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We have two sets of boy girl twins. One set is two and a half years old and one set is two months old. Lemme tell ya... it's incredibly difficult. We have a lot

We have two sets of boy girl twins. One set is two and a half years old and one set is two months old. Lemme tell ya... it's incredibly difficult. We have a lot of help and it's still incredibly difficult. I'm excited for when they're older because I think it's going to be amazing, we just gotta survive. And I'm excited for our kids, because it seems awesome to be a twin! And have twin siblings!

KMag 3y ago
As a father of a 2.5 year old boy and a pair of 0.5 year-old identical twin boys, I hear you. Having 3 kids under 3 is at least 5 times as difficult as having the one. Two sets of twins must be even harder. Hopefully you're getting plenty of help from grandparents. Every day, we just keep telling ourselves that this is going to all be worth it later, but it's exhausting for now.
- thinkingtoilet 3y ago
  I always tell people having two kids is ten times harder than having one. I literally can't imagine having two sets of twins that young! Also, it's my little personal crusade to normalize talking about not enjoying being a parent. It's totally ok and totally normal to have these feelings. It's ok to not enjoy this. It's not ok to absolve yourself from the responsibility you sighed up for, but it's ok not to enjoy it. Especially when they're young.
  - KMag 3y ago
    I applaud your efforts. My wife often feels quite bad about feeling exhausted and frustrated, because she doesn't really believe me that it's a completely normal reaction to caring for 3 kids under 3 years old. Feeling exhausted and frustrated with 3 or 4 young kids does not make you a bad parent or mean you're not cut out for parenting. It's a normal human reaction. People just don't talk about it much.
    - thinkingtoilet 3y ago
      I go as far to say that minus a few people with god-like patience if you're not tired and exhausted from parenting and regularly don't enjoy it, you're probably not a good parent. It's like my boomer dad telling me to have more kids and how wonderful it is. Sure, it's super fun when you never change a diaper, never cook, never clean, never watch the kids alone, never take them to an appointment, never help with potty training, etc...
  - munificent 3y ago
    > I always tell people having two kids is ten times harder than having one. My own experience is that having two kids is harder when they're young and easier when they're older. I have friends with just one kid and it's definitely easier to have enough capacity for the kid when the kid is a baby or toddler and needs a ton of attention. Having two toddlers is exhausting. But when the kids get older and more responsible, they can take much of their attention, socialization, and play needs from their sibling. When I've gone on vacation with friends that have just one kid, they are essentially their kids' playmate the entire trip because otherwise the poor kid is totally alone. When I travel with my two kids, I do stuff with them, of course, but they also spend a lot of time doing stuff just the two of them. Especially in today's Western culture where kids don't have as much autonomy out of the home to play with other kids, I think siblings are a huge help for kids getting as much peer interaction as they need. Though, of course, I support anyone who chooses to only have one kid for whatever reason.
  - wharvle 3y ago
    We have three kids. When two are gone for some reason (sleepover, staying with family, whatever) we're always like "holy shit, one kid is barely harder than no kids!"
    - JamesSwift 3y ago
      Just having 1 of our 4 removed from the house (any 1.. doesn't matter just pick 1), is basically 0 work. Everyone gets along and generally keep each other entertained. Having all 4 together is all of a sudden Lord of the Flies, constantly managing the dynamics... its incredible.
  - jemmyw 3y ago
    I've got 3 kids. They're a bit older now, but I felt that each additional one was a lot less work than the first. The third copied the behaviours of the older ones and became independent that much faster.
  - aklemm 3y ago
    Absolutely; parenting young kids is awful. Luckily, I didn't really expect it to be very fun, even though I felt obligated to do a good job at it. The upshot is that parenting made me more fully mature than I would ever have become otherwise. That's an underrated aspect, imo, but I don't now many experience that.
- aarondf 3y ago
  It is exhausting. Glad to hear I'm not alone, thank you
- throwaway-blaze 3y ago
  We've got just one set of boy/girl twins...they're 14 now. Twins are clearly 10x more difficult than a singleton in the early years, but later on they're much easier...there's always a playmate of the same age etc. It gets easier, hang in there.
- otteromkram 3y ago
  +1 for using 0.5 years as an age denomination. You're probably a great dad just based on that.
  - doubled112 3y ago
    What do you have against my 113 month old?
jvanderbot 3y ago
I've got a pair of 2.5y/o. The friendship I see blooming between them is the absolute best. There are definitely things that are >2x harder with twins: Getting dressed. And things that are <2x harder: Bedtime / bath. Cleanup. YMMV, but I'm so glad we have kiddos the same age and got it via one round of pregnancy.
- trgn 3y ago
  Having twins is four times as hard as a singleton. it's twice the amount of work that needs to be done. But you also have twice the issues per head, because responding to one, means ignoring the other, prolonging either the problem in one, or causing a problem for the other. it's hard facts.
  - jvanderbot 3y ago
    Such certainty you have in my experienced difficulty! I find for things like coercion, having one twin convinced makes the second one much more likely to go along. Easily <2x the work for those kinds of things.
    - trgn 3y ago
      lolol I project my certainty very liberally and without constraint. > having one twin convinced makes the second one much more likely to go along. that has been the opposite of my experience
      - jvanderbot 3y ago
        I sympathize. Best of luck my fellow twin parent.
ssharp 3y ago
Oh wow! 2-3 is roughly the time things start to calm down after potty training and you're right back in it. Best of luck and "survival" is probably the right mindset. I have 9-year-old twins and these days I don't see it being much different than having two kids about the same age. The first two years though... I couldn't imagine going through that again!
smeej 3y ago
A dear friend of mine had 2.5yo twins when she found out she was expecting what she thought would be baby #3...but ended up being babies 3, 4, 5, and 6! Identical triplet girls and a fraternal boy led to six kids under the age of 4--and she was very insistent that there had been no fertility treatments involved! By the time I knew her, the quads were in first grade, and everybody seemed happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, but I cannot even imagine making it through four newborns and a pair of 3yos without a village!
hoosieree 3y ago
Parents with a single baby can simulate the twin experience like this: 1. get your baby to fall asleep 2. wake them up, then immediately try to get them to fall asleep again
goles 3y ago
Can I ask have you, or really anyone, noticed cryptophasia or idioglossia between them as they develop? It's an incredibly interesting phenomenon (to me at least) and there is very little written about it, even here[0]. From everything I've read it's debated how common it is and how much vocabulary is involved, I imagine because it's very difficult to study. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptophasia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptophasia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idioglossia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idioglossia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_and_Jennifer_Gibbons https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_and_Jennifer_Gibbons [0]https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&query=cryptophasia&sort=byPopularity&type=all https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&qu...
JamesSwift 3y ago
Oof, hats off to you! We had our first two kids at 20 months apart and it was so much harder than when we had the next one at 26 months. It really is much harder the closer they are in age, I think 3-4 years difference is the sweet spot. Hang in there! It gets easier when they start playing together and it is nice to have overlapping friends groups when they are that close in age. They do fight more though....
scruple 3y ago
We have 4.5 year old spontaneous fraternal twins and a 2.5 year old singleton. It's been great but it's so incredibly challenging. I've been primary for the twins since my wife was pregnant with our son. It's been a real wild ride and if it weren't for pictures I'm not sure I'd be able to remember any of it, honestly. We don't have a ton of help, so I feel rode hard and put away wet most days. But I cut myself a lot of slack in my personal life, like not being as dialed in on my nutrition as I used to be, or missing workouts, etc. I'd have really beaten myself up about this stuff a decade ago. Today, it's not unimportant but it's really not that important, either. But I cannot imagine multiple sets. We rolled the dice with our son and I'm honestly thankful we didn't get another set, I have no idea how we'd have survived that. Kudos to you all for pulling it off!

