4 ms·

Sounds like you want to be respected more than you want to help them.

NicoJuicy 3y ago
These were only 2 occasions in the last 6 years, there are plenty of other counter examples. Provided additional examples elsewhere here. I don't think I "want to be respected", I do want them to consider that it's taking a lot of time from me too, to help them and not just think of of me as "the easy/lazy" fix. Which is similar, but not the same since it's comes across as "disrespectful" sometimes. I'm always quick to help ( within 5 minutes at most, but mostly immediately) and it creates an uncomfortable feedback loop in some cases after a while. I'm trying to find a root cause and a fix for this. The only thing that is a bit uncomfortable at first, is when I see mentees start helping others ( and it's just me have to break the habit as a mentor and adapting to see them growing more). With others, the ones I am talking about, I know almost upfront I'll still be requested since the advice was just useless time spend between those 2 people. The first moments I keep an eye on what's being said and I follow up on that. If their advice is bad, I feel bad too. On the other hand, I congratulated a mentee last week for handling a situation well and there wasn't a single moment where I had the feeling to jump in until we had a team meeting to discuss and solve the issue together ( the issue was known for a month and was getting more common over a timespan of 2 days, he took it up in those 2 days and handled + investigated it very well).
- paulcole 3y ago
  > I'm always quick to help ( within 5 minutes at most, but mostly immediately) You’re the problem here. Don’t be so quick to help. They’ll just keep coming for more help. Or if you are quick to help, answer with a question that points them in the right direction rather than giving them an answer.
  - NicoJuicy 3y ago
    Yep. Explained that today during a face to face meeting, that I'm not comfortable with just taking over. Normally, I reply with keywords to search for and they can dig in. In some cases, the question becomes literally to do it myself for them and I said yes, then. Today, I explained that I'm not comfortable with that and I would like to not do that anymore.
    - paulcole 3y ago
      > In some cases, the question becomes literally to do it myself for them and I said yes, then. The answer here is either a "No." or a "Let's share screens and I'll talk you through it this time."
      - NicoJuicy 3y ago
        Yeah. I tried that and it's a bit of a disappointing walkthrough when you have to say: your parameters/arguments changed, because it's a new method that you created. Have a look at intellisense suggestion to fill in the correct arguments. And they don't know what intellisense means ( DotNet development in visual studio. Guy with 18 years "experience" )

These were only 2 occasions in the last 6 years, there are plenty of other counter examples. Provided additional examples elsewhere here. I don't think I "want to be respected", I do want them to consider that it's taking a lot of time from me too, to help them and not just think of of me as "the easy/lazy" fix. Which is similar, but not the same since it's comes across as "disrespectful" sometimes. I'm always quick to help ( within 5 minutes at most, but mostly immediately) and it creates an uncomfortable feedback loop in some cases after a while. I'm trying to find a root cause and a fix for this. The only thing that is a bit uncomfortable at first, is when I see mentees start helping others ( and it's just me have to break the habit as a mentor and adapting to see them growing more). With others, the ones I am talking about, I know almost upfront I'll still be requested since the advice was just useless time spend between those 2 people. The first moments I keep an eye on what's being said and I follow up on that. If their advice is bad, I feel bad too. On the other hand, I congratulated a mentee last week for handling a situation well and there wasn't a single moment where I had the feeling to jump in until we had a team meeting to discuss and solve the issue together ( the issue was known for a month and was getting more common over a timespan of 2 days, he took it up in those 2 days and handled + investigated it very well).

paulcole 3y ago
> I'm always quick to help ( within 5 minutes at most, but mostly immediately) You’re the problem here. Don’t be so quick to help. They’ll just keep coming for more help. Or if you are quick to help, answer with a question that points them in the right direction rather than giving them an answer.
- NicoJuicy 3y ago
  Yep. Explained that today during a face to face meeting, that I'm not comfortable with just taking over. Normally, I reply with keywords to search for and they can dig in. In some cases, the question becomes literally to do it myself for them and I said yes, then. Today, I explained that I'm not comfortable with that and I would like to not do that anymore.
  - paulcole 3y ago
    > In some cases, the question becomes literally to do it myself for them and I said yes, then. The answer here is either a "No." or a "Let's share screens and I'll talk you through it this time."
    - NicoJuicy 3y ago
      Yeah. I tried that and it's a bit of a disappointing walkthrough when you have to say: your parameters/arguments changed, because it's a new method that you created. Have a look at intellisense suggestion to fill in the correct arguments. And they don't know what intellisense means ( DotNet development in visual studio. Guy with 18 years "experience" )