5 ms·

I've worked with plenty of people who have no visible significant other, even. It's fucking weird. Thirty+ (40+) year old guys living alone in huge houses, neve

I've worked with plenty of people who have no visible significant other, even. It's fucking weird. Thirty+ (40+) year old guys living alone in huge houses, never married. I'm guessing they are just hitting up sex workers. These are smart, well adjusted people who would have made good fathers.

silverquiet 3y ago
Maybe they just never met the right lady. Calling it "fucking weird" seems a bit over the top, and contradictory to your statement about working with plenty of them.
- NhanH 3y ago
  I read it as describing the situation being weird. The people being normal is what makes the whole thing weird
  - silverquiet 3y ago
    I guess the older I get, the more unclear I am on what normal is supposed to be or what it ever was. What percentage of men historically even had children? My impression is that it has always been significantly less than the percentage of women who do.
    - doubleg72 3y ago
      0% as far as I am aware
      - esafak 3y ago
        That sounds wild. Got a reference?
        11101010001100 3y ago
        Think about the language from a technical perspective. EDIT: On second thought, presumably you did and you are also adding humor!
    - pfannkuchen 3y ago
      Historically as in recent history or more distant? In more distant history, yes most women had children and many men did not. In recent history (in the west), I believe the ratio was much more equal due to culturally enforced monogamy. Obviously it was never 100% followed but I believe it made a very large impact on this metric.
    - gtech1 3y ago
      https://youtu.be/5DlTexEXxLQ?si=pFtIMz5UKdA91aFb https://youtu.be/5DlTexEXxLQ?si=pFtIMz5UKdA91aFb
- startupsfail 3y ago
  It is wrong that our society rewards drinking beers with tech bros and “skydiving” hobbies and what not fucking weird stuff. And doesn’t reward that much investments of money and parental time into having healthy and educated kids. Educated and well rounded kids, teenagers and adults don’t come free for society. It requires a lot of work, money, time and love. Ridiculous amounts. To a degree this resource can be stolen from other countries, via immigration. But this only works to a degree and at a larger scale it is still a zero sum game.
  - silverquiet 3y ago
    From experience, I can tell you that women are far more attracted to the beer-swilling bros who jump out of airplanes than the quiet, introverted engineers who retire each night to their homes to relax while cooking dinner and watching TV. That doesn't make for a particularly interesting date. So it goes.
    - afavour 3y ago
      As a quiet introverted engineer who went out on many dates and got married I couldn’t disagree more. Maybe it depends on age. What you say is probably true at age 21, by 29 most of the women I met were very set on meeting a serious life partner, not a bro. I found that actually talking to them about their interests and engaging with that did wonders, even if my introverted instincts didn’t tell me to.
      - silverquiet 3y ago
        That's exactly the age I have the most experience with. Your mileage may vary I suppose.
      - vidarh 3y ago
        As an introvert, I feel I had to work harder to compensate for the fact that I didn't naturally find myself in environments where I'd meet people and engage with them, but I've also found that the attraction I've gotten from women has steading increased over time. I've found it far easier to date in my 40's than in my 20's. Not just people who wanted a serious life partner. Some of it does seem to be women equating older men with more maturity, some of it hopefully reflects actual maturity... I don't know if you had to learn how to do this, but for me I think a large part of it is also the same thing you mention - it took a lot of effort for me to figure out, but the same parts of my nature that was a disadvantage for me when younger drove me to experiment, even take notes, until I figured out what I got wrong and how to improve myself. Ironically I've found one of my best assets when dating in my 40's was my past struggles. Particularly recognising them and being able to use them to give observations about how clueless men tend to be about dating based on the mistakes I used to make myself.