KMag 3y ago

As a father of a 2.5 year old boy and a pair of 0.5 year-old identical twin boys, I hear you. Having 3 kids under 3 is at least 5 times as difficult as having the one. Two sets of twins must be even harder. Hopefully you're getting plenty of help from grandparents. Every day, we just keep telling ourselves that this is going to all be worth it later, but it's exhausting for now.

thinkingtoilet 3y ago
I always tell people having two kids is ten times harder than having one. I literally can't imagine having two sets of twins that young! Also, it's my little personal crusade to normalize talking about not enjoying being a parent. It's totally ok and totally normal to have these feelings. It's ok to not enjoy this. It's not ok to absolve yourself from the responsibility you sighed up for, but it's ok not to enjoy it. Especially when they're young.
- KMag 3y ago
  I applaud your efforts. My wife often feels quite bad about feeling exhausted and frustrated, because she doesn't really believe me that it's a completely normal reaction to caring for 3 kids under 3 years old. Feeling exhausted and frustrated with 3 or 4 young kids does not make you a bad parent or mean you're not cut out for parenting. It's a normal human reaction. People just don't talk about it much.
  - thinkingtoilet 3y ago
    I go as far to say that minus a few people with god-like patience if you're not tired and exhausted from parenting and regularly don't enjoy it, you're probably not a good parent. It's like my boomer dad telling me to have more kids and how wonderful it is. Sure, it's super fun when you never change a diaper, never cook, never clean, never watch the kids alone, never take them to an appointment, never help with potty training, etc...
- munificent 3y ago
  > I always tell people having two kids is ten times harder than having one. My own experience is that having two kids is harder when they're young and easier when they're older. I have friends with just one kid and it's definitely easier to have enough capacity for the kid when the kid is a baby or toddler and needs a ton of attention. Having two toddlers is exhausting. But when the kids get older and more responsible, they can take much of their attention, socialization, and play needs from their sibling. When I've gone on vacation with friends that have just one kid, they are essentially their kids' playmate the entire trip because otherwise the poor kid is totally alone. When I travel with my two kids, I do stuff with them, of course, but they also spend a lot of time doing stuff just the two of them. Especially in today's Western culture where kids don't have as much autonomy out of the home to play with other kids, I think siblings are a huge help for kids getting as much peer interaction as they need. Though, of course, I support anyone who chooses to only have one kid for whatever reason.
- wharvle 3y ago
  We have three kids. When two are gone for some reason (sleepover, staying with family, whatever) we're always like "holy shit, one kid is barely harder than no kids!"
  - JamesSwift 3y ago
    Just having 1 of our 4 removed from the house (any 1.. doesn't matter just pick 1), is basically 0 work. Everyone gets along and generally keep each other entertained. Having all 4 together is all of a sudden Lord of the Flies, constantly managing the dynamics... its incredible.
- jemmyw 3y ago
  I've got 3 kids. They're a bit older now, but I felt that each additional one was a lot less work than the first. The third copied the behaviours of the older ones and became independent that much faster.
- aklemm 3y ago
  Absolutely; parenting young kids is awful. Luckily, I didn't really expect it to be very fun, even though I felt obligated to do a good job at it. The upshot is that parenting made me more fully mature than I would ever have become otherwise. That's an underrated aspect, imo, but I don't now many experience that.
aarondf 3y ago
It is exhausting. Glad to hear I'm not alone, thank you
throwaway-blaze 3y ago
We've got just one set of boy/girl twins...they're 14 now. Twins are clearly 10x more difficult than a singleton in the early years, but later on they're much easier...there's always a playmate of the same age etc. It gets easier, hang in there.
otteromkram 3y ago
+1 for using 0.5 years as an age denomination. You're probably a great dad just based on that.
- doubled112 3y ago
  What do you have against my 113 month old?

