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An actually good date is worth potentially hundreds of dollars. I’m surprised there isn’t an app which meets this need. Yes there is “The League” but even that

An actually good date is worth potentially hundreds of dollars. I’m surprised there isn’t an app which meets this need. Yes there is “The League” but even that is just a more exclusive Tinder. No, make a matchmaker app for high paying customers that uses human curation. $500 for 3 dates.

glimshe 3y ago
eHarmony, where I met my spouse, used to be like this in the 2000s. $249 for 3 months of access, they chose the dates for you (after filling out an extensive, 1-hour questionnaire) and you could NOT search. It was a digital version of a very old school, professional matchmaker. I remember getting an average of 1 match per week (no date guaranteed from a match, it just afforded you the possibility of communication, both sides had to agree to it after reviewing the traditional writeup and pics).
- unsignedint 3y ago
  After dedicating an hour to completing eHarmony's extensive questionnaire, I was unexpectedly informed that there were no matches available for me, resulting in my inability to join their service. While initially disheartening, I appreciate eHarmony's honesty and their decision not to charge me the $249 membership fee given the lack of potential matches. This transparency is commendable, although the experience ultimately led me to discontinue my pursuit of online dating altogether.
  - sctb 3y ago
    I'm sorry to hear that; of course it would've been be disheartening! If you're interested in sharing, I'm curious if you speculated at the time why that might have been the case (e.g. where you live, unique interests, etc.), and how you went about things after that experience.
    - unsignedint 3y ago
      My ethnic background, despite not imposing significant restrictions on my preferences, may have influenced the outcome. Additionally, my friend pointed out that my atheistic/agnostic stance could have further narrowed my potential pool of matches, possibly eliminating up to half of the available candidates.
      - shiroiushi 3y ago
        Back in those days, eHarmony was almost exclusively for Christians, since it was founded by a devout Christian guy. It's a little less so these days, but it still has that reputation and the users there are much more likely to be religious than other dating apps I think. I tried it for a little while about 5 years ago and found it to be a waste of time and quit.
dhosek 3y ago
There was such a service in Chicago in the 90s. I think it might have been more than $500 though (and that would have been in 1990 dollars). I don’t remember if I saw the ads in the Chicago Tribune or the alt-weekly Chicago Reader. I’m not sure, though, that even though the good date being worth potentially hundreds of dollars would lead to most people being willing to spend those hundreds of dollars. When I was a young man, there was a lot of stigma about having met people through personals (the pre-app version of dating apps) or the early years of internet dating. I think probably the '00s was the peak period for social acceptability and quality of matches.
thimp 3y ago
Careful now. A bad one cost me $500k after 20 years.
- red-iron-pine 3y ago
  25k a year? cheaper than a boat
  - thimp 3y ago
    You're not the first person to tell me that.
- robocat 3y ago
  But a friend earned $500k after 20 years. Average out both sides of the transaction.
- mancerayder 3y ago
  What level is that for an IC Engineer at Google for one year including RSUs? I think there's a spreadsheet floating around. Small potatoes in SV!
neaden 3y ago
The question here is, does a matchmaker actually have better results in terms of matching then a dating app or other methods? Historically they only really seem to work when the culture around them supports their use and people assume they're going to marry someone they don't know well rather then date for a few years.
ben7799 3y ago
This kind of thing has actually existed for a long time. They predated dating sites and had even worked off paper as far as I understand. The problem is they cost a lot more, and still had basically zero guarantee of any success. IIRC they were so expensive most single people would have trouble affording them. I met my wife on eHarmony back when it was relatively new. I had tried one of the non-computerized matching services at some point and it was like 4x what Match or eHarmony cost and it was a pretty poor service. I probably tried Match in 2000 for the first time? Had a lot of bad first dates on various sites between 2000-2005. Like 50+ people I never went on a second date with? Back then tech wasn't cool. You could hit it off with someone and then they'd literally get up and leave when they found out your job. I also tried speed dating, that was popular for a while. It was like a meetup where you talked to different people for 10 minutes each and then at the end checked off on a paper if you were interested in someone you met and if you matched with someone the organizer sent you each other's contact info. I ended up trying all this cause when I finished college I moved to a new place. I basically knew no one. And at my first job I was like 23 and there was not a single other person under 30 in the division, it was even hard to find people to hang out with as friends. Working as an engineer was very different for me then.
- sss111 3y ago
  do you have any advice for someone who's just finished college and moved to a new place, its really hard to find people to hang out as friends.
  - ben7799 3y ago
    You want to look for some kind of social hobby that naturally attracts a wide range of people, both men and women, is in person, and makes you happy regardless of whether you're actually meeting people. Certain sports qualify. Volunteer groups can qualify. Some hobbies work. For sports today the rock climbing community is very inclusive and the sport naturally causes people to get to know each other since you can't climb with ropes in most places without pairing up with someone. The whole gym culture of rock climbing didn't really exist yet when I was in my early 20s.
spogbiper 3y ago
There are services like this. "It's Just Lunch" is one example. It costs more than $500 though.
francisofascii 3y ago
I tend to agree it is worth a lot. So maybe we need people like recruiters who mask the identities but provide a bit of detail to do the matchmaking. I think of friends and acquaintances to be a good (or at least better than most) mediator of matchmaking, because they know people who might fit well with you. This would be an extension of that.
presentation 3y ago
Don’t write off the power of making a more exclusive Tinder. I wrote about it in a separate comment [1] but the nature of a dating app will be strongly determined by the barriers to entry in front of it. Just turns out that the barrier to entry that The League introduces is not one that may select for the type of people you are interested in. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39363021 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39363021
BeFlatXIII 3y ago
It's also populated with the kind of people who pay $500 for 3 dates. Where's the appeal?
xyzelement 3y ago
Back in my single days a woman approached me on OkCupid saying she was a matchmaker and I was a good candidate for her client. I rejected the client but consented in being in their database and once in a while they would ask if I was interested in going on a date with one of their customers (I guess this was either a service where only women paid, or I at the very least wasn't a customer they were working for but connected with me when it made sense for them.) What I quickly realized is that it's still not a great model. The match maker promised the women at least X dates per month, and the benefit was that setting them up with me let them check off that box (I am professional, good looking, not crazy, etc.) but I ended up declining to meet these women, or after a first date. The reason is that as paying customers of the match maker, they were also a bit too far into the "oh shit it's almost too late territory" and wasn't what I was looking for. I guess the point I am making is that the high paid matchmaker can screen-out the obvious shit for you, but the flip side is you're now "someone who needs a match maker" and that's limiting too. Coincidentally, I met my wife pretty randomly on a swipe. Had an OK date with her, but decided she was a good woman so I called her back. After our second date I decided to give it a real go, and deleted the apps. Two kids now.

