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> Don’t take the cliche advice and “just be yourself.” > smile slower > Repeat the last 1-3 words the person just said as a question. Not to cherry-pick, but

by g4zj 3y ago

> Don’t take the cliche advice and “just be yourself.” > smile slower > Repeat the last 1-3 words the person just said as a question. Not to cherry-pick, but this sort of advice is just exhausting. I'm not saying it's ineffective, but I think I'd rather be around people where comfortable, mutually-enjoyable interactions happen organically.

WesolyKubeczek 3y ago
You fake it till you make it.
- Eisenstein 3y ago
  But people who fake it by taking cringeworthy advice that make them act like a salesman don't make it because people see through that shit.
  - maroonblazer 3y ago
    If you're implementing TFA advice in such a way that you come across looking/sounding like a salesman then you're doing it wrong.
glenngillen 3y ago
What’s an example of how those interactions happen organically? ;)
agubelu 3y ago
> Repeat the last 1-3 words the person just said as a question. The first time I read about this was in Chris Voss' "Never split the difference", a great book about negotiation. It's called "mirroring" and it actually works really well at getting people to reveal more information without sounding inquisitive or nosy. Not sure about using it all the time in normal conversation, though.
gilbetron 3y ago
Yeah, I've learned how to be someone people like to talk to, but I still don't often do it because it is exhausting. I learned a lot from my sister-in-law who is great at it and everybody loves talking to her, but she can get into a positive feedback loop where the interaction energizes her to keep it up, whereas for me, my reserves to keep it up deplete after an hour or so. Even she, though, will eventually get tired of doing it and is famous for suddenly disappearing and going to be in a room by herself to recharge. I think a key to her approach is she will sometimes make the story about her and let people pay her back for listening so well, and then just when they are losing interest, she'll flip it back to be about them. She and I can talk for hours though, because we know how to minimize the tiring part and make it more of a back and forth.

by g4zj 3y ago

WesolyKubeczek 3y ago

You fake it till you make it.

Eisenstein 3y ago
But people who fake it by taking cringeworthy advice that make them act like a salesman don't make it because people see through that shit.
- maroonblazer 3y ago
  If you're implementing TFA advice in such a way that you come across looking/sounding like a salesman then you're doing it wrong.

glenngillen 3y ago

What’s an example of how those interactions happen organically? ;)

agubelu 3y ago

> Repeat the last 1-3 words the person just said as a question. The first time I read about this was in Chris Voss' "Never split the difference", a great book about negotiation. It's called "mirroring" and it actually works really well at getting people to reveal more information without sounding inquisitive or nosy. Not sure about using it all the time in normal conversation, though.

gilbetron 3y ago

Yeah, I've learned how to be someone people like to talk to, but I still don't often do it because it is exhausting. I learned a lot from my sister-in-law who is great at it and everybody loves talking to her, but she can get into a positive feedback loop where the interaction energizes her to keep it up, whereas for me, my reserves to keep it up deplete after an hour or so. Even she, though, will eventually get tired of doing it and is famous for suddenly disappearing and going to be in a room by herself to recharge. I think a key to her approach is she will sometimes make the story about her and let people pay her back for listening so well, and then just when they are losing interest, she'll flip it back to be about them. She and I can talk for hours though, because we know how to minimize the tiring part and make it more of a back and forth.