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Yeah, I've waffled on that because I don't know how to say it how I mean it. I'll try to generalize it but I'm sure I won't get it right. If something has you a

Yeah, I've waffled on that because I don't know how to say it how I mean it. I'll try to generalize it but I'm sure I won't get it right. If something has you afraid, it doesnt matter if I think your fear is justified. Me disregarding your emotion doesn't make you lose the fear. I don't disagree with the idea that we are responsible for how we respond to events in our lives. I tell my kids the same thing- nobody can control you unless you let them. You have the power to control how you respond to things. Sometimes it's the only power you have. I don't have to agree that a college breakup is trauma, but it isn't helpful in most cases to point that out when someone thinks it is. Instead, maybe I can just listen the way I would if it were something I thought was more important. Maybe they'll get through it the same way I did given enough time. Edit: >In particular, I do not think it is necessary for anyone to personally experience 'horrific things' to understand that some things are worse than others, Unfortunately I do disagree with you here. I've met too many people that seem incapable of proper empathy or otherwise lack the ability to learn from the mistakes of others. I could agree with swapping anyone with everyone.

throwanem 3y ago
> If something has you afraid, it doesnt matter if I think your fear is justified. No, but it does matter if I do. That matters a great deal. If I assume any fear I feel is always justified and act on it accordingly, or if I never even frame the question of whether it might be excessive, then I implicitly concede to that fear the privilege of controlling my actions, invariably to my own detriment and that of others. We have a word for such people, and there's a reason no one likes to be called by it. No one should. I'm not well acquainted with formal therapy for reasons beyond the scope of this discussion, but I believe a central tenet of the cognitive-behavioral school is that emotions are input, not output. No one likes to be told they need therapy, either, but in this case I wonder if we wouldn't do the world a service by abstracting this idea from that context to make it a commonplace. Edit to your edit: that seems easy to solve! I suspect for most I myself could achieve it in no more than an hour or two, given how much I had to learn I shouldn't talk about for fear of making people cry. I know there's those out there who speak more freely, because I've read some of their stories. That's hard for me to do, because of how they resonate. I am not especially interested in the pleas of those without the burden of similar experiences that they can't even handle dispassionate-unto-clinical accounts of the same.
- batch12 3y ago
  Good discussion, thanks!

throwanem 3y ago

> If something has you afraid, it doesnt matter if I think your fear is justified. No, but it does matter if I do. That matters a great deal. If I assume any fear I feel is always justified and act on it accordingly, or if I never even frame the question of whether it might be excessive, then I implicitly concede to that fear the privilege of controlling my actions, invariably to my own detriment and that of others. We have a word for such people, and there's a reason no one likes to be called by it. No one should. I'm not well acquainted with formal therapy for reasons beyond the scope of this discussion, but I believe a central tenet of the cognitive-behavioral school is that emotions are input, not output. No one likes to be told they need therapy, either, but in this case I wonder if we wouldn't do the world a service by abstracting this idea from that context to make it a commonplace. Edit to your edit: that seems easy to solve! I suspect for most I myself could achieve it in no more than an hour or two, given how much I had to learn I shouldn't talk about for fear of making people cry. I know there's those out there who speak more freely, because I've read some of their stories. That's hard for me to do, because of how they resonate. I am not especially interested in the pleas of those without the burden of similar experiences that they can't even handle dispassionate-unto-clinical accounts of the same.

batch12 3y ago
Good discussion, thanks!