glimshe 3y ago

eHarmony, where I met my spouse, used to be like this in the 2000s. $249 for 3 months of access, they chose the dates for you (after filling out an extensive, 1-hour questionnaire) and you could NOT search. It was a digital version of a very old school, professional matchmaker. I remember getting an average of 1 match per week (no date guaranteed from a match, it just afforded you the possibility of communication, both sides had to agree to it after reviewing the traditional writeup and pics).

unsignedint 3y ago
After dedicating an hour to completing eHarmony's extensive questionnaire, I was unexpectedly informed that there were no matches available for me, resulting in my inability to join their service. While initially disheartening, I appreciate eHarmony's honesty and their decision not to charge me the $249 membership fee given the lack of potential matches. This transparency is commendable, although the experience ultimately led me to discontinue my pursuit of online dating altogether.
- sctb 3y ago
  I'm sorry to hear that; of course it would've been be disheartening! If you're interested in sharing, I'm curious if you speculated at the time why that might have been the case (e.g. where you live, unique interests, etc.), and how you went about things after that experience.
  - unsignedint 3y ago
    My ethnic background, despite not imposing significant restrictions on my preferences, may have influenced the outcome. Additionally, my friend pointed out that my atheistic/agnostic stance could have further narrowed my potential pool of matches, possibly eliminating up to half of the available candidates.
    - shiroiushi 3y ago
      Back in those days, eHarmony was almost exclusively for Christians, since it was founded by a devout Christian guy. It's a little less so these days, but it still has that reputation and the users there are much more likely to be religious than other dating apps I think. I tried it for a little while about 5 years ago and found it to be a waste of time and quit.

dhosek 3y ago

There was such a service in Chicago in the 90s. I think it might have been more than $500 though (and that would have been in 1990 dollars). I don’t remember if I saw the ads in the Chicago Tribune or the alt-weekly Chicago Reader. I’m not sure, though, that even though the good date being worth potentially hundreds of dollars would lead to most people being willing to spend those hundreds of dollars. When I was a young man, there was a lot of stigma about having met people through personals (the pre-app version of dating apps) or the early years of internet dating. I think probably the '00s was the peak period for social acceptability and quality of matches.