- em-bee 3y ago
  if you don't meet the right lady by 40 then you haven't been looking hard enough. meaning, you were not really interested or focused on getting married. i am the only male among all my cousins that i know of to be married with children. and i am your proverbial geek who has a hard time meeting women. which my cousins or brothers are not. they had more opportunities to meet women than me (as far as i can tell), but for me, getting married and having children was one of my life goals. i achieved my goal. my brothers or cousins simply didn't even have that goal.
  - nicbou 3y ago
    Maybe they're just not into it? Some people enjoy living alone without a committed relationship. A lot of users in this thread assume that everyone's goal is to marry and have children. A lot of people are not interested in that, partly because they have other interests, and partly because the social pressure is not as strong as before.
    - em-bee 3y ago
      Maybe they're just not into it? that's exactly what i mean. they just were not into it. it's definitely not that they just were not lucky to meet the right lady to settle down with.
  - silverquiet 3y ago
    There's an entire culture of "incels" who seem to have trouble with this.
paul7986 3y ago
Maybe They haven't found the one who they want and or wants them ..too maybe they aren't into women. With society being more accepting of same sex situations I'm pretty sure I read the number of those who identify something other then straight has increased.
skylurk 3y ago
Those are called "bachelors", plenty of historical precedent. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor
moogly 3y ago
I also worked with a 60+ woman who once said at the lunch table "if you're a 35 year old guy and single there's something seriously wrong with you". Maybe you would have hit it off with her.
dghughes 3y ago
I'm one of those. Very shy even into my late 20s. Then my Dad got sick so I was his support for nearly 20 years. Life went by and now it's too late to have kids. No woman of child bearing age wants to date a middle-aged man 10 years her senior. So really why bother even trying to have a relationship at this point?
- silverquiet 3y ago
  Maybe just having a friend; as I've said elsewhere in the thread, I never really got the whole marriage/kids idea myself, but perhaps now that I'm also aging out of childbearing age, dating will be less complicated once any expectation of children are out of the picture.
- trashtester 3y ago
  Plenty of women wants to date a guy 10, 20 or even 30 years her senior. Especially if he's financially secure, wants a stable relationship, is reasonably healthy and treats her well. If you have your life in order, all you have to do is to look in the right places. Those places exist in any country, but if you're a man like that and look on dating sites for Thailand or the Philippines, you will find 10 women that want to marry you within an hour or two. However, if you're broke, don't have a decent job and have serious health problems, you may indeed by out of luck.
  - Workaccount2 3y ago
    Not to give OP fuel for his fire, but just to be real because I am so sick of seeing these misleading comments all over the internet: It's not just finding a woman who is willing. It's finding a woman who is a quality person that you have an attraction to that is willing. When you are a woman who is sane, smart, have your life together, and is decent looking, you have many choices for a partner. Many of these woman can easily find high quality men who are their own age and have the same life situation. So while yes, it does happen that the 50 yr old guy meets the amazing 33 yr old woman. Far more often than not, the amazing 33 yr old woman meets to amazing 33 yr old guy. Unless you are down with divorced w/kids. Then it gets much easier. But you will be second to her kids.
Crawlersorb 3y ago
[flagged]

