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> maybe their experience caring for a dying parent. Yeah, you would have to claw this out of me with a hammer. There's absolutely no way I would be comfortable

> maybe their experience caring for a dying parent. Yeah, you would have to claw this out of me with a hammer. There's absolutely no way I would be comfortable sharing that level of intimacy with a stranger.

zer00eyz 3y ago
That isnt everyone. Some folks had a lot of adversity in their lives and are OK with talking about how they delt with it. Some people pay others to listen to this and call it therapy. There are other ways to ask these sorts of questions: did you ever have a job that you dont want to go back to but would not give up the experience of? (Do you know how shitty a job can be, were you an amazon driver or a pickle shoveler) When they dont have that much experience you want to know that they can be mentored.
- em-bee 3y ago
  therapy vs sharing my experiences are very different things. when i am willing to talk to a therapist then it is because the therapist is not allowed to share that with others.
- AnimalMuppet 3y ago
  > That isnt everyone. > Some folks had a lot of adversity in their lives and are OK with talking about how they delt with it. Some people pay others to listen to this and call it therapy. Sure. But is "willing to talk about dealing with trauma" really a valid filter to sort potential employees by?
  - eszed 3y ago
    Ability to function during emotionally-difficult circumstances can be a job requirement. (Likely not software engineering, hence the scorn on this forum!) It's unlikely the interviewers are curious about the interviewee's story, but if a question about a traumatic experience makes someone freeze up then they may not be able to perform certain roles.
    - SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
      > if a question about a traumatic experience makes someone freeze up then they may not be able to perform certain roles What certain roles are needed to plunge into reliving the time they were raped or assaulted? When they were a war refugee? And while reliving being assaulted to navigate a professional space??
      - eszed 3y ago
        Off the top of my head: - HR professionals deal with a ton of shit, including assaults. - First responders, obviously. - Message board moderators? - Customer service of any kind. (The Karen memes are irritating, and really, really mean, but I swear I recognize every one those interactions from my years in those kinds of jobs.) - I was trauma-dumped plenty of times during my teaching career, as well as been loudly - even potentially violently - blamed (by students) for all of the problems they're having in class (or maybe even life, lol). Maintaining professional aplomb in emotionally volatile situations is a critical part of jobs which deal primarily with people, rather than things - and is more relevant to engineering sorts of roles than many engineers realize. Look, I'm not defending those particular questions - and far less the particular people asking them. I'm offering an alternate point of view about why they're being asked. It'd be great to see posters on this forum suggest some better ways to evaluate the traits at which they're aimed.
        SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
        All of those things are made far worse if you’re actively having traumatic flashbacks, and do not benefit at all from having a traumatized childhood. The actual best things for the above is appropriate training and crisis intervention strategies.
        eszed 3y ago
        Exactly. Which is the rationale for asking about past trauma in an interview. If the interviewee locks up in a traumatic flashback then they're clearly not prepared to do the job. Again: I'm not defending the practice. It's a really gross metric, and a really gross (in the other sense) method. I just haven't seen this thread demonstrate much understanding of what's actually going on. You're 100% correct about crisis intervention training. I had a few sessions - of dubious worth - while I was a teacher. I worked in a group home for troubled kids for a bit, and that one included learning physical restraints - which I did end up needing. My best mentor, however, was a grizzled old waitress who took a drag on a Camel (cigarette), shrugged, and said "you just gotta let them have their say". She was a wizard at de-escalation.
- SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
  People are ok with talking about their trauma in an interview? Next time someone asks me “name a time you faced adversity” should I bring up navigating an eating disorder in a workplace where eating is done in view of your peers and it’s socially acceptable to comment on food, socially unacceptable to refrain from a catered lunch?

zer00eyz 3y ago

That isnt everyone. Some folks had a lot of adversity in their lives and are OK with talking about how they delt with it. Some people pay others to listen to this and call it therapy. There are other ways to ask these sorts of questions: did you ever have a job that you dont want to go back to but would not give up the experience of? (Do you know how shitty a job can be, were you an amazon driver or a pickle shoveler) When they dont have that much experience you want to know that they can be mentored.

em-bee 3y ago
therapy vs sharing my experiences are very different things. when i am willing to talk to a therapist then it is because the therapist is not allowed to share that with others.
AnimalMuppet 3y ago
> That isnt everyone. > Some folks had a lot of adversity in their lives and are OK with talking about how they delt with it. Some people pay others to listen to this and call it therapy. Sure. But is "willing to talk about dealing with trauma" really a valid filter to sort potential employees by?
- eszed 3y ago
  Ability to function during emotionally-difficult circumstances can be a job requirement. (Likely not software engineering, hence the scorn on this forum!) It's unlikely the interviewers are curious about the interviewee's story, but if a question about a traumatic experience makes someone freeze up then they may not be able to perform certain roles.
  - SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
    > if a question about a traumatic experience makes someone freeze up then they may not be able to perform certain roles What certain roles are needed to plunge into reliving the time they were raped or assaulted? When they were a war refugee? And while reliving being assaulted to navigate a professional space??
    - eszed 3y ago
      Off the top of my head: - HR professionals deal with a ton of shit, including assaults. - First responders, obviously. - Message board moderators? - Customer service of any kind. (The Karen memes are irritating, and really, really mean, but I swear I recognize every one those interactions from my years in those kinds of jobs.) - I was trauma-dumped plenty of times during my teaching career, as well as been loudly - even potentially violently - blamed (by students) for all of the problems they're having in class (or maybe even life, lol). Maintaining professional aplomb in emotionally volatile situations is a critical part of jobs which deal primarily with people, rather than things - and is more relevant to engineering sorts of roles than many engineers realize. Look, I'm not defending those particular questions - and far less the particular people asking them. I'm offering an alternate point of view about why they're being asked. It'd be great to see posters on this forum suggest some better ways to evaluate the traits at which they're aimed.
      - SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
        All of those things are made far worse if you’re actively having traumatic flashbacks, and do not benefit at all from having a traumatized childhood. The actual best things for the above is appropriate training and crisis intervention strategies.
        eszed 3y ago
        Exactly. Which is the rationale for asking about past trauma in an interview. If the interviewee locks up in a traumatic flashback then they're clearly not prepared to do the job. Again: I'm not defending the practice. It's a really gross metric, and a really gross (in the other sense) method. I just haven't seen this thread demonstrate much understanding of what's actually going on. You're 100% correct about crisis intervention training. I had a few sessions - of dubious worth - while I was a teacher. I worked in a group home for troubled kids for a bit, and that one included learning physical restraints - which I did end up needing. My best mentor, however, was a grizzled old waitress who took a drag on a Camel (cigarette), shrugged, and said "you just gotta let them have their say". She was a wizard at de-escalation.
SamoyedFurFluff 3y ago
People are ok with talking about their trauma in an interview? Next time someone asks me “name a time you faced adversity” should I bring up navigating an eating disorder in a workplace where eating is done in view of your peers and it’s socially acceptable to comment on food, socially unacceptable to refrain from a catered lunch?