thimp 3y ago

Careful now. A bad one cost me $500k after 20 years.

red-iron-pine 3y ago
25k a year? cheaper than a boat
- thimp 3y ago
  You're not the first person to tell me that.
robocat 3y ago
But a friend earned $500k after 20 years. Average out both sides of the transaction.
mancerayder 3y ago
What level is that for an IC Engineer at Google for one year including RSUs? I think there's a spreadsheet floating around. Small potatoes in SV!

neaden 3y ago

The question here is, does a matchmaker actually have better results in terms of matching then a dating app or other methods? Historically they only really seem to work when the culture around them supports their use and people assume they're going to marry someone they don't know well rather then date for a few years.

ben7799 3y ago

This kind of thing has actually existed for a long time. They predated dating sites and had even worked off paper as far as I understand. The problem is they cost a lot more, and still had basically zero guarantee of any success. IIRC they were so expensive most single people would have trouble affording them. I met my wife on eHarmony back when it was relatively new. I had tried one of the non-computerized matching services at some point and it was like 4x what Match or eHarmony cost and it was a pretty poor service. I probably tried Match in 2000 for the first time? Had a lot of bad first dates on various sites between 2000-2005. Like 50+ people I never went on a second date with? Back then tech wasn't cool. You could hit it off with someone and then they'd literally get up and leave when they found out your job. I also tried speed dating, that was popular for a while. It was like a meetup where you talked to different people for 10 minutes each and then at the end checked off on a paper if you were interested in someone you met and if you matched with someone the organizer sent you each other's contact info. I ended up trying all this cause when I finished college I moved to a new place. I basically knew no one. And at my first job I was like 23 and there was not a single other person under 30 in the division, it was even hard to find people to hang out with as friends. Working as an engineer was very different for me then.

sss111 3y ago
do you have any advice for someone who's just finished college and moved to a new place, its really hard to find people to hang out as friends.
- ben7799 3y ago
  You want to look for some kind of social hobby that naturally attracts a wide range of people, both men and women, is in person, and makes you happy regardless of whether you're actually meeting people. Certain sports qualify. Volunteer groups can qualify. Some hobbies work. For sports today the rock climbing community is very inclusive and the sport naturally causes people to get to know each other since you can't climb with ropes in most places without pairing up with someone. The whole gym culture of rock climbing didn't really exist yet when I was in my early 20s.

spogbiper 3y ago

There are services like this. "It's Just Lunch" is one example. It costs more than $500 though.

francisofascii 3y ago

I tend to agree it is worth a lot. So maybe we need people like recruiters who mask the identities but provide a bit of detail to do the matchmaking. I think of friends and acquaintances to be a good (or at least better than most) mediator of matchmaking, because they know people who might fit well with you. This would be an extension of that.

presentation 3y ago

Don’t write off the power of making a more exclusive Tinder. I wrote about it in a separate comment [1] but the nature of a dating app will be strongly determined by the barriers to entry in front of it. Just turns out that the barrier to entry that The League introduces is not one that may select for the type of people you are interested in. [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39363021 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=39363021

BeFlatXIII 3y ago

It's also populated with the kind of people who pay $500 for 3 dates. Where's the appeal?

xyzelement 3y ago

Back in my single days a woman approached me on OkCupid saying she was a matchmaker and I was a good candidate for her client. I rejected the client but consented in being in their database and once in a while they would ask if I was interested in going on a date with one of their customers (I guess this was either a service where only women paid, or I at the very least wasn't a customer they were working for but connected with me when it made sense for them.) What I quickly realized is that it's still not a great model. The match maker promised the women at least X dates per month, and the benefit was that setting them up with me let them check off that box (I am professional, good looking, not crazy, etc.) but I ended up declining to meet these women, or after a first date. The reason is that as paying customers of the match maker, they were also a bit too far into the "oh shit it's almost too late territory" and wasn't what I was looking for. I guess the point I am making is that the high paid matchmaker can screen-out the obvious shit for you, but the flip side is you're now "someone who needs a match maker" and that's limiting too. Coincidentally, I met my wife pretty randomly on a swipe. Had an OK date with her, but decided she was a good woman so I called her back. After our second date I decided to give it a real go, and deleted the apps. Two kids now.