5 ms·

So back when my team was smaller, we used to do birthdays. Lure the coworker into a conference room on some pretense or another, then bring out a cake. Of cou

So back when my team was smaller, we used to do birthdays. Lure the coworker into a conference room on some pretense or another, then bring out a cake. Of course, once it became routine, it's rather hard to surprise someone -- any irregular meetings on your birthday are extremely suspect. So for one coworker's birthday, a week after we'd just done another's, I scheduled JACK'S BIG ANNOUNCEMENT on his birthday. He, of course, was extremely suspicious, and assumed it was a front for his birthday. I made my announcement, brought out the champagne (well, sparkling Catawba), went out into the hallway to get a corkscrew, and came back in with the birthday cake. So he had the whiplash of, wait, is this not for my birthday after all, wait, if it is, then are you not having a baby? And I declined to clarify until after I started my paternity leave, and half my coworkers didn't believe it until after I brought the kiddo in to show off. It was glorious.

otteromkram 3y ago
This seems like a very good anecdote in favor of continuing remote work.
- CoastalCoder 3y ago
  Definitely an illustration of how different persons want different workplace experiences.
  - johnnyanmac 3y ago
    Replies are an illustration of how people can't respect others preferences as well.
caymanjim 3y ago
I can't parse what you wrote to figure out what you were celebrating, but whatever it is, this is my idea of a workplace nightmare. It's bad enough being forced to celebrate someone else's birthday, but it sounds like you're also forcing people to celebrate their own birthdays without their permission, and possibly forcing people to celebrate pregnancies and other personal events without their permission? I would hate you if I worked with you.
- toast0 3y ago
  > but it sounds like you're also forcing people to celebrate their own birthdays without their permission I've taken to telling people I don't have a birthday when asked, unless it's clearly for necessary record keeping; especially in a work context. I get a funny look, but whatever. If I learn someone else has appropriated my birthday, I do let them know, and we can share private birthday greetings.
- bentcorner 3y ago
  Kind of harsh without context? I worked for a team that did this - putting your birthday on the spreadsheet was entirely optional, as well as attending any celebratory hallway things. Nobody was forcing anybody to do anything. If you had a conflict or was busy working, or just plain didn't want to participate, everybody understood and wouldn't mind. FWIW I usually didn't participate nor did I let anybody know my birthday and I never felt excluded.
  - caymanjim 3y ago
    It's one thing to say "we're celebrating Bob's birthday so there's cake in the kitchen", or "we're going out to lunch for Jill's birthday". You should get Bob and Jill's permission before you do that, but if they're cool with it, then by all means. I can decide for myself if I want to participate, or make a polite excuse not to. Throwing me a surprise birthday? I hate you. Inviting me to a meeting that I feel obligated to attend, only for it to be a surprise birthday? If it's for someone else, I'll just smile and pretend to enjoy it for the minimum socially-acceptable time and then bow out. If you did that for my birthday I would be pissed off. I'd still smile and pretend to enjoy it, but it would be excruciating torture for me. And if you ever threw a party for me for anything more personal I wouldn't even smile and pretend, I'd make it publicly known how inappropriate it was.
    - Larrikin 3y ago
      You seem like a miserable person to be around. It's cake and a break from work. Even if you hate every single person you work with with a burning passion, it's still cake and a break from work. I can only understand this opinion if its some kind of forced event after or before work, or worse you're the employer and just want people making you money only. But getting paid to take an extra break and then scolding your coworkers seems a step too far
mulmen 3y ago
This is the stuff of nightmares. I would take whatever amount of PTO necessary to avoid this abuse around my birthday. Did you at least ask before advertising personal information to coworkers? Surprise party suggests no consent was obtained.
- johnnyanmac 3y ago
  Comparing an impromptu gratitude to abuse is exactly why tech has such a negative stereotype in terms of social dynamics.
  - mulmen 3y ago
    Your gratitude is someone else’s abuse. I doubt you meant to cause harm but unsolicited celebrations hurt people. Please stop acting without consent. It’s never ok. You’re hurting people. Stop.
    - johnnyanmac 3y ago
      >Your gratitude is someone else’s abuse. I see the golden rule is dead. > I doubt you meant to cause harm but unsolicited celebrations hurt people. I've never thrown a work party. But if my thanking or praising you is abuse then I feel this is a personal issue than a character flaw. Learn to take a compliment and learn to bow out gracefully. There's way too many impromptu abuses of your time and energy by corporate leeches for a random celebration of life to be considered torture.
      - mulmen 3y ago
        > I see the golden rule is dead. You have completely misunderstood the meaning of the golden rule. “Treat others the way you wish to be treated” does not mean “subject others to your personal desires”. It means “respect the wishes of others as you would want them to respect yours.” You have no right to compel the behavior of anyone else. > But if my thanking or praising you is abuse then I feel this is a personal issue than a character flaw. Learn to take a compliment and learn to bow out gracefully. Please stop being a bully. You are hurting people with your behavior. Please stop hurting people.

otteromkram 3y ago

This seems like a very good anecdote in favor of continuing remote work.

