, mostly because I don't want to appropriate conditions that I maybe don't have. But deep down I feel that I had stereotypical Bart Simpson ADD in the 80s, before it was widely known or medicated. I simultaneously got my name on the chalkboard with 3-4 checkmarks every single day, while acing exams and daydreaming out of the window because I was so profoundly bored. I was hyper then, but today am more on the inattentive side. Anyway, I'm curious if others have had luck rewiring their brains. I discovered drinking and partying in the late 90s at college and became a different person. Then spent nearly the entirety of the 2000s in such a deep dark depression that my psyche had to reboot my physical brain and body to save itself. My belief systems have changed so many times that this feels like roughly my 7th life within this incarnation. It's like being an alien on Earth, or constantly reliving the shin conditioning scene on The Accountant (I can't find a YouTube version): https://coub.com/view/1to75k https://coub.com/view/1to75k My experience of daily life now is performative. From the time I wake up until I go to bed, I'm in motion when I want to stop and rest. I'm talking when I want to remain silent. I'm silent when I want to talk. I'm interrupted constantly when all I want peace. I'm so terribly alone in the company of others. I'm thinking about transcendence when discussing the weather. It's an unending onslaught to the senses, a yearning for beauty in an ugly world, an exhaustion and boredom when I should be having fun. A separation between what my life is and what it could be that is so vast that the only things that saved me were silencing all internal monologue and just being in the now in gratitude of conscious awareness. Because my main association with the 3D material world is pain and suffering. And yet, maybe I've just arrived. Novelty in the world seems to be on the rise again. We're going through a flipping where victims are being lifted above their attackers. The meek seem to be inheriting the Earth. The powerful are looking increasingly weak in a spiritual sense, out of touch, like they haven't aged well in this new era. Where I'm going with this is, can our position on the spectrum be changed? Or are we where we're at for life, unable to integrate with the mainstream if our "condition" is too fringe? Is that adaptability what distinguishes ADHD from autism? Or do I have it backwards, that autistic people are capable in ways the rest of us can't even imagine, and maybe we're the ones who can't adapt?