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Dating apps for most people seem like a complete waste of time and actually detrimental to your life. There are exceptions, of course, like people much too busy
by Madmallard 3y ago
Dating apps for most people seem like a complete waste of time and actually detrimental to your life. There are exceptions, of course, like people much too busy.
As a male, it seems guaranteed (probably due to supply vs demand disparity?) that you will only have matches that are significantly less attractive than you. I think most people will consider me average in looks. I don't think I've ever matched with a girl that was average on online dating in the 5 years I tried it. I also got professional photo help and put a lot of effort into it etc. As another commenter mentioned, more than half the women I met up with also had an STI.
There has been some research done on the attraction thing, and it has been shown that if women don't know you, they are exceedingly likely to rate men as mostly ugly. If they do know you, however, their ratings are more of a bell curve. So if you want the most attractive possible match (for you), and have the best chance at someone you have the most chemistry with, I think you have to just meet a lot of women in person and get to know them first. It is unfortunate because people are seemingly less social nowadays? So it is kind of a problem that makes itself worse.
- badcppdev 3y agoYou matched with and met multiple women so the apps seem to be working as designed. You seem to have an idea of your attractiveness which doesn't match the measurably evidence and yet you discard that evidence. Why? I get the impression that attractiveness is very important to you. Ironically I think that might be a very unattractive trait.
- Madmallard 3y agoYour reply is not particularly astute nor is it charitable. (1) Perhaps I have also dated not through online dating, where it completely aligns with what I'm saying? (2) Caring that someone is sexually appealing to you... a red flag? (3) Yes I would agree that shallowness is unattractive, as anyone would. However, bringing up a point specifically relevant to online dating apps and implying that it may be specifically relevant to online dating apps does not necessarily mean that is my entire mentality. If I met up with multiple women knowing I said what I said, perhaps it would not be such a logical leap to assume maybe that attractiveness does not matter to me as much as you seem to think it does?
- badcppdev 3y agoI wish I had understood more clearly that you were comparing your online vs offline experiences.
- prepend 3y agoI’ve found that it’s not just the photos but the writing and content on profiles. It was surprising to me how many people had really poorly written profiles or just photos. I’m guessing I’m a 4-5 but have matched with really attractive, and more importantly, very smart, successful, and interesting people. At first I was surprised but women tell me that many people on dating apps put in little effort or just can’t do basic things like carry a conversation beyond “hey” and “your [sic] beautiful.” I find that the apps are useful for meeting lots of people in person and testing out chemistry. I’m not sure a better way to meet people IRL. I’m in my 40s and only have my own experience so YMMV. I’m curious how you knew half the women you met had an STI. Are you asking this?
- Madmallard 3y agoI had a traumatic experience with it (ironic by context) not on online dating so yeah I have asked all women ever since. It is definitely tricky and requires tactfulness to talk about this early on.
- Spastche 3y agoOkCupid used to have a bunch of blog posts with numbers about how much a difference a good profile and good pictures make, but I think they took them down when Match bought them out. I haven't been on any dating sites in a few years but the amount of people with garbage profiles and bad pictures (lighting / posture being the biggest and easiest issues to fix) is crazy high.
- breather 3y agoOkCupid used to be the best because they actually tried to match you up on common interests and relevant dating questions. Last I heard that had been ripped out and it was just another tinder clone emphasizing photos and swiping. Should be a crime to ruin an app that useful.
- Spastche 3y agolast time I was on it, the questions had been de-emphasized and it seemed more like a tinder clone. hopefully a better version of it comes along someday, it's a valid idea (matches based on quizzes)
- breather 3y ago> As a male, it seems guaranteed (probably due to supply vs demand disparity?) that you will only have matches that are significantly less attractive than you. This seems to wildly vary across apps, but that's not generally been my experience. I've also found that folks can have a very different conception of attractiveness than their prospective partners.
- francisofascii 3y agoYour points are all valid, but is it really a waste of time and detrimental? If your ultimate goal is to meet someone long term, what is a better use of your time? Even if your chances are slim, and several dates in a row fail, you just need one to succeed.
- throwaway2037 3y ago> more than half the women I met up with also had an STI. How did you know? Did they tell you or did you "discover" it x-days later?