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> If, instead of scrolling HN, you talked to me, both our lives would improve. It might be just my big city upbringing but the random people chatting me up in

> If, instead of scrolling HN, you talked to me, both our lives would improve. It might be just my big city upbringing but the random people chatting me up in public almost always want something from me I would rather not give them. Most of them want my literal money. Either by scamming me or by just begging. Those who don’t usually want to tell me about their faith and try to get me converted. Not saying it is all interactions. Have a few positive ones too, but the wast majority is not. The reason I am very skeptical about talking with strangers is evidence based and has nothing to do with phones. In fact it predates smartphones by decades. The idea that baning phone usage is going to make people less lonely is in itself preposterous. If you see me on my phone in public most likely i’m talking with one of my friends. If you are feeling so lonely that you want to force me to interact with you instead of them, then maybe you are the one who has a problem? Like join a club, invite people over for some board games or volunteer.

LouisSayers 3y ago
I believe this is most likely a big city mindset (for good reason). After living in London a few years and returning back home, I realised how defensive and wary I'd become of stranger interaction. In London people might be trying to pickpocket you or sell you something, but in smaller towns I've found most of the time people are genuinely being friendly or asking for directions etc
renewiltord 3y ago
I've almost always lived in big cities myself and had many pleasant conversations. But I'm pretty good at profiling.
lloeki 3y ago
It might come as shocking, but it used to be the case that one could meet new people in the street, because the probability of positive human contact dwarfed the scammers or beggars you describe. Couples that met on a bus commute was a trope with a basis in reality; nowadays everyone's isolated, headphones on, eyes glued on a phone. The first reaction to human contact in public spaces is one of distrust and defence. > The idea that baning phone usage is going to make people less lonely is in itself preposterous. It's not magic; it's a signal, a public statement.
- krisoft 3y ago
  > It might come as shocking, but it used to be the case that one could meet new people in the street, because the probability of positive human contact dwarfed the scammers or beggars you describe. That sounds good. I was in my early twenties when smartphones went from a curiosity you heard about on the TV to a reality in many hands. Scammers and beggars masively outweighted positive random contacts even before. Phones and headphones did not cause this where I have grown up.
berkes 3y ago
One of the most famous experiments that prove exactly this were done in the NY subways. (In the eighties) on mobile, so don't have a link to the paper at hand.
fzeroracer 3y ago
I grew up in a small suburban area where a lot of my learned behaviors came from being a mall rat. Since that was the major place I socialized (in the arcades), you quickly learned how to try and signal you're not willing to talk or engage with people. Mainly because malls had a ton of smaller stalls staffed with sales people who would immediately try to pull you aside if you even gave them a side glance and try to sell you a phone plan or other things.

LouisSayers 3y ago

I believe this is most likely a big city mindset (for good reason). After living in London a few years and returning back home, I realised how defensive and wary I'd become of stranger interaction. In London people might be trying to pickpocket you or sell you something, but in smaller towns I've found most of the time people are genuinely being friendly or asking for directions etc

renewiltord 3y ago

I've almost always lived in big cities myself and had many pleasant conversations. But I'm pretty good at profiling.

lloeki 3y ago

It might come as shocking, but it used to be the case that one could meet new people in the street, because the probability of positive human contact dwarfed the scammers or beggars you describe. Couples that met on a bus commute was a trope with a basis in reality; nowadays everyone's isolated, headphones on, eyes glued on a phone. The first reaction to human contact in public spaces is one of distrust and defence. > The idea that baning phone usage is going to make people less lonely is in itself preposterous. It's not magic; it's a signal, a public statement.

krisoft 3y ago
> It might come as shocking, but it used to be the case that one could meet new people in the street, because the probability of positive human contact dwarfed the scammers or beggars you describe. That sounds good. I was in my early twenties when smartphones went from a curiosity you heard about on the TV to a reality in many hands. Scammers and beggars masively outweighted positive random contacts even before. Phones and headphones did not cause this where I have grown up.

berkes 3y ago

One of the most famous experiments that prove exactly this were done in the NY subways. (In the eighties) on mobile, so don't have a link to the paper at hand.

fzeroracer 3y ago

I grew up in a small suburban area where a lot of my learned behaviors came from being a mall rat. Since that was the major place I socialized (in the arcades), you quickly learned how to try and signal you're not willing to talk or engage with people. Mainly because malls had a ton of smaller stalls staffed with sales people who would immediately try to pull you aside if you even gave them a side glance and try to sell you a phone plan or other things.