silverquiet 3y ago

Maybe they just never met the right lady. Calling it "fucking weird" seems a bit over the top, and contradictory to your statement about working with plenty of them.

NhanH 3y ago
I read it as describing the situation being weird. The people being normal is what makes the whole thing weird
- silverquiet 3y ago
  I guess the older I get, the more unclear I am on what normal is supposed to be or what it ever was. What percentage of men historically even had children? My impression is that it has always been significantly less than the percentage of women who do.
  - doubleg72 3y ago
    0% as far as I am aware
    - esafak 3y ago
      That sounds wild. Got a reference?
      - 11101010001100 3y ago
        Think about the language from a technical perspective. EDIT: On second thought, presumably you did and you are also adding humor!
  - pfannkuchen 3y ago
    Historically as in recent history or more distant? In more distant history, yes most women had children and many men did not. In recent history (in the west), I believe the ratio was much more equal due to culturally enforced monogamy. Obviously it was never 100% followed but I believe it made a very large impact on this metric.
  - gtech1 3y ago
    https://youtu.be/5DlTexEXxLQ?si=pFtIMz5UKdA91aFb https://youtu.be/5DlTexEXxLQ?si=pFtIMz5UKdA91aFb
startupsfail 3y ago
It is wrong that our society rewards drinking beers with tech bros and “skydiving” hobbies and what not fucking weird stuff. And doesn’t reward that much investments of money and parental time into having healthy and educated kids. Educated and well rounded kids, teenagers and adults don’t come free for society. It requires a lot of work, money, time and love. Ridiculous amounts. To a degree this resource can be stolen from other countries, via immigration. But this only works to a degree and at a larger scale it is still a zero sum game.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  From experience, I can tell you that women are far more attracted to the beer-swilling bros who jump out of airplanes than the quiet, introverted engineers who retire each night to their homes to relax while cooking dinner and watching TV. That doesn't make for a particularly interesting date. So it goes.
  - afavour 3y ago
    As a quiet introverted engineer who went out on many dates and got married I couldn’t disagree more. Maybe it depends on age. What you say is probably true at age 21, by 29 most of the women I met were very set on meeting a serious life partner, not a bro. I found that actually talking to them about their interests and engaging with that did wonders, even if my introverted instincts didn’t tell me to.
    - silverquiet 3y ago
      That's exactly the age I have the most experience with. Your mileage may vary I suppose.
    - vidarh 3y ago
      As an introvert, I feel I had to work harder to compensate for the fact that I didn't naturally find myself in environments where I'd meet people and engage with them, but I've also found that the attraction I've gotten from women has steading increased over time. I've found it far easier to date in my 40's than in my 20's. Not just people who wanted a serious life partner. Some of it does seem to be women equating older men with more maturity, some of it hopefully reflects actual maturity... I don't know if you had to learn how to do this, but for me I think a large part of it is also the same thing you mention - it took a lot of effort for me to figure out, but the same parts of my nature that was a disadvantage for me when younger drove me to experiment, even take notes, until I figured out what I got wrong and how to improve myself. Ironically I've found one of my best assets when dating in my 40's was my past struggles. Particularly recognising them and being able to use them to give observations about how clueless men tend to be about dating based on the mistakes I used to make myself.
em-bee 3y ago
if you don't meet the right lady by 40 then you haven't been looking hard enough. meaning, you were not really interested or focused on getting married. i am the only male among all my cousins that i know of to be married with children. and i am your proverbial geek who has a hard time meeting women. which my cousins or brothers are not. they had more opportunities to meet women than me (as far as i can tell), but for me, getting married and having children was one of my life goals. i achieved my goal. my brothers or cousins simply didn't even have that goal.
- nicbou 3y ago
  Maybe they're just not into it? Some people enjoy living alone without a committed relationship. A lot of users in this thread assume that everyone's goal is to marry and have children. A lot of people are not interested in that, partly because they have other interests, and partly because the social pressure is not as strong as before.
  - em-bee 3y ago
    Maybe they're just not into it? that's exactly what i mean. they just were not into it. it's definitely not that they just were not lucky to meet the right lady to settle down with.
- silverquiet 3y ago
  There's an entire culture of "incels" who seem to have trouble with this.

paul7986 3y ago

Maybe They haven't found the one who they want and or wants them ..too maybe they aren't into women. With society being more accepting of same sex situations I'm pretty sure I read the number of those who identify something other then straight has increased.

skylurk 3y ago

Those are called "bachelors", plenty of historical precedent. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bachelor

moogly 3y ago

I also worked with a 60+ woman who once said at the lunch table "if you're a 35 year old guy and single there's something seriously wrong with you". Maybe you would have hit it off with her.

dghughes 3y ago

I'm one of those. Very shy even into my late 20s. Then my Dad got sick so I was his support for nearly 20 years. Life went by and now it's too late to have kids. No woman of child bearing age wants to date a middle-aged man 10 years her senior. So really why bother even trying to have a relationship at this point?

silverquiet 3y ago
Maybe just having a friend; as I've said elsewhere in the thread, I never really got the whole marriage/kids idea myself, but perhaps now that I'm also aging out of childbearing age, dating will be less complicated once any expectation of children are out of the picture.
trashtester 3y ago
Plenty of women wants to date a guy 10, 20 or even 30 years her senior. Especially if he's financially secure, wants a stable relationship, is reasonably healthy and treats her well. If you have your life in order, all you have to do is to look in the right places. Those places exist in any country, but if you're a man like that and look on dating sites for Thailand or the Philippines, you will find 10 women that want to marry you within an hour or two. However, if you're broke, don't have a decent job and have serious health problems, you may indeed by out of luck.
- Workaccount2 3y ago
  Not to give OP fuel for his fire, but just to be real because I am so sick of seeing these misleading comments all over the internet: It's not just finding a woman who is willing. It's finding a woman who is a quality person that you have an attraction to that is willing. When you are a woman who is sane, smart, have your life together, and is decent looking, you have many choices for a partner. Many of these woman can easily find high quality men who are their own age and have the same life situation. So while yes, it does happen that the 50 yr old guy meets the amazing 33 yr old woman. Far more often than not, the amazing 33 yr old woman meets to amazing 33 yr old guy. Unless you are down with divorced w/kids. Then it gets much easier. But you will be second to her kids.

Crawlersorb 3y ago

[flagged]