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> Dating apps at 45 are a literal fucking cesspool. Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for

> Dating apps at 45 are a literal fucking cesspool. Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. I haven’t found a new partner and am just a few months in but have met nice people and relationships. As an introvert I like being able to better filter and identify people who are potentially compatible. I’m a man in a 10M metro area looking for long term relationships just using Hinge and avoiding hook up culture. So it’s hard to compare, but so different from 25 years ago when I was last dating.

garciasn 3y ago
I think the 10M metro area helps your case, many folks don't have such a wide dating pool to pull from on the apps. Also, it depends on the culture of the area that you reside within. Here, in Minneapolis, folks are tight lipped, tight knit, and keep everything close to the chest, but they continue to hold some of those dating app nuances in high regard. I'm really happy that, for you, it works. I also had a steady stream of dates, but they were folks I was not compatible with in any stretch of the imagination and the stress and anxiety that comes with juggling many different conversations, relationships, dates, etc, just isn't something I want to deal with. I want to spend my time investing in a small group of humans, not investing 1/100th of my available emotional and mental bandwidth on a variety of them, only to find myself moving on to the next one--time and time again. TL;DR: 100 first dates, sometimes multiple times in a week is just exhausting for me and I prefer a world where I can be me, without the stresses associated with playing some game I don't understand.
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- atq2119 3y ago
  That's a choice you make, though, isn't it? If you get that many matches, be more selective. Everybody wins that way.
- pcdoodle 3y ago
  What up Minneapolis! Yes, dating is hard here. Something is off about the way people are built here. But we have nice parks and food.
- prepend 3y ago
  > folks I was not compatible with in any stretch of the imagination This is really within my control, right? I found being very specific about my interests and requirements. If I’m going on dates with people I have poor compatibility then I need a better profile. And need to ask more questions beforehand. What was interesting to me is that there are lots of friendly people who will say “yes” to a date. So I put specific questions like instead of “must have sense of humor” add “must relevantly quote Monty python within the first three days messaging” and then filter based on it.
nvarsj 3y ago
Same for me, in my 40s, living in London. Started on the dating apps last October, and had so many dating opportunities I had to slow down. And now I've found an amazing woman. As a life long awkward geek, I wish it had been this easy in my 20s.
Meekro 3y ago
I'm glad it works for you! Maybe the app should pay you to teach the other guys what they're doing wrong?
throwaway2037 3y ago
> Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. To state the obvious, you must be in the top 20% of attractiveness, and probably over 6 feet / 183 cm. Literally, you are a statistical outlier. Multiple studies and experiments have shown that 80% of the women are seeking attention from the 20% most attractive men. Notice that I didn't say anything about "great personality".
- phonon 3y ago
  No, women in their 40s get less picky, particularly if you are near their age, don't have baggage, and have the same child raising goals.
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garciasn 3y ago

I think the 10M metro area helps your case, many folks don't have such a wide dating pool to pull from on the apps. Also, it depends on the culture of the area that you reside within. Here, in Minneapolis, folks are tight lipped, tight knit, and keep everything close to the chest, but they continue to hold some of those dating app nuances in high regard. I'm really happy that, for you, it works. I also had a steady stream of dates, but they were folks I was not compatible with in any stretch of the imagination and the stress and anxiety that comes with juggling many different conversations, relationships, dates, etc, just isn't something I want to deal with. I want to spend my time investing in a small group of humans, not investing 1/100th of my available emotional and mental bandwidth on a variety of them, only to find myself moving on to the next one--time and time again. TL;DR: 100 first dates, sometimes multiple times in a week is just exhausting for me and I prefer a world where I can be me, without the stresses associated with playing some game I don't understand.

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atq2119 3y ago
That's a choice you make, though, isn't it? If you get that many matches, be more selective. Everybody wins that way.
pcdoodle 3y ago
What up Minneapolis! Yes, dating is hard here. Something is off about the way people are built here. But we have nice parks and food.
prepend 3y ago
> folks I was not compatible with in any stretch of the imagination This is really within my control, right? I found being very specific about my interests and requirements. If I’m going on dates with people I have poor compatibility then I need a better profile. And need to ask more questions beforehand. What was interesting to me is that there are lots of friendly people who will say “yes” to a date. So I put specific questions like instead of “must have sense of humor” add “must relevantly quote Monty python within the first three days messaging” and then filter based on it.

nvarsj 3y ago

Same for me, in my 40s, living in London. Started on the dating apps last October, and had so many dating opportunities I had to slow down. And now I've found an amazing woman. As a life long awkward geek, I wish it had been this easy in my 20s.

Meekro 3y ago

I'm glad it works for you! Maybe the app should pay you to teach the other guys what they're doing wrong?

throwaway2037 3y ago

> Funny I’m in almost the same situation and have found dating apps really helpful. I’ve been using them for a few months and it’s like a firehose of dates. It’s surprising because they get a bad rap, but I think I could go on a date every night if I wanted to. To state the obvious, you must be in the top 20% of attractiveness, and probably over 6 feet / 183 cm. Literally, you are a statistical outlier. Multiple studies and experiments have shown that 80% of the women are seeking attention from the 20% most attractive men. Notice that I didn't say anything about "great personality".

phonon 3y ago
No, women in their 40s get less picky, particularly if you are near their age, don't have baggage, and have the same child raising goals.
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