3 ms·

Most interesting quote (in my opinion): Job vs. Calling The distinction is artificial but worth drawing. A job will never satisfy you all by itself, but it wi

by fortes 18y ago

Most interesting quote (in my opinion): Job vs. Calling The distinction is artificial but worth drawing. A job will never satisfy you all by itself, but it will afford you security and the chance to pursue an exciting and fulfilling life outside of your work. A calling is an activity you find so compelling that you wind up organizing your entire self around it — often to the detriment of your life outside of it. There’s no shame in either. Each has costs and benefits. There is no reason to make a fetish of your career. There are activities other than work in which to find meaning and pleasure and even a sense of self-importance — you just need to learn how to look. Having something that is both a calling & a job may be a luxury or a curse. I have yet to find it, so they've been separate for me so far.

kirse 18y ago
This too: some of your anxiety is caused by your desire for the benefits of each -- job and calling -- without the costs. I think every young person, including myself, tries to have it all and we don't realize that something has to be sacrificed. For awhile I wasn't willing to fully dedicate myself to my startup because I knew that to do the best I could it would have to become my life. What killed me was that I had just graduated and felt that I would lose all my great new friends and lose my weekend social life. It took me a couple months to realize -- So what? Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the perceived "sacrifice" when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling.
- briancooley 18y ago
  Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the sacrifice when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling. The flip side, which I think I am on the verge of experiencing, is that to sacrifice having the feeling of purpose and drive might end up costing you your health and/or family. Never underestimate the toll that denying yourself can have on your health and relationships.
  - aaronblohowiak 18y ago
    That is a hard lesson to learn. Good luck. One technique is to have a set time set aside where you focus totally on, say, family. For me, it is Sundays at 3pm. I have a videoconference with my folks, and for that hour I am theirs, completely. The benefits to having a regular schedule increase the potency of the interaction, as it provides an anchor, rhythm and excuse. As for your health, well, my grampa used to say "your health is your wealth". That is still a lesson I am trying to learn.
    - gruseom 18y ago
      Unless I'm misreading you, it looks like you're addressing a different problem. The parent comment was about how sacrificing your deeper needs (presumably in service of family, or a concept of family) can backfire and end up harming the thing it was intended to preserve.
      - aaronblohowiak 18y ago
        My first line sympathizes with the truth that denying yourself is detrimental. In my next bit I am suggesting that you do not need to sacrifice your "deeper needs" (to use your language) in order to have a meaningful family life. Further, I am suggesting that there are auxiliary benefits to the particular technique that I propose.
        gruseom 18y ago
        Ok, I see. I think I did misread you then.
  - azanar 18y ago
    You're not the only person I've heard from to experience that feeling, although you are the first I've heard from to be so candid about the costs of such sacrifice. Others I've discussed these feelings with still feel an unerring duty to sacrifice themselves to their families. It seems that the prevailing wisdom of families would be that feelings of family instability are a result of not sacrificing enough, and that one ought to sacrifice more. I fear at least one may not realize what is happening until he loses what he is sacrificing himself to. I get the vaguely foreboding sense that his situation is not all that unique. Thank you for this. Although I shouldn't need such validation, it helps to hear someone else say what I've been wondering about for some time; it helps counter the rhetoric of those who suggest I will be a bad parent for wondering how much sacrifice is really healthy for the individual and the family, and not immediately answering as much as humanly possible.

by fortes 18y ago

kirse 18y ago

This too: some of your anxiety is caused by your desire for the benefits of each -- job and calling -- without the costs. I think every young person, including myself, tries to have it all and we don't realize that something has to be sacrificed. For awhile I wasn't willing to fully dedicate myself to my startup because I knew that to do the best I could it would have to become my life. What killed me was that I had just graduated and felt that I would lose all my great new friends and lose my weekend social life. It took me a couple months to realize -- So what? Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the perceived "sacrifice" when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling.

briancooley 18y ago
Unless it's your health or spouse/kids, pretty much anything is worth the sacrifice when you're pursuing your own calling. Waking up each day with that enveloping purpose and drive is such an awesome feeling. The flip side, which I think I am on the verge of experiencing, is that to sacrifice having the feeling of purpose and drive might end up costing you your health and/or family. Never underestimate the toll that denying yourself can have on your health and relationships.
- aaronblohowiak 18y ago
  That is a hard lesson to learn. Good luck. One technique is to have a set time set aside where you focus totally on, say, family. For me, it is Sundays at 3pm. I have a videoconference with my folks, and for that hour I am theirs, completely. The benefits to having a regular schedule increase the potency of the interaction, as it provides an anchor, rhythm and excuse. As for your health, well, my grampa used to say "your health is your wealth". That is still a lesson I am trying to learn.
  - gruseom 18y ago
    Unless I'm misreading you, it looks like you're addressing a different problem. The parent comment was about how sacrificing your deeper needs (presumably in service of family, or a concept of family) can backfire and end up harming the thing it was intended to preserve.
    - aaronblohowiak 18y ago
      My first line sympathizes with the truth that denying yourself is detrimental. In my next bit I am suggesting that you do not need to sacrifice your "deeper needs" (to use your language) in order to have a meaningful family life. Further, I am suggesting that there are auxiliary benefits to the particular technique that I propose.
      - gruseom 18y ago
        Ok, I see. I think I did misread you then.
- azanar 18y ago
  You're not the only person I've heard from to experience that feeling, although you are the first I've heard from to be so candid about the costs of such sacrifice. Others I've discussed these feelings with still feel an unerring duty to sacrifice themselves to their families. It seems that the prevailing wisdom of families would be that feelings of family instability are a result of not sacrificing enough, and that one ought to sacrifice more. I fear at least one may not realize what is happening until he loses what he is sacrificing himself to. I get the vaguely foreboding sense that his situation is not all that unique. Thank you for this. Although I shouldn't need such validation, it helps to hear someone else say what I've been wondering about for some time; it helps counter the rhetoric of those who suggest I will be a bad parent for wondering how much sacrifice is really healthy for the individual and the family, and not immediately answering as much as humanly possible.