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We’re child free (and intend to remain as such) and in our 30s, to be honest we do wonder what it’ll be like in 30 years. I’ve never wanted children (vehementl

We’re child free (and intend to remain as such) and in our 30s, to be honest we do wonder what it’ll be like in 30 years. I’ve never wanted children (vehemently so) but my SO needed some convincing and it’s something I struggle with, I’m not sure if it’s really what she wants or my desires are just too strong. We’ve had this conversation between us of course and she’s not really sure either, she thinks she’ll be fine though. I’d love to hear your perspective. Do you feel like you’ve accomplished more than your peers? Led a more fulfilling and liberating life that allowed you to focus on yourselves? Or did that get old past age 40?

Pamar 3y ago
"Do you feel like you’ve accomplished more than your peers? Led a more fulfilling and liberating life that allowed you to focus on yourselves? Or did that get old past age 40?" I often feel that I did not manage to accomplish enough, personally. But: - I know people who are immensely more affluent than me (high school fellows) who did not have any child, either, and did not need to work. For me they accomplished even less than me. - On the other hand, both my sister (who is 3 years older and has a son) and another friend of mine (former colleague) I would say made good use of their time and resources, because they lived what to me looks like a full life, managed to pursuit their interests, cultivate hobbies etc... and also raised a decent human adult on top, which is quite an achievement in itself. What I am trying to say is "if I had won scientific or sport prizes or written a successful book... maybe I could say this would have been impossible if I had to take care of one (or more probably more than one) child". And I cannot even say that I decided to not have children because I was focused on winning a Nobel (or developing my startup, or become a renowned martial artist...) and yet EVEN WITHOUT THE CHILD I failed for some other reason. I have a normal life, some stuff I did may seem huge to others (assuming they share some of my interests) but while I can dream of having the money of my former schoolmate and say "boy, what I could have done if I were in his place" I am pretty sure that nobody is thinking "wow, if I had lived a childen-free adulthood like Pamar...". I am not regretting it (maybe I'll soon do when it is time to retire, will keep you posted) but I would never say to anyone "if you want to live your life to the fullest, like me, forget having children", either.

Pamar 3y ago

"Do you feel like you’ve accomplished more than your peers? Led a more fulfilling and liberating life that allowed you to focus on yourselves? Or did that get old past age 40?" I often feel that I did not manage to accomplish enough, personally. But: - I know people who are immensely more affluent than me (high school fellows) who did not have any child, either, and did not need to work. For me they accomplished even less than me. - On the other hand, both my sister (who is 3 years older and has a son) and another friend of mine (former colleague) I would say made good use of their time and resources, because they lived what to me looks like a full life, managed to pursuit their interests, cultivate hobbies etc... and also raised a decent human adult on top, which is quite an achievement in itself. What I am trying to say is "if I had won scientific or sport prizes or written a successful book... maybe I could say this would have been impossible if I had to take care of one (or more probably more than one) child". And I cannot even say that I decided to not have children because I was focused on winning a Nobel (or developing my startup, or become a renowned martial artist...) and yet EVEN WITHOUT THE CHILD I failed for some other reason. I have a normal life, some stuff I did may seem huge to others (assuming they share some of my interests) but while I can dream of having the money of my former schoolmate and say "boy, what I could have done if I were in his place" I am pretty sure that nobody is thinking "wow, if I had lived a childen-free adulthood like Pamar...". I am not regretting it (maybe I'll soon do when it is time to retire, will keep you posted) but I would never say to anyone "if you want to live your life to the fullest, like me, forget having children", either.