jvanderbot 3y ago

I've got a pair of 2.5y/o. The friendship I see blooming between them is the absolute best. There are definitely things that are >2x harder with twins: Getting dressed. And things that are <2x harder: Bedtime / bath. Cleanup. YMMV, but I'm so glad we have kiddos the same age and got it via one round of pregnancy.

trgn 3y ago
Having twins is four times as hard as a singleton. it's twice the amount of work that needs to be done. But you also have twice the issues per head, because responding to one, means ignoring the other, prolonging either the problem in one, or causing a problem for the other. it's hard facts.
- jvanderbot 3y ago
  Such certainty you have in my experienced difficulty! I find for things like coercion, having one twin convinced makes the second one much more likely to go along. Easily <2x the work for those kinds of things.
  - trgn 3y ago
    lolol I project my certainty very liberally and without constraint. > having one twin convinced makes the second one much more likely to go along. that has been the opposite of my experience
    - jvanderbot 3y ago
      I sympathize. Best of luck my fellow twin parent.

ssharp 3y ago

Oh wow! 2-3 is roughly the time things start to calm down after potty training and you're right back in it. Best of luck and "survival" is probably the right mindset. I have 9-year-old twins and these days I don't see it being much different than having two kids about the same age. The first two years though... I couldn't imagine going through that again!

smeej 3y ago

A dear friend of mine had 2.5yo twins when she found out she was expecting what she thought would be baby #3...but ended up being babies 3, 4, 5, and 6! Identical triplet girls and a fraternal boy led to six kids under the age of 4--and she was very insistent that there had been no fertility treatments involved! By the time I knew her, the quads were in first grade, and everybody seemed happy, healthy, and well-adjusted, but I cannot even imagine making it through four newborns and a pair of 3yos without a village!

hoosieree 3y ago

Parents with a single baby can simulate the twin experience like this: 1. get your baby to fall asleep 2. wake them up, then immediately try to get them to fall asleep again

goles 3y ago

Can I ask have you, or really anyone, noticed cryptophasia or idioglossia between them as they develop? It's an incredibly interesting phenomenon (to me at least) and there is very little written about it, even here[0]. From everything I've read it's debated how common it is and how much vocabulary is involved, I imagine because it's very difficult to study. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptophasia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptophasia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idioglossia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idioglossia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_and_Jennifer_Gibbons https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_and_Jennifer_Gibbons [0]https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&query=cryptophasia&sort=byPopularity&type=all https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=false&qu...

JamesSwift 3y ago

Oof, hats off to you! We had our first two kids at 20 months apart and it was so much harder than when we had the next one at 26 months. It really is much harder the closer they are in age, I think 3-4 years difference is the sweet spot. Hang in there! It gets easier when they start playing together and it is nice to have overlapping friends groups when they are that close in age. They do fight more though....

scruple 3y ago

We have 4.5 year old spontaneous fraternal twins and a 2.5 year old singleton. It's been great but it's so incredibly challenging. I've been primary for the twins since my wife was pregnant with our son. It's been a real wild ride and if it weren't for pictures I'm not sure I'd be able to remember any of it, honestly. We don't have a ton of help, so I feel rode hard and put away wet most days. But I cut myself a lot of slack in my personal life, like not being as dialed in on my nutrition as I used to be, or missing workouts, etc. I'd have really beaten myself up about this stuff a decade ago. Today, it's not unimportant but it's really not that important, either. But I cannot imagine multiple sets. We rolled the dice with our son and I'm honestly thankful we didn't get another set, I have no idea how we'd have survived that. Kudos to you all for pulling it off!