CoastalCoder 3y ago
Definitely an illustration of how different persons want different workplace experiences.
- johnnyanmac 3y ago
  Replies are an illustration of how people can't respect others preferences as well.

caymanjim 3y ago

I can't parse what you wrote to figure out what you were celebrating, but whatever it is, this is my idea of a workplace nightmare. It's bad enough being forced to celebrate someone else's birthday, but it sounds like you're also forcing people to celebrate their own birthdays without their permission, and possibly forcing people to celebrate pregnancies and other personal events without their permission? I would hate you if I worked with you.

toast0 3y ago
> but it sounds like you're also forcing people to celebrate their own birthdays without their permission I've taken to telling people I don't have a birthday when asked, unless it's clearly for necessary record keeping; especially in a work context. I get a funny look, but whatever. If I learn someone else has appropriated my birthday, I do let them know, and we can share private birthday greetings.
bentcorner 3y ago
Kind of harsh without context? I worked for a team that did this - putting your birthday on the spreadsheet was entirely optional, as well as attending any celebratory hallway things. Nobody was forcing anybody to do anything. If you had a conflict or was busy working, or just plain didn't want to participate, everybody understood and wouldn't mind. FWIW I usually didn't participate nor did I let anybody know my birthday and I never felt excluded.
- caymanjim 3y ago
  It's one thing to say "we're celebrating Bob's birthday so there's cake in the kitchen", or "we're going out to lunch for Jill's birthday". You should get Bob and Jill's permission before you do that, but if they're cool with it, then by all means. I can decide for myself if I want to participate, or make a polite excuse not to. Throwing me a surprise birthday? I hate you. Inviting me to a meeting that I feel obligated to attend, only for it to be a surprise birthday? If it's for someone else, I'll just smile and pretend to enjoy it for the minimum socially-acceptable time and then bow out. If you did that for my birthday I would be pissed off. I'd still smile and pretend to enjoy it, but it would be excruciating torture for me. And if you ever threw a party for me for anything more personal I wouldn't even smile and pretend, I'd make it publicly known how inappropriate it was.
  - Larrikin 3y ago
    You seem like a miserable person to be around. It's cake and a break from work. Even if you hate every single person you work with with a burning passion, it's still cake and a break from work. I can only understand this opinion if its some kind of forced event after or before work, or worse you're the employer and just want people making you money only. But getting paid to take an extra break and then scolding your coworkers seems a step too far

mulmen 3y ago

This is the stuff of nightmares. I would take whatever amount of PTO necessary to avoid this abuse around my birthday. Did you at least ask before advertising personal information to coworkers? Surprise party suggests no consent was obtained.

johnnyanmac 3y ago
Comparing an impromptu gratitude to abuse is exactly why tech has such a negative stereotype in terms of social dynamics.
- mulmen 3y ago
  Your gratitude is someone else’s abuse. I doubt you meant to cause harm but unsolicited celebrations hurt people. Please stop acting without consent. It’s never ok. You’re hurting people. Stop.
  - johnnyanmac 3y ago
    >Your gratitude is someone else’s abuse. I see the golden rule is dead. > I doubt you meant to cause harm but unsolicited celebrations hurt people. I've never thrown a work party. But if my thanking or praising you is abuse then I feel this is a personal issue than a character flaw. Learn to take a compliment and learn to bow out gracefully. There's way too many impromptu abuses of your time and energy by corporate leeches for a random celebration of life to be considered torture.
    - mulmen 3y ago
      > I see the golden rule is dead. You have completely misunderstood the meaning of the golden rule. “Treat others the way you wish to be treated” does not mean “subject others to your personal desires”. It means “respect the wishes of others as you would want them to respect yours.” You have no right to compel the behavior of anyone else. > But if my thanking or praising you is abuse then I feel this is a personal issue than a character flaw. Learn to take a compliment and learn to bow out gracefully. Please stop being a bully. You are hurting people with your behavior. Please stop hurting people.