Objectively, "frailty" is the medical term for the inability to move resiliently, which causes a cascade of problems from becoming sedentary. Subjectively, int

Objectively, "frailty" is the medical term for the inability to move resiliently, which causes a cascade of problems from becoming sedentary. Subjectively, interventions commonly fail because they have to be precisely tailored to what's possible and desirable from the subject's perspective. As a family member, you quickly lose credibility when insisting on activities that make them uncomfortable. The aging mind ends up with pockets of confidence surrounded by undifferentiated fear when outside that comfort zone. Risks like breaking a hip and the imminence of death in general will shrink anyone's comfort zones. We high-achieving people generally only deal with others who are similarly flexible, so we end up with little insight, understanding, or patience for dealing with difficult people - people whose range is scattered or chaotic. We often don't even recognize there is a problem with people who hide behind acceptable patterns and thus present as rigid but strong. Finally, age often separates couples: first they no longer share activities, and then their perspectives shift, but all that is hidden since they are essentially trapped together. It's particularly difficult for children to interact with each parent separately in a way that respects their emerging differences; the parents typically aim for a united front, and to prevent their children from having to care for them. Being close to each parent is a lot of work, but that love make even the end of life worthwhile, and it can dispel much of the existential fear that isolates the elderly. If you find healthy habits you can do together, so much the better. Most important is to let them lead when they can, and to get them used to taking advice when they need to. They need to both be themselves, and to flex into their new selves gracefully.