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I've been volunteer teaching at my daughter's preschool every other week. Getting this balance right is tricky and it's interesting to see how teachers and othe

I've been volunteer teaching at my daughter's preschool every other week. Getting this balance right is tricky and it's interesting to see how teachers and other parents at the school approach it. My inclination is to be pretty laissez faire, partly because I believe in letting kids learn things on their own as much as possible even if that involves some bruises and scrapes, and partly because it's just easier to let 3 and 4 year olds do what they want. I really don't enjoy having any kind of confrontation with someone else's kid, so in the first place I try not to interfere unless it really seems necessary. If I do decide I need to stop them, I first try telling them to stop. This sometimes works, depending on the kid and situation, but often they just ignore it. At that point, I usually just give up and find an actual teacher, since they have no qualms about laying down the law when needed. The interesting part is how different people's instincts are, and how differently they approach this question. I see some parents who handle things similarly to me, but there are others who are a lot more cautious and strict and don't hesitate to get involved. The teachers advise volunteering parents to stop anything that makes them feel uncomfortable, and I think that's what is really tricky about all this. There's often not time to think things over so you have to decide in the moment based on your instincts. The teachers know that each parent will handle things differently, and they're ok with that. They would rather have a parent go with their gut and possibly overdo it than second-guess themselves, and I think that's the right approach. If I'm entrusting other adults to take care of my daughter, even if I know they're going to handle some things differently than I would, I'd prefer that they are acting decisively if something doesn't feel right to them.

ryanobjc 3y ago
I think this depends heavily on where you are and if you are just at a preschool or a 'coop-preschool'. We do the latter, and I was parent teacher. Not a volunteer position: our preschool dues are lower because I worked in the classroom, in a sense it's a "paid" gig. We had a very relaxed attitude towards personal harm. Getting hurt, crying, and getting better is part of the learning process. Not to say that we excessively allowed kids to get hurt, or allowed them to engage in explicitly dangerous activities, eg: throwing things, hitting kids. But I did supervise some kids who wanted to "wrestle" and "fight"... I took it upon myself to teach them to "fight clean" and when people were down we would call a break and let everyone stand up and try again. Also the prechool was mostly outside, and kids got dirty. Oh yes indeed, the mud pit was very popular! This all btw is in San Francisco.
- danenania 3y ago
  Yeah this is a coop as well. I think of it as volunteering but I suppose you’re right that technically it’s a bit different since we do get lower tuition in exchange. This is in San Mateo and it sounds pretty similar to your experience. Very play-based and hands-off for the most part with a lot of outside time. It hasn’t gone as far as sanctioned wrestling matches at this school but I like the concept!
xkcd-sucks 3y ago
> learn things on their own as much as possible even if that involves some bruises and scrapes One could even make the case that youth is THE time to learn the lessons to be had in bruises and scrapes, because they are valuable and kids heal like starfish. Not counting developmental insults like head trauma, persistent environmental toxins etc but like falling out of a tree is usually better than being on a football team
- danenania 3y ago
  Yep, very true, though if you look with a paranoid eye at a bunch of kids playing, you can often imagine a bunch of head injuries that could occur at any given moment if things were to go perfectly wrong. I think that’s where the over-protectionism comes from. It’s something you learn to calibrate with experience I guess based on many subtle clues. Kids in general do have kind of an uncanny ‘land on their feet’ ability where even when you’re sure they’re going to mess themselves up they usually end up being fine. Can’t get too comfortable either though because every once in awhile they’ll try something that really will mess them up if they aren’t stopped.

ryanobjc 3y ago

I think this depends heavily on where you are and if you are just at a preschool or a 'coop-preschool'. We do the latter, and I was parent teacher. Not a volunteer position: our preschool dues are lower because I worked in the classroom, in a sense it's a "paid" gig. We had a very relaxed attitude towards personal harm. Getting hurt, crying, and getting better is part of the learning process. Not to say that we excessively allowed kids to get hurt, or allowed them to engage in explicitly dangerous activities, eg: throwing things, hitting kids. But I did supervise some kids who wanted to "wrestle" and "fight"... I took it upon myself to teach them to "fight clean" and when people were down we would call a break and let everyone stand up and try again. Also the prechool was mostly outside, and kids got dirty. Oh yes indeed, the mud pit was very popular! This all btw is in San Francisco.

danenania 3y ago
Yeah this is a coop as well. I think of it as volunteering but I suppose you’re right that technically it’s a bit different since we do get lower tuition in exchange. This is in San Mateo and it sounds pretty similar to your experience. Very play-based and hands-off for the most part with a lot of outside time. It hasn’t gone as far as sanctioned wrestling matches at this school but I like the concept!

xkcd-sucks 3y ago

> learn things on their own as much as possible even if that involves some bruises and scrapes One could even make the case that youth is THE time to learn the lessons to be had in bruises and scrapes, because they are valuable and kids heal like starfish. Not counting developmental insults like head trauma, persistent environmental toxins etc but like falling out of a tree is usually better than being on a football team

danenania 3y ago
Yep, very true, though if you look with a paranoid eye at a bunch of kids playing, you can often imagine a bunch of head injuries that could occur at any given moment if things were to go perfectly wrong. I think that’s where the over-protectionism comes from. It’s something you learn to calibrate with experience I guess based on many subtle clues. Kids in general do have kind of an uncanny ‘land on their feet’ ability where even when you’re sure they’re going to mess themselves up they usually end up being fine. Can’t get too comfortable either though because every once in awhile they’ll try something that really will mess them up if they aren’